Late-maturing children can go far

After his daughter was born, Mr. Xu of Beijing decided not to let his children attend the "enlightenment class" or "preschool class", and never instilled in his daughter the concept of "only allowed to be the first" and only allowed to "phoenix high branches".

Happy and relaxed, it is the childhood life he designed for his daughter.

But unexpectedly, reality still brainwashed him.

When gathering with friends and family or socializing with customers, people with children always have to talk about their children's education.

After hearing that Mr. Xu did not report to his daughter, everyone thought he was an alien:

"How can this be? "Children have to be happy, but now if you don't give them some burden, they will suffer when they grow up..." "Have you not found a good teacher?" I'll introduce you to a few..."

As a result, under the atmosphere of everyone's indiscriminate bombardment and comparison with each other, Mr. Xu became more and more anxious the more he thought about it, and finally enrolled his daughter who was about to go to elementary school with pinyin and math classes, and attended classes from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. every day.

I once saw children on TV calling out: "Adults say they don't want us to lose at the starting line, but cram school will make us tired before we run." ”

How can you not be tired? This "Great Leap Forward" movement in modern China makes children start running before they have learned to walk. If you can run, you have to run, you can't run, and you have to step forward with the egg.

It is no wonder that today's Chinese society is full of young people who are in a hurry and look panicked.

In the "Strange Flower Conference", a young man came, anxiously expressing his desire to get rid of the previous "poor" life and be selected for "Strange Story" to achieve the glory of life.

He regarded the cheap gym he had been to as a chicken farm, and being forced into a big bed room with others was ruining his "life checkpoint", and even Gao Xiaosong couldn't help but interrupt him:

"I feel like you, as a person who is not rich, you are insulting this class."

He Jiong commented: "In your expression, I saw a sense of panic that only fought for the day, and you expressed a particularly positive and ambitious sense of urgency into a sense of panic of grief. ”

It is true: in this society, how many young people like this performer are angrily lashing out at their own success, fame, and "talent", and before that, all the struggle and pursuit are permeated with a bitterness, and if they cannot achieve their goals, such bitterness is transformed into the sadness of fate.

And many of these values are instilled in us by our parents, schools and society from an early age.

Mr. Yi Zhongtian, as a scholar, was successful, while as a father, he seemed to be more successful in educating his children. But his concept of education is a bit reversed from most people's concepts: he is not as eager to urge his children to grow up like others, and his education of his daughter is not educated.

When her daughter Yi Haibei began to recognize words, Yi Zhongtian wrote a letter to her daughter, and at the beginning it was a very simple few words: Bebe, Daddy misses you.

As a result, the daughter cherished and valued the letter, read and read, read and read, Yi Zhongtian later wrote more and more letters, and the daughter naturally recognized more and more words. In the process, she also naturally developed an interest in reading and learning.

Other people's children, it is the parents who smoke a whip to take a step, eager to play and rest every day;

And Yi Zhongtian's daughter, it is her parents who have repeatedly advised her to rest, not to work too hard and tired.

The difference lies in whether the child is interested or not.

When the daughter grew up, Yi Zhongtian sent two words "congratulations" when she was in love, and Yi Zhongtian still had two words "congratulations" when she fell in love, and even when she reached the marriageable age, she did not urge marriage.

The concept of many parents today is: learning can not be lagging behind, marriage can not be lagging behind, even having children can not be left behind! As a result, blind dates and marriages, birth promotion, and breeding are the same, and sometimes they are eager to personally fight...

Yi Haibei, who grew up unhurriedly, has an enviable resume in life: from childhood to adulthood, he achieved excellent results, won five years of annual scholarships at Tongji University, and later settled in Shanghai, with a happy marriage and a successful career.

Many years ago, psychologists at Stanford University did a "marshmallow experiment":

They experimented with more than thirty preschoolers, and there were two reward mechanisms: they could eat marshmallows at any time, but only one at a time; and two marshmallows at the same time, but wait a while to eat them.

Some children can't wait to eat a marshmallow, and some patiently wait for a long time, divert their attention to other toys, and then get rewarded with two marshmallows.

Decades later, psychologists conducted a return interview with the children who were subjected to the experiment that year, and found that the children who could wait quietly for a long time to get two marshmallows generally had better life performance, including better test scores, good physical fitness and a positive attitude of integration into society.

Parents who rush their children to "win at the starting line" are actually cultivating children who are eager to get the first kind of reward, success must come quickly, the sooner the better, as Zhang Ailing said, "Fame should be early, otherwise it is not painful."

As a result, many children have been murdered by their own feelings about life, and have become indifferent flesh that only recognizes "success and failure".

If parents can stimulate their children's desire for beauty and interest in learning like Mr. Yi Zhongtian, many children can become the second kind of children in the experiment:

Endure, wait, don't panic, enjoy the process, and wait for the most beautiful taste of life to flow out naturally.

Mr. Zhang Wenzhuang said in "Education is the Art of Slowness": "Our current education is often too eager to achieve results, to achieve positive results, to be able to 'immediately see the effect', lack of a leisurely mentality, lack of leisure. ”

There is no better way to cultivate a child's "idleness" than to adhere to Aristotle's three principles of education: moderation, possibility, and propriety.

Moderation means that education is not about cultivating superhumans, but only about making children adults. Return to the middle way, not overestimate yourself, do not despise yourself, and know that you have a healthy and lively future like others.

Maybe, it means to let the child know the infinite possibilities of the future, when others are crazy to rush to a road, you can see that there are thousands of roads next to it that few people take, and those roads are equally flat and open, and the flowers are fragrant.

Appropriately, it means that the knowledge of primary school and junior high school is not like the so-called "training excellence" and "competition" that are popular, which are divorced from reality and let children prematurely accept knowledge that is not suitable for the mind.

In fact, every parent can have the mentality of Long Yingtai: when his son can't learn the technique of putting a bouquet of flowers well, she doesn't urge, she doesn't cross the line. She was just on the side, watching, waiting, letting the child grope and feel as he pleased.

"I'm willing to spend my life waiting for this little boy to bouquet the bouquet, with his 5-year-old fingers. The rope came around, and just as it was about to be tied, the other end suddenly slipped away. Child, you take your time, in the bright sunlight of Tamsui Street, on the stone steps, waiting for you to put the bouquet well, with your 5-year-old fingers. ”

(Editor-in-Charge: Li Donghai)