Unconsciously, the post-95 generation has begun to enter a new stage of life, growing up after the millennium, they are a group of people who are often overlooked in various intergenerational labels.
A recent survey showed that post-95 women are twice as willing to choose to be stay-at-home moms as post-70s, but the real situation is more complicated than imagined.
Some post-90s are still maternal solo, and some have successfully advanced to the second-child mother. The marriage market also shows two poles: some people marry earlier and earlier, and some people marry later and later (or even not marry).
The difference in the world also lies in the fact that although the times are progressing, compared with the post-80s and post-90s, post-95 women are even more inclined to choose to become full-time mothers. According to the "2020 China Mother Group Behavior Insight Report" by Ai Media Consulting, the number of post-90s and post-95s who choose to be full-time mothers is 2.2 and 2.5 times that of the post-70s, respectively.
The well-known mother and baby community baby tree "2019 China Family Fertility Method White Paper" once had a data: in 2019, the proportion of post-95 full-time mothers has reached 82% - although the sample of this survey is only a few hundred people, it also reflects the choice of some young women to a certain extent.
Don't rush to say, "Why don't I have any around me?" When you were born in a well-off family, grew up with a good education, and successfully entered the first-tier cities after graduation to try to compete with men in their careers, the chances of having a post-95 full-time mother around are indeed much smaller. After all, most of these post-95 full-time mothers are concentrated in third- and fourth-tier cities, and the report of Ai Media Consulting shows that the proportion of post-95 mothers in fourth-tier and below cities is 56.5%.
Once upon a time, the full-time wife was still an enviable little bourgeois class product: there was no pressure to make a living, there was no need to squeeze the subway 996 like a social animal, and she only needed to leisurely take care of the baby at home every day, and everything was borne by the husband.
But the Internet shattered this illusion, and people found that not every stay-at-home mother is a "wife", and more mothers are facing a helpless situation.
When "Thirty Only" was broadcast last year, a rural full-time mother known as "Gu Jia's opposite" attracted attention. The young girl named Susu married her junior high school classmate at the age of 19 and has been working as a full-time mother deep in the mountains since giving birth to a daughter in the same year.
After accidentally posting her life on the short video platform, Susu began to be seen, and people found that Susu represented a group of full-time mothers in small cities, and they had no choice in life: the mother's family conditions were not good, and full-time taking a baby after marriage and children became the optimal solution - if someone in the family had to sacrifice their time to bear the responsibility of child-rearing, this person could only be a mother.
In an interview with Susu, the media said that "she may be busier than a big star or a business founder." In addition to taking care of various chores, anyone who disappears in front of his family for a long time will be blamed. In Kuaishou, BabyTree, and Little Woman's Help, you can see many post-95 full-time mothers like Susu, whose lives are the same: taking children, doing housework, reaching out for money, taking on huge pressure, and relieving anxiety and pain on their own.
Stay-at-home mother cooking at 5am
But if you're a post-95 stay-at-home mom in little red books, things are very different. They are at the other extreme: young and beautiful, who have completed the life events of marriage and children early, and are the winners of the life progress bar; the husband's family is either rich or Kochi, so they have enough financial resources to support them to devote themselves wholeheartedly to child-rearing affairs. For them, becoming a stay-at-home mom is more of a calm choice.
The world of post-95 stay-at-home mothers has been divided into very different parts by the Internet. But in any case, there is no doubt: as post-95 mothers gradually become the main force (growing at about 4% year by year, it is close to 20%), the number of post-95 full-time mothers is also growing.
Including the winner in life in the Little Red Book, becoming a stay-at-home mother means handing over financial rights in the family, and all expenses must be attached to others.
"Being raised" makes stay-at-home mothers inferior. Families with poor conditions should be more meticulous in their lives, and the rightful thing of "asking for living expenses" itself has also brought them great psychological pressure.
As a "non-earner" in the family, the husband and in-laws naturally believe that since you do not have to work, then of course you are responsible for everything about the children.
Children bumped, ate less, did not sleep well, and did not become the expected little genius, all of which were the responsibility of mothers. And everyone can point fingers at the mother's parenting style, and invisibly the full-time mother has become the most useless person in the family.
Even if your family is financially free, your husband and wife are harmonious, and your children are healthy and smart, you still have to worry about whether there will be any variables in the future. When the husband alone undertakes the work of supporting the family, the relationship between husband and wife is the only chip to maintain the family, believing that there will never be a change, as if asking yourself at any time: Is there an unchanging love in the world?
A little red book after 95 full-time mother said that in the year and a half of becoming a full-time mother, not only need to take care of the child's living growth, but also self-improvement, strive to maintain the figure, read books, follow up on current affairs, try to avoid disconnection from the husband, do not let the child affect the feelings of the husband and wife. Even "excellent" such as her also means that entering marriage, especially early marriage and early childbearing, requires caution.
Mom on the Little Red Book
If you are a stay-at-home mother in a small city like a vegetarian, then there are more to worry about: the cost of living this month, the daily life of the child, the chores at home, the contempt of the in-laws...
The reality is that under the social pressure that cannot be ignored, many full-time mothers need to take on family responsibilities other than childcare, and the post-95 generation is a good reason: do not take advantage of the young to fight, how to give their children a better future.
Wang Fang is a woman born in 1995. Although she had a very good job and eventually entered the marriage hall with her first love, a male classmate of science and technology, she finally chose to become a housewife.
