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"Girls beat their mothers on the street because they didn't buy a mobile phone": Don't let passive attacks ruin children
A few days ago hot search # girl because did not buy a mobile phone when the street beat the mother #, at first glance, to be angry with the girl to death, no matter how can not beat the mother ah, but know the whole picture of the matter, really for the little girl sad, there is such a family.
This thing is: the child's mobile phone is broken, he has saved some money, he wants his mother to subsidize some to buy a new mobile phone, two people quarrel because of how expensive the mobile phone is, the girl is emotionally collapsed by the onlookers, let the mother go, the mother has been staying, the child is out of control and hits the mother's helmet with his hand.
Although on the surface the mother is a victim, and the daughter is sending violence and beating the mother without restraint, how can the child's heart not be painful every time it hits the mother? But despite this, why did the girl still choose to shoot, because she has no reason, hard work to make money, the mother was reversed by the uncle, the money was taken away and suffered several falls, passers-by did not know the ins and outs to help the mother educate the girl, the mother was complacent that she felt that she had successfully played the role of the victim, ignoring the daughter's emotions, this mother won the sympathy of passers-by for a while, but also lost the trust of the daughter's life.
Many people may accuse children of not understanding things.
But in this case, I think the main problem is with this mother.
A normal mother, who is watching her quarrel with her child in public, has the first reaction to leaving; when the child hits herself, the first reaction is to avoid and educate the child, rather than silently endure.
So, this mother's behavior is unreasonable, why did she do it? Here's why: Passive Attack.
People with strong inner strength are easy to take in the way to fight for what they want, and they will directly resist when they encounter things that make them dissatisfied.
And people with weak inner strength take the form of passive attack. She will play the weak, attacking the other party by letting others decide for herself and venting her dissatisfaction in a negative way.
For example, the reason why the mother does not leave, stays in place, and even suffers silently when the child hits herself, is to passively attack in a silent way.
She knows in her heart that the crowd of onlookers are on her side, and when they see children hitting themselves, they will blame themselves, they will attack the children instead of themselves, and "do justice" for themselves, so she will take this way to vent her dissatisfaction.
In life, there are many people who behave in this way. There are many people expressing dissatisfaction with the Hong Kong style, which is passively attacking.
For example, when couples get along, cold violence, respond in a silent way, let the other party's emotions get out of control; for example, often say not to do it, deliberately make the other party feel very uncomfortable; when others ask you if you are unhappy, you will not express it, but say: Why should I be unhappy? In an intimate relationship, the other party arranges things that they don't want to do, keep dragging on, or always make excuses, such as forgetting, and so on.
The reason why passive attack is often formed is because the parents in the original family are more coercive, always pressing the child's feelings, and the child has angry emotions in his heart, but he cannot express them directly, so he adopts a defensive way to passively express.
It is also possible that parents often take a passive-aggressive approach when communicating, emotionally blackmailing the child, such as "I would not have divorced you earlier", etc., the child will have guilty feelings towards the parents, will not express anger, but the inner depression in the behavior pattern will make him take a passive-aggressive approach when he grows up.
After falling into passive attack, it is difficult to manage both interpersonal relationships and intimate relationships. Either endure often, or always stimulate the anger of the partner, but also let yourself feel that you have been bullied as a weak person, the partner will feel extremely depressed with you, and leaving will become an inevitable choice.
Therefore, changing this behavior pattern and expressing your needs normally can you give others a good feeling and build a stable relationship.
And the most important thing is that in family education, if you want to quickly destroy your child, you must slander the child in front of outsiders (including relatives) and scold the child that the child is not good, as far as possible do not save face for him to save self-esteem.