You are not a genius but can be a genius parent

First, family education is the most error-prone place

First, most of our parents are not specially trained. Whether it's when we were young, or when we grew up in love and started a family, whether it was in school or in society, very few people told us how to be a parent. Even if someone had said it, it was only the elders. They may say "the stick hits the filial piety", "if you don't fight, you don't grow"... Are these ideas circulating in life correct? This requires us to reflect.

To be a driver, you need to study at driving school for 3 months to get a license, but can you learn to be a parent for 3 months? Parents' different languages, behaviors, and education will leave different imprints on their children, and parents who have not been specially trained will inevitably make mistakes.

Second, the psychology of parents who hope for their children to become dragons and their daughters to become phoenixes is easy to deviate from the direction of family education. There is a natural emotional connection between parents and children, especially the integration of mother and child, natural expectations arise, and what they have not achieved and have not done has been turned to the expectation of the child to complete, which is inevitably unrealistic. A copy of "Harvard Girl Liu Yiting" sold millions of copies, which is exactly the psychological reaction of parents. Excessive care and excessive care of parents deprive children of the space to grow. The reporter of the "Yangtze Evening News" found that the current college students do not know how to arrange their lives, in fact, many of them do not think about anything from childhood to adulthood, how can there be growth? Too much restriction and interference to the other extreme will also hinder the release of children's potential.

We often treat our children condescendingly, as "parents": "You were born by me, I let you listen, you don't listen, look for beatings!" How can such family education, which lacks the fundamental spirit of "equality of personality", as stipulated in the United Nations Children's Charter, enable children to grow up healthily.

Third, many parents neglect their educational responsibilities. Since the focus of social attention is school education, parents are more considerive of school education, ignoring that they are the real foundation of education and the key to determining the fate of their children. As the saying goes: three years old looks old. The education received in childhood affects people's lives, children's initial understanding of the world comes from their parents, and the influence of family education is unforgettable. The parental concept that parents are accustomed to is actually a derogatory term in English, with the meaning of "paternalism" and non-democracy. And for a child to complete a thing, he must have a real understanding and acceptance in order to do it well. The disregard for educational responsibilities and the bias of educational concepts naturally lead to the error of family education.

Second, without the growth of parents, there will be no growth of children.

It is said that parents are role models for their children. Usually behind the growth of excellent children into excellent talents, the shadow of a warm and harmonious family can always be found; similarly, a person who forms an unsound personality can also find factors full of conflicts and contradictions in his family.

When parents send their children to primary and secondary schools, they always like to say: "Teacher, this child is all handed over to you, please!" The subtext is "it has nothing to do with me." In fact, this is definitely not the case. The hand that pries the earth is the hand that pushes the cradle. Good families often grow up with parents and children; bad families often have a negative impact on children. There is such a true story to prove it. A second-year child of a school in Zhangjiagang was at home on Sunday night to review for the exam, his parents invited a few friends to come to the house to rub mahjong, and its noise disturbed the child, the child helplessly said: "11 o'clock, still playing, how do I take the exam tomorrow?" "The friends are on their heads, ignoring the child's words. When the child got angry, he turned on the TV and turned up the volume, causing his neighbors to protest, and his parents felt that they had lost face and beat him up. The child ran away overnight...

Friends often ask me how much time I spend with my kids each week? I said that due to the busy work, I did not communicate with the children a lot, but as long as the children saw, I must be reading, writing, and did not need to speak. Is it better to teach by example than to teach by words? How much work parents have to study at home, how many books there are at home, the state of the children cultivated is different. The China Publishing House Association once conducted a survey: 45% of households in China do not have a book collection and a bookcase; 96.8% of households in South Korea have an average collection of more than 500 books. Without a bookish family, where is the scholarly campus and the scholarly society? If parents do not make progress, how can they expect their children to become dragons and phoenixes.

In learning families, parents and children grow together and even influence each other. They often have some successful ways of influencing, such as parent-child co-reading, parent-child communication, telling growth stories, etc. The growth of parents, like the growth of children, is an endless process. The continuous progress and continuous learning of parents have an invisible and profound impact.

