On December 31, 2021, the joyful New Year's Eve atmosphere was completely broken by a three- or four-minute video that went viral by the parents.
In the video, the two teachers angrily criticize a little girl in the first grade, and other students in the class also point at the girl and scold her "hate" according to the teacher's words, urging her to go to the penalty station.
"Let your mother see your virtues!"
"Go roll! Get up! ”
"You see you have aroused the indignation of the people!"
"What nonsense!"
"Okay, you're making the whole class hate you?"
Two adults bully a clueless young child without mercy.
And the reason for all this is that when the teacher just videotaped the male classmates who performed the poetry recitation, the little girl sitting in the first row felt that the sound was too loud and noisy, and had natural reactions such as covering her ears and turning back.
How loud is the recitation? Is it only the little girl who covers her ears?
For some reason, we didn't choose the original video that originally went viral in the parent group.
At 6:30 p.m., the school issued a "briefing" confirming that the video was true and saying that it had stopped the work of the teachers involved and arranged psychological teachers for the students.
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Most people in the comment area think that the teacher's approach is inappropriate, but there are also voices that such a practice is very common, there is no big problem, and some people even think that the teacher is doing it right.
Why are there two opposite sounds? How will these three or four minutes affect a child's life?
Isolated individuals vs encouraged groups
It can be said that all the children in the video are victims.
The little girl, who was at a loss, bore the brunt of it.
In the original video, the two teachers scolded her for four or five minutes, accusing her of splitting her head and covering her face, and did not even leave a breath to refute the interjection. We adults still can't listen, let alone the little girl who was forced to turn everyone against us.
She was only seven or eight years old.
When I went out in the morning, I was still dressed up beautifully, exquisite like a cute little doll, probably full of anticipation and joy for the New Year, and in the blink of an eye, I was pointed at the nose by the respected teacher in the past and scolded "roll", maybe just now the little friend who was still sharing the cartoon head rope with her between classes, at this moment even said "hate".
She blinked her eyes wide, looked aggrieved, but did not cry, and after a few words, she was blocked by the teacher's sharp "what nonsense".
Stunned in her seat, probably because she had been frightened by this battle, until the teacher directly started to drag her up, and then pushed her to change to a side seat that would not be captured by video, this bullying Party Hugh.
But the pain and hurt left on the girl is probably much more than that—she's too young to learn to refute the teacher, so small that it's hard not to believe the teacher's words. In the face of such a disparity in power, she was pushed around by the teacher, unable to control her body, and it was too luxurious to talk about "questioning authority".
The loneliness, horror, insecurity, and self-denial, doubts, and even how to get along with the powerful and her peers brought about by these few minutes will become a difficult problem that will require her, her parents, and the counselor to spend countless efforts to solve for a long time to come.
Also hurt were the other students in the class.
On the one hand, they unconsciously accept the teacher's hints and encouragement, and are encouraged to isolate and bully the girl. "More people can bully less people" and "high status can bully low status" is like a rotten and rotten seed, which is quietly buried in the bottom of the heart.
On the other hand, the children seem to have taken the initiative to stand in the camp of the teacher, but at this moment, how much fear there is in the hearts of young people, we know it with a little thought. "If you don't listen to the teacher, you will be humiliated and punished", the justice and friendliness that comes with the child's nature are completely suppressed, and the teacher is only for self-preservation.
Professor Zhang Meiling, an educational psychologist, once said that children who are now around 10 years old, about 25 years old by 2035, are the backbone of completing the "Chinese Dream".
But if you rely on the educational methods of the two teachers in the video, let alone cultivate the pillars of going abroad, even the basic personality is sound and psychological sunshine has become a luxury!
"True education is a heart-to-heart activity"
What was wrong with the two teachers?
Article 15 of the Law of the People's Republic of China on the Protection of Minors clearly states:
Teachers and staff of schools and kindergartens shall respect the personal dignity of minors, and must not inflict corporal punishment, covert corporal punishment, or other conduct that insults personal dignity on minor students and children.
