Recent articles have been talking about the underlying logic of family education, that is, parents can realize from the heart and fundamentally that the child is an independent individual.
After realizing it, it is necessary for parents to be able to distinguish between themselves and their children as two independent people and different people at all times in the process of daily interaction with their children.
Li Xue once said a sentence: Outside the skin, it is all others.
Inside the skin is me, outside the skin is not me;
My body, I am in charge, other people's body, other people are in charge.
This is true for family, friends, colleagues, and even more so for children.
Because children, compared with adults, are weaker in energy, more dependent on adults, and have fewer rights, once they are controlled and violated, it is difficult for children to form independent selves.
This will bring various problems and troubles to the child in his future growth, such as learning, interpersonal communication, and psychology.
Often parents say that today's children can't beat and scold, and their psychology is still so fragile, they are depressed at every turn, or they go to extremes.
When we were young, our parents didn't care, we were often beaten and scolded, we didn't grow up, and we didn't hear that anyone had psychological problems.
The degree of children's mental health is indeed a prominent problem, according to the "China National Mental Health Development Report (2019-2020)", the detection rate of adolescent depression in 2020 is 24.6%.
The mental health problems of adolescents are receiving more and more attention, and schools have set up mental health courses and equipped with psychological teachers.
But the root cause of these problems in children is not in the children themselves, a large part of the problem comes from the family, and the other part of the problem comes from the current social environment.
Today's children, compared to our hours, the pressure to learn is many times greater:
When we were young, there were only a few subjects in the curriculum, and at the primary school level, there were two main subjects, namely language and number, and the others were casual, but they could not be taken, and there were very few interest classes.
In this way, you have a whole period of time of your own, and this time is also very long, in addition to the time after school on weekdays, there are also weekends, all of which belong to themselves.
During this time period, do your own thing, play with your friends, and occasionally help the family to do some work.
In such an environment, the child is free, relaxed, and relaxed.
There are unpleasant things in your heart, talk to your classmates, play with your friends, and it may dissipate.
And now children, in the primary school stage, there are three main subjects, other subjects are set up a lot, and there are countless interest classes.
Children's weekends are busier than adults, and they are generally in various interest classes.
Such an arrangement allows children to have no time to rest and do not have a whole period of time of their own.
People and machines are not the same, the machine has been running for a long time, but also have to stop work and maintenance, let alone people?
With such a high intensity of continuous rotation, the child has no time to breathe, and has been in a busy state.
We all know the truth that when the moon is full, we will lose money, and if the time schedule is too full, it is easy to produce anxiety, irritability, and depression.
This is on the one hand, and on the other hand, it appears in family education.
Today's parents, more than ever, pay more attention to their children and pay more attention to their children's education.
It is precisely because, too much attention to children, too much attention to children, the more you hope that children become talented, hope that children are good.
Naturally, parents will put their hands on the child, take a magnifying glass, search for various shortcomings and disadvantages in the child, and use their own ability to correct these shortcomings and disadvantages for the child, so that the child will become better and the probability of becoming a talent will be greater.
Control is created, and so is the violation of boundaries.
Where there is control, there is resistance.
The more parents want to control their children, let the children go in the "good" direction they want, and the more fiercely the children resist in order to be themselves, resulting in the deterioration of parent-child relations and the outbreak of parent-child contradictions.
Many children cannot withstand the double pressure from society and family, and they will have psychological problems, and some will go to extremes.
Therefore, as a parent, no matter how many educational methods and educational techniques you learn, it is better to recognize the pressure of your children from the beginning, and be able to abide by the underlying logic and distinguish between children and yourself as two independent people.
By doing these two things, most of the parent-child contradictions in the family lose the basis of existence and disappear.
At the same time, the parent-child relationship becomes intimate and smooth, and the child's physical, psychological and abilities also develop in a healthy direction.
Therefore, practicing the underlying logic and distinguishing oneself from the child as independent individuals is the direction and content of the parents' practice.