Third, morality is more important than learning, and state is greater than method.

1. The most important task of family education is to build the Great Wall of Personality. Looking at people in life is often a handsome cover for ugliness. With high scores, good grades are considered good children. In fact, among the factors that affect lifelong development, scores are not the most important, but play a restrictive role in character, character, happiness as a person, and are welcomed and respected by people, rather than knowledge and learning. Little by little influence will lay a solid foundation for the sound development of personality. We have noticed that many parents are too concerned about learning, as long as they get good results, they will agree to any requirements, meet any wishes, and fulfill any promises. Some children lie, take things from home or other people's things, are self-centered, and don't consider the feelings of others. This kind of educational philosophy and method is worrying.

My child also took things from home when he was a child, but we let him know that the punishment for making such a mistake was far better than the failure to learn knowledge on the exam, and let him know that his father and mother did not value scores very much, but attached great importance to morality, making him a humble person. The formation of behavioral habits is also very important. When my children were young, they lost all day, the ruler they bought today was lost tomorrow, and when they rode to school in the third grade, they often lost their keys and asked us to send them. How to do it! Later we decided: lose the key and run back to get the spare key. In the fourth grade, he carried the car home by himself. How much time and effort does that take! But in exchange for the key, never lose it again. Therefore, parents should pay full attention to the cultivation of moral habits.

2, life destroys people is silent, like dripping water through stones; likewise, life achievements are also silent. Only by paying attention to the details and process of life, only by becoming the master of life, can we be accomplished by life. The new educational experiment has a slogan: "The state is greater than the method, and the method is greater than the hard work." The reality is the opposite, "hard work is greater than the method, method is greater than the state". In fact, the biggest gap between people is the state. With a state there is a method, with a state you want to do things, you can succeed.

Fudan University has a graduate student who jumped off a building and committed suicide, he was once a liberal arts college entrance examination winner in a certain province, it should be said that his academic performance is outstanding, but what? His parents raised him in vain, and it was better to go to college and stay with his children, and there was no contribution to society. One scholar once said that the gap between philosophers and ordinary workers is much smaller than the gap between wild dogs and domestic dogs. The gap between philosophers and workers is caused by the division of labor. The gap between people of the same type of work in a unit is caused by the state. Some people are smart, but he does nothing, he complains about others, and he does nothing.

So the most important thing is the state, the mental method. Whatever contributes to the cultivation of a mental state, do it; if you are helpless, do less or don't do it.

Fourth, return childhood to children

Everyone often sighs: today's children have no childhood and no happiness. As long as you enter school, you will not have a good life. Before entering kindergarten, parents have many dreams to let their children play the piano, draw, sing, dance... As soon as they entered school and entered the examination circle, many parents quit the previous game. Of course, learning is not to give children happiness, but to pin many fantasies. Gradually, reality shattered their dreams, and in junior high school, those beautiful fantasy hobbies were killed. The rest is "bitterness". As the children say, "It's me who gets up first, I sleep the most late, I'm the one who suffers the most, it's me who's tired, it's me, it's me, it's me." "Yes, it is the children who rush to the road every morning before dawn, and the children (and possibly mahjong) who turn off the lights at the latest every night. Today's children are really more bitter than farmers! They didn't enjoy the happiness they deserved!

Happiness is an experience, enjoying the happiness of education, which is a state of education. Asking children to be happy? The answer is no. But the first part of Confucius's "Analects of Linguistics" said: Learning and learning from time to time is not happy! Learning should be joyful. Why can't children learn through play, activities, and play? Why is it called studying when you are locked up in the study? Our parents should pay attention to the psychological happiness index of their children! Don't let Fan Jin reappear!

