Walking on the road, I accidentally saw such a scene: a little girl about six years old had her shoelaces fall off, and she tugged at the woman next to her, and timidly said, "Mom, my shoelaces have fallen off." The woman looked down and scolded the girl in a loud voice: "The world will never find a stupid girl like you again, even the shoelaces are not tied well, really stupid to home!" She squatted down while scolding, quickly helped the girl tie her shoes, and then scolded her: "Hurry up, it's a burden..."
It is estimated that this woman is in a hurry to rush and is a little anxious, but her attitude towards the child is inevitably a little excessive, it is really a knife mouth, and every sentence has great harm to the child. However, the moment she crouched down to tie the child's shoelaces, it clearly revealed the tofu heart of the mother.
In life, there are many such parents, who treat their children with "knife mouth tofu heart". They think that hitting children in this way is to strictly require children and is conducive to their growth, but they do not think that the "knife mouth tofu heart" education method is mostly a failure.
The "knife mouth tofu heart" has a great damage to the parent-child relationship, and the child will gradually close the heart window and alienate the parents.
On a psychological program on TV, I once saw such a case, a father smashed his mobile phone angrily when his son did not listen to advice and willfully played with his mobile phone, and shouted to his son: "Get out, I don't have your son." When the son hesitated, he continued to shout: "Get out of my house, we will break off the relationship!" The son finally rushed out of the house, when there was a thunderstorm outside. Although they quickly found the child who ran out of the house, the child's heart was completely hurt, and for two years he avoided his father, did not talk to his father, did not eat with his father, and the parent-child relationship completely collapsed. As a last resort, the father had to turn to a professional.
I once read a message that a father and daughter had a fierce argument, and the daughter could not stand the stimulation of her father's language and turned and jumped into the river. Seeing the situation, the father did not hesitate in the slightest, and jumped into the river to rescue his daughter.
The above two fathers, in fact, did not love their children, but when they carried out verbal violence against their children, they did not expect their harm to their children.
Parents of "knife mouth tofu heart" do not realize that their language is a kind of violence, which will seriously hit the child and make the child miserable. Although they have a "tofu heart" for their children in their hearts and are willing to give everything for their children, they may be due to temper or wrong concepts, and they always involuntarily "speak evil language" to the child, and use the harm of language to push the child farther and farther away.
There was once a hot question on Zhihu: What kind of experience is it to have a "knife mouth tofu heart" mother? "The comments below are many, but focus on one point: desperate, really looking forward to getting away sooner...
Children can't choose their parents, and they can't change their parents, they can only endure, hoping that they will grow up quickly and then leave. But some