As the saying goes, "no rules are not square", every parent wants their children to be a rule-conscious person, understand the rules and reason, there are rules at home, kindergartens have kindergarten rules, workplace rules have workplace rules, we live in the collective need to abide by these rules, within the scope of the rules.
So the question is, how does the awareness of rules develop, is it that children should understand rules when they reach a certain age?
For example, we often say to our children, "You're three years old, you should have to dress yourself," "You're grown up, you should learn to pack your own toys."
Here our default view is that children should understand some rules when they reach a certain age, and then take the initiative to do it themselves, without parents urging and reminding them.
But in fact, we will find that the child can not control himself at all, if you do not intervene, it is difficult for him to take the initiative to pack up the toys, take the initiative to go to bed, and actively turn off the TV.
What's going on? Are our children poorly self-controlled, lazy and procrastinating?
The formation of a sense of rules takes a long time in the process of other laws
Rules are constraints that tell us what can be done and what cannot be done, or when and on what occasion something can be done.
This sense of rules is not something we are born with, but is constantly reminded and constrained externally, becomes a habit, and is internalized into our consciousness. The formation of some rules consciousness also requires mandatory and punitive means, such as laws and regulations, various rules and regulations.
These means of reminder and restraint are other laws.
For children, they do not know what the rules are since birth, and it is their instinct to play without restraint, and the understanding of the rules is established through our "other legal means" of adulthood.
We look at how children build a sense of rules through the following examples:
A baby, 6 months began to add complementary food, we prepared a dining chair for the child, a dinner plate, each meal sat at the table, when entering the stage of grasping food by hand, we let him put his own pilaf into his mouth, do not chase the feeding, do not eat while playing, so that he has been insisting, to the child's two-year-old, he has formed a strong habit, sitting at the table, eating by himself, no need to feed, nor will he leave halfway and come back to eat again, you do not have to remind him again, eat out, eat in kindergarten, the child can abide by the rules of eating.
Baby B, has been chased by parents to feed, while playing while eating, while watching TV while eating, never sit on the table to eat, so that this continues until the age of three, the child will also form a strong habit, they are not willing to eat, eat to watch TV to play with toys, play for a while, can not abide by the rules of dining.
In the matter of eating, these two children received different constraint methods, and the final formation was different habits, and in this process, the awareness and compliance of the dining rules were completely determined by his law firm.
Baby B's behavior can be improved in kindergarten, because the kindergarten has positive other laws such as classmates' role models and teachers' constraints, but after returning home, it is likely to return to the original form, if the parents have not changed their other laws.
Other similar rules for packing up toys, rules for dressing yourself, are the same process of establishment.
To sum up: the child's rule consciousness is not formed autonomously, nor at what age he will take the initiative to do it, he needs to be an adult for a long time in the process of his law, little by little, it is a thing that needs to be done with mental effort, as a parent, of course, the first "other law process" for the establishment of the child's rule awareness, followed by the teacher and the school.
His law is important, but how to correctly "other laws" is more important
Speaking of his law, we will definitely think of these words: discipline, urging, criticism, many parents feel that it is necessary to let their children understand the rules, and it is not okay not to fight or scold.
So there are some scenes like this: when you go out in the morning, parents stand at the door and constantly urge their children to "Can you get dressed quickly, you are late if you are not in a hurry!" When you want your child to pack up the toys, point to the toys on the ground and reprimand the child, "Your own toys should be packed up quickly, and if you don't clean them up, I will throw them at you."
Before brushing such a video, a child cried and said to the father who was sitting next to him angry: I am seriously writing homework, you are brushing your mobile phone next to you, why do you criticize me?
The practice of many parents is: the same rule, you only ask the child to do, but you can't do it yourself, so that the other law is invalid.
The correct "other law process" requires the following:
1. Demonstration by parents
Most of the children's language and behavior are imitating the parents, so it will be said that the child is a mirror for the parents.
When we want to train children to abide by a certain rule, do not just be reasonable, but demonstrate to the child by themselves, such as not littering, cleaning up every day, returning items, washing hands before and after meals, queuing and other rules.
When the child sees that the parents always do this, he will imitate it.
Thank you, hello, sorry and other polite words are often hanging on the lips, and children often take the initiative to say it after hearing it.
2. The rules should be clear and unambiguous
Children in young age have limited language comprehension ability, and when we tell a certain rule to our children, we must be clear and concise, short, and ensure that children can understand.
For example, playing the sliding slide to queue up this rule, we adults understand that "queuing" means standing behind the last person in the line, but the child's first contact with the queue, he does not understand what is called queuing.
If we just tell the child that you need to line up, the action the child might make is to insert himself into a position he thinks is reasonable, rather than behind the last person.
This is that the rules are not clear enough, and we do not express the rules in terms of the child's cognitive ability.
So, the correct way to express it should be like this, with your finger to the child, you see the queue is one after another, you stand behind the last person, and then we take the child to line up to practice once.
3. Do it with your children, rather than letting it go
When we set an example and explain to the child what the rules are, will the child abide by the rules and take the initiative to do it?
No, it's another thing to listen, to see, to do it yourself, because these rules are essentially against the child's wishes, and he certainly doesn't want to do it.
So, the next important step is to take the child with you, and this step will last a long time, such as getting up in the morning to get dressed by yourself.
You put on your own clothes in front of the child, and then tell the child to wear it like a mother, and then you go to brush your teeth and wash your face to make breakfast, and after ten minutes, you may see the scene: the child is playing, and there is no clothes on.
Therefore, when enforcing the rules, we need to assist the child hand in hand, and push forward these things that need to be done in a playful way:
Dressing can be a train drill cave game
Packing toys can be a game of competition
Brushing your teeth and washing your face can be a bug catching game
Only by sticking to it hand in this way can we ensure that the child forms a habit, internalizes the sense of rules, and gradually lets go of the hand.