Regarding the performance of the compound, I have to first talk about the several psychological stages after the boy's breakup, and at different stages, his performance is also different.
【Stage 1: Unleash Yourself】
When you first broke up, you thought the guys were as depressed and depressed as you were? It's completely wrong to think that!
Boys can't get out of the sea of suffering, no longer have to be managed by their girlfriends, no longer have to argue with their girlfriends, at this time he will be sad?
He was full of thoughts: I want to drink! I'm going to go clubbing! I'm going to woo my sister! I'm going to play the game and play it for three days and three nights!
I want to enjoy watching all kinds of little sisters! Ah, breathing free air is so cool! It's a real wave to feel single again!
He is completely free of himself, like a wild horse that has lost his reins, and is a completely different performance from the girl, at this time do you think that he does not show any sadness and completely forgets you? Is it really impossible to compound?
Don't rush to define, let go of the self stage, the boy's inner true feelings are delayed, he can play a hard time, he will not think about the compound things at all, he is now eager to get out of the relationship, the pursuit of freedom, if you go to talk to him at this time to save, he will immediately enter the exclusion stage.
【Stage 2: Exclusion】
At first, he is not so repulsive to you, and the negative emotions towards you will gradually weaken, but many girls will pestering the boys after the breakup, including: asking why, asking if they can get back together, asking where the point of their mistakes is, and asking the boys if there is someone outside.
In short, it is to keep asking questions and trying to find specific reasons to break up.
Friends, have broken up, empathy to think about it, the other party will not feel annoyed? I would like to say that all rejection is basically self-inflicted, and he evades communication, refuses to contact, and even scolds emotionally, all of which are provoked.
There is a kind of reverse psychology in the escape psychology, what do you want him to do, he is partial to it, anyway, he is not your boyfriend, how does he think of anything to do with you, why should he give you a boyfriend posture?
Reverse psychology is to put it bluntly, it is a resentment in the heart, just like the psychology of a child, at this time, the more you rush to seek a compound, the higher his posture rejects you.
The exclusion stage wants to distinguish whether the other party has a compound willingness is more difficult, many girls receive negative feedback from boys, see the other party to block and delete you, they are discouraged, thinking that the other party does not want to compound with you at all, I tell you, that can only mean that he is still in the exclusion stage, the exclusion stage of emotional factors are large, he will say a lot of negative words about you, but whether he really does not like you, but also to look back.
【Stage 3: Emptiness, Reflection, Remembrance】
Some girls always let each other in the second stage, constantly deepening each other's negative impression of you, may not survive this stage, the two will be completely finished.
But if you spend the exclusion period in peace, he enjoys the good time of being single, and finds that he can not communicate deeply with other members of the opposite sex (because the previous relationship did not end completely, and now the attempts are fresh), he will definitely enter the stage of adaptation, during this period, emptiness and loneliness, late night emo, missing the ex, what you are experiencing now, the other party will experience in the third stage after the rejection.
Most boys enter a stage where the sense of need is the most exuberant, the emotional flow is returned, rationality and sensibility begin to entangle, because he cannot adapt to the state of singleness, he may choose to compound, or talk about a new relationship.
But whether the problem left over from the breakup can be completely solved after the reunion is not necessarily the case, and some people will repeat the same mistakes and break up again.
【Stage 4: Observation】
He entered the stage of observation, because he wanted to see the situation again and figure out whether he wanted to get back together.
This stage is very important, we say that this is the boy to a more sober stage, he does not hate you as much as the second stage, and does not miss you as much as the third stage, he began to combine the reality of consideration, decided the next emotional direction.
He will pay attention to your circle of friends and space dynamics, give you a thumbs up from time to time, and sometimes interact with you with ambiguous temptations. Some girls can't help but pounce on it, because they have suppressed themselves for too long, overexposing the sense of need, causing the other party to retreat.
Then see the other party as a scumbag who casually picks up the ex, either desperately posting, or feeling that he has become a spare tire, acting too aggressively, and completely stiffening the relationship.
This stage is very important, the first three stages, the boy is not sober enough, so all his behaviors, are not used as a criterion for judging the willingness to compound, so to speak, in the first three stages, what he does and says you don't believe! The so-called "impossible compound" cannot be judged in the previous stages.
I can tell you that I never want to see you again when I get angry, can you take my angry words seriously? Of course not, but there are a lot of people who are stupid, just take it seriously...
Only in the fourth stage of observation, what this boy said and did, you can take it seriously.
The compound will of the other party, there is no absolute, only high and low, and it is constantly changing.
First, observe the signals released by the other person's behavior.
PART 1, Low Composite Willingness Signal - Rejection
You can clearly feel that the other person's attitude has become alienated, whether your attitude is good or bad, his acceptance of you is very low, even if you have not done anything excessive, you can feel that the other party is rejecting your approach.