Fifth, infinitely believe in the potential of children's development

1, appreciation leads to success, complaint leads to failure. Let's start with boys and girls. The toys we give to girls are rag dolls and the like, and the toys we give to boys are often various models and activity types. It contains the meaning that we want girls to be gentle and quiet, and we hope that boys are brave and lively. The result of the girl's fight will be to be disciplined: now it is so crazy, what will it do in the future? The result of the boy fight is appreciated: the naughty child is smart. When children grow up, people say: girls can't do it when they get to middle school, boys can't do it when they get to middle school. Know that lies are repeated a thousand times into truth. Girls are hinted at "no", boys are hinted at "ok", which makes them have different states, so as the author wrote in "Enjoy Happiness": "Say you can do it, you can do it, you can't do it; say you can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it." "If you want your children to do it, then cherish every opportunity for your children to grow, appreciate their growth, appreciate their words and deeds; if you want your children to do not work, then complain and blame them." 」

2) The child's potential is far greater than everything that has been achieved. The study of modern science has long proved that human potential is large. Didn't Zhou Zhou, a disabled person, also become a great conductor? The deaf-mute girl Zhou Ting grew up to be a high-achieving student at a famous university in the United States, which is the masterpiece of her father Zhou Hong's appreciation of education. Let's believe in the potential of children's development indefinitely!

Sixth, let the child have something of their own

While cultivating children's intelligence, parents must not ignore the cultivation of non-intelligence, and should enable the younger generation to have lofty goals, broad interests, warm emotions, strong will, and independent character.

The happiest thing for a person is to make him like one thing, even if it is to plant flowers and raise small animals, so that his spare time and energy can be supplied. Every child, in the family and in school, should have a hobby. What's the best? characteristic. Now the score is the best, and everyone else is a loser. In fact, it is too difficult for children to learn, and some of them are knowledge that they cannot use for a lifetime, what is the value? Education should let the child have a favorite thing, then even if he can't get into college, can't get into a famous brand, he will have a healthy life and a happy life. Different children have different values. What is the value of the suicidal graduate student at Fudan? A lot of good people, they don't have a formal university education. But as they grow up, they learn things like kindness and diligence far more than what they gain from college. Each child can have a different growth path, let him like the same, will affect the quality of life of the child throughout life. Whether a person's spiritual life is happy or not is important.

Seventh, let reading become a way of life for children

Reading is a very important way for children to purify their souls and sublimate their personality. For the growth of children, the main task is to read. But now students rarely read except textbooks. All children who read a lot of books, in general, their vision must be broad, their spirit must be enriched, their ambitions must be lofty, and their pursuits must be persistent. The history of a person's spiritual development is the history of that person's reading.

Reading is the most important thing for people's growth. Those peoples in the world who are full of vitality must be people who love to read, such as the Jews. The three greatest figures in recent history have all come from the Jewish people: Marx changed the human view of society with materialistic dialectics, Einstein established a new cosmology with the theory of relativity, and Freud used psychoanalysis to make people understand themselves more accurately. 40% of the world's richest people are Jewish. The largest number of Nobel laureates are also ethnic Jews. Their reading attitude is almost religious. When the child is born, it is smeared with honey on the book and the child licks, which means that reading can be sweet. Nor will they allow books to be trampled underfoot. Each of them reads an average of 60 books a year, and each Chinese only has 5 books. A person who does not read books is not far away. Whether he reads or not has nothing to do with whether he graduated from college, books are the real university, and it is the paradise that makes people grow spiritually.

Eighth, let the diary accompany the growth of children

It's a good habit to keep a journal. By writing a diary, children can summarize and deepen their thinking about their own learning and life; they can exercise their ability to observe life and the ability to drive language, and improve their writing level; they can let their children pour out their emotions and regulate their emotions; they can cultivate his independent personality and the ability to handle things independently; you can exercise his will, broaden his heart, and purify his heart. Not only children write/teachers write, parents can also write, and there are many successful examples of this. Some even completely change the state of a child, a parent, a school. Because if you want to write wonderfully, you must live wonderfully and do wonderfully.

It is a common fact that precisely because parents feel that they are not geniuses, they especially expect their children to be geniuses. One proposition is certainly true, as long as parents grow up with their children, although we are not geniuses, we can become genius parents.

(Editor-in-Charge: Li Donghai)