Article 52:It is pointed out that where violations of minors' personal rights or other lawful rights constitute a crime, criminal responsibility is to be pursued in accordance with law.
This is a mistake one, the two teachers violated the Law of the People's Republic of China on the Protection of Minors.
Covering your ears and turning back these two actions, saying that breaking the sky is also a matter of sesame seeds, is it really necessary to go online?
Teachers feel that children do not have a sense of collective honor, which is also due to the subjective judgment of adults, and then cover their ears and turn their heads, and make up their brains into attacks on teachers and classmates, and the accusations based on this are even like a kind of paranoid revenge:
Because you ruined my perfect fantasy, I'm going to punish you.
Educator Tao Xingzhi said that without love, there is no education, "true education is an activity of the heart." This is the second mistake of the two teachers, the lack of tolerance and kindness, which is precisely the most basic quality of educators.
Mistake three, as adults, they are not honest enough about themselves.
The two teachers want to present the children's uniform, well-behaved scenes, in order to show their ability to excel, order the prohibition, once this part of the exaggerated self is challenged, they will feel that they have no face, no ability.
Because the inner self is not strong enough, it is only when I fantasize that I can control others and control everything, so that I can't face this sense of incompetence, like a hot potato that needs to be passed on, but to whom? The famous "kicking cat effect" in psychology gives the answer:
Leaders scold subordinates, subordinates beat children, children kick cats - can be passed on to weaker, more powerless objects can be resisted - why pick up weak bullying? Because the powerful can't afford it!
On the surface, it is only the contagion of bad emotions, but its essence is a hierarchical, strong and weak chain of social relations. Some people applaud this kind of education method full of "showing the public" and "insulting" meanings, precisely because they have long agreed with the robber logic of bullying.
They do not realize, or actively ignore, the asymmetry of this power relationship, otherwise how dare they bully children? Throw back a slap in the face to the leader? Presumably, when such a person encounters someone whose position of power is higher than his own, he immediately begins to flatter and kneel
Behind bad emotions, there are often wounds that do not heal
Having said so much before, in fact, this part needs the most awareness:
Why do children cover their ears and turn their heads, as a teacher, they will have a strong sense of loss of control and incompetence?
Because we often limit our value to "instrumental value" rather than "existence value".
Most of us are used to proving our worth by how many points we score, how much money we make, and how obedient our subordinates and children are, but the truth is that a person's existence is valuable in itself, and we stand here and deserve to be loved and respected.
Unfortunately, most people did not grow up with unconditional love and acceptance, so they only learned to measure themselves with the instrumental value of the harsh conditions.
Here's the first question to think about:
As an adult, how do I measure my worth and whether I really have a stable system of self-worth judgments?
The second question to ponder:
As an adult, why would I react so much to a small gesture that was not intentionally directed at me?
Of course, we can expect from our children and the people around us, and we can certainly be disappointed when our expectations are disappointed, but the point is, how do we deal with these disappointments, do we follow the disappointment to solve the problems that are really "related to me", or indiscriminately project bad feelings directly to others?
Mo said that most of the child's behavior can not be called "problem" at all, even if the child really has a problem behavior, as educators, the first thing we should think about is not how to transform the child, but why I can't help but be anxious and angry when I see a certain behavior of the child.
The difference between these two ways of thinking may be the distance between the educator of ignorance and the educator of wisdom.
First, children are not my business card, not my report card, we are independent of each other;
Second, parenting always raises itself first, and the child has a problem? Reflect on yourself first.
Life is not romantic feelings will become better, in the process of moving closer to all the things we yearn for, we as parents, always have to do a lot of efforts.
The only thing to be thankful for is that the effort is not in vain, and our time is visible wherever it is spent.
About the author: Shi Bangjia, Yin Jianli Parents Academy original content editor, learners and explorers on the road to parenting, hope that we will live well and meet slowly.