Common manifestations:
Circle of friends blocking
Block, delete
Decline the call, refuse to reply to the message
Answering the phone in a perfunctory tone, anxious to hang up
Talking to you is very poor
Replied to the message, but very slowly, with only perfunctory words such as "um" and "oh"
Make it clear that you don't want to be contacted
Dispose of couple items
Delete relevant circle of friends content, delete photos
If there are the above exclusions, it means that the other party does not want to reunite at this stage, or even does not want to see you, the other party really does not like you now, you better not do anything, adjust yourself well.
PART 2, Medium Compound Willingness - Attitude Is Peaceful
Agree to be friends
Normal contact, you can ask him for help
Reply to messages promptly
The reply is about the same number of words as yours and won't always be perfunctory
Social dynamics are open to you, and there is interaction
The tone of the phone communication is also relatively calm
There are topics to talk about on an ongoing basis
The invitation to meet and greet is agreed
These performances hide the boy's inspection of you, and some of them are waste tests to see if you can still meet his requirements.
If after a period of observation by the other party, the comfort and intimacy with you meet his requirements, his compound willingness will rise, but if the blind progressive relationship is too hasty, the other party's compound willingness will decline, and the composite signal is elastic and changeable.
It is possible that at this stage, the other party's compound willingness is very low, so low that you think it is absolutely impossible to compound, but after a while, with the change of the boy's mental state, and the progression of your recovery, his compound willingness has been pulled up again, so don't be so one-size-fits-all judgment, a lot of the behaviors listed on the Internet can only be called "possibility", rather than absolutely can be compounded or can not be compounded.
PART 3, High compound willingness – positive behavior
Frequent in and out of your space
Interact with you on social software
Often write private messages and ask for tempting words
Sexual innuendo
Invitation
Take the initiative to care for you, take the initiative to create a topic
Physical contact
Some behaviors that get your attention
Demonstrate your own change and value
When these behaviors appear, you will be congratulated, the other party's compound signal is quite obvious, but, as I said above, the compound will is floating, how to face the other party's signal, so that he can further rise, in order to decide whether you can compound in the end.
We are not roundworms in each other's stomachs, so we can only push back the emotional state of the other party through his various performances.
Therefore, it is necessary to conduct further testing, use their own performance behavior, and stimulate more feedback from the other party to determine whether the other party has any ideas. At the same time, the behavior of the self is also the key to adjusting the level of the other party's compound willingness.
【Manifestations of low compound willingness - emotional reassurance is the mainstay】
Acts of exclusion can only be accepted, not added fuel to the fire.
Simply put, if the other person doesn't want to see you, you don't show up
The other side blacks you out, and you freeze for a while
If the other party doesn't answer the phone, don't call
If you want to rebuild a relationship, you need to find a euphemistic excuse, you can use the power of some third parties to regulate, with the purpose of getting along comfortably, improve negative impressions, and adjust each other's emotional state to a normal level. Only then can there be effective communication.
【Aiming at the will of the compound - to show and provide self-worth】
On the one hand, it is a high emotional value, and on the other hand, it is a personal comprehensive value.
Do a good job of building a circle of friends, show your own advantages, and then appropriately release the sense of need, and learn to make each other happy.
The higher the value you present, the higher the willingness of the other person to compound.
A person who is dead to you, no matter how much material value you provide to him, how much spiritual value, he is indifferent. If his attitude changes under your attack, it means that he is not dead-hearted.
【For high compound willingness - emotional mobilization】
If you like a person, you will be led by the other party's joys and sorrows.
The best way to test whether the other party still likes you is to try to mobilize the other person's emotions.
For example, flirting and talking to each other
For example, push and pull, refuse his small request to see if he will go further
For example, using the opposite sex to stimulate the possessiveness of the other party
For example, timely withdrawal, chat can be stopped
Use a few small tricks to speed up the other person's feedback on the feelings.
Many girls tell me that the ex has always insisted that he does not want to get back together, but as soon as a suitor appears around him, he can't fit it, so sometimes a little irritation is more useful than sitting there and thinking about it all the time.
People who want to compound will produce results as soon as they are excited, so it is necessary to test the behavior.
People who will never reunite with you, how you test him is like a stopping water, his performance is often cloudy and light, it is difficult to understand.
There is a saying that the real departure is never a big fanfare, but a quiet one. If a guy really wants to give up on you, you don't know when he started giving up, he will even bless you with kindness and help you, because he has already accepted the fact of the breakup, and all your joys and sorrows have nothing to do with him.
I hope that you don't reach that last step, and when you start to regret it, and when you have the opportunity to correct your emotional mistakes, you must seize the opportunity.
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C