On the phone, she excitedly expressed the process of finally reaching an agreement with her husband after marriage, taking her baby at home as a housewife, and her husband working outside. "In fact, I used to prefer the kind of husband and wife relationship between Frank and Claire in "House of Cards", independent of each other, and I still want to be a very independent and powerful woman." But after getting married and having a baby, there was still a big change in my heart. ”
Wang Fang said that she took the initiative to come out of the delivery room after giving birth, and at that time, she was cold and indifferent, which made her husband also frightened. She said that's when the change began. She said she was tired and she wanted to take a break. "I walked out at that time, took the baby home to do the confinement, during that time I thought a lot, I felt that I used to fight well, the night before I had a baby, I was still doing ppt, holding a conference call. After giving birth, I no longer have the strength to take a break. ”
After giving birth to a baby, Wang Fang resigned. When she told her husband about this idea, he repeatedly confirmed whether she really wanted to do it. She said that her heart is still very determined, on the one hand, she needs to rest, on the other hand, the child needs to be taken care of, and cannot be thrown away to her parents.
But when she first entered the role of housewife, Wang Fang was still a little uncomfortable. Because she only cooks a few dishes, she took her mother from home to help, and she slowly learned herself, and it was difficult to get through the difficult time at the beginning, and now that two years have passed, new problems have emerged.
"To be honest, the money my husband earns is indeed not enough to spend, but the child is still too young to need to be taken care of, I can't go away, last year, my husband also did a part-time job for a while, although in my opinion, that job is not so heavy, but I am quite distressed about him, because men are too tired outside, psychological pressure is great, during that time I have also been adjusting myself, trying not to disturb him, not to put pressure on him." 」
Whether to continue to be a stay-at-home mother, Wang Fang said that she is a little shaken now, she said that she has learned a lot in the past two years, but she feels that the "self" in her heart, the "Claire" in "House of Cards" seems to be slowly disappearing. But shaking her head, she felt that this was not a good phenomenon, "women still have to have themselves, can not always rely on men", but she thought about it and said: "I want to make some money, after all, the children will also spend money in the future, about money, about the role in marriage, these messes, every day feel that I have to worry about a hundred things, but still have to carry it." ”
Wang Fang's situation is very common, and there are more extreme examples here. Not long ago, a post-95 full-time mother in Ganzhou, Jiangxi Province, caused a heated discussion in the social media. She lives in a rough house with 3 children, a real family with four walls, and in addition to cooking necessities, even the bed is only a layer of straw and foam mats. In order to repay the mortgage of 6800 yuan per month, the mother not only took the child, but also went to the stall to subsidize the family.
Rough house mom's home
Highly educated women have not escaped the shackles. Although they basically do not actively choose to be full-time mothers, the traditional values of society still make them sacrifice themselves. As Li Lianglei said in her essay to Wang Lihong: Today's women have the opportunity to receive the same education and take on social positions, but once they enter the family situation, all the efforts are taken for granted.
Once you become a stay-at-home mom, no one can escape this dilemma.
The younger generation of stay-at-home mothers, who have more opinions and are also exposed to more parenting knowledge on the Internet, are more confused, or BabyTree's "2020 White Paper on Chinese Family Fertility Methods" shows: "82.4% of mothers feel very anxious in the parenting process, but more than 50% feel that it is more important to take a good baby at present." From the perspective of age distribution, post-95 mothers are more confused and anxious than mothers of other ages, but do not know what to do. "How much of this is a confusion about whether to become a stay-at-home mom, we don't know.
Last year, Principal Zhang Guimei "scolded" a student who ran away. After the female student was admitted to the Normal University, she became a full-time wife, and when she returned to the school and wanted to donate, President Zhang Guimei sternly rejected her, and said that she was most opposed to girls becoming full-time wives, "because the whole person will be controlled at that level, and after a long time, she will be eliminated by society."
Society doesn't understand stay-at-home moms.
Most men do not understand full-time mothers, they play the slogan of "male and female", think that parenting is the wife's vocation, "everyone is like this, why can't you"; some unmarried women do not understand full-time mothers, they think that they take the initiative to give up social roles, so that the original unfair employment environment for women is worse;
Stay-at-home mothers can only huddle together to keep warm, sharing bitterness and happiness with each other on forums such as Baby Tree.
In terms of the reproduction and evolution of humanity as a whole, mothers may be the best way to take on the work of educating their children, but for women themselves, it is clear that this need is not felt – if society needs full-time mothers, why is it so badly treated for much-needed roles?
Studies have shown that the wealth created by a woman in family labor is equivalent to earning 400,000 yuan a year. In the Japanese drama "Escape Is Shameful but Useful", the heroine cleans the house for the male protagonist before marriage, but after marriage, the man naturally thinks that the money should not be given again, and the well-educated Niigaki Yui is of course a strict refusal, but more women in lower-tier cities do not have this awareness, and they do not realize that the labor value of housewives is not recognized.
The back of a mother shopping at a wet market
In this regard, Shen Yifei, a professor at Fudan University, said directly that grassroots women should not be full-time wives, "the elite group can be withdrawn from marriage at any time, but grassroots women can't, once they get married because they are afraid of suffering and become full-time mothers, they are more likely to suffer for a lifetime."
The Susu we first said, in the recent situation, said that she joined the educational institution, the video of the stay-at-home mother in the past was deleted by her, and now she shares the interesting things about her work, shares her daily efforts in the workplace, her smile looks more sunny in the video, and she also changed her name to "sunny".
Reference Sources
Character "Three Choices of Susu"
A "Inner Monologue of 10 Highly Educated Mothers: Don't Take This Road Without Savings"
Ai Media Data Center 《2020 China Mom Group Behavior Insight Report》
Written by: tt, Jonas
Edit: Sebastian
The pictures in this article are from the Internet
Ownership is owned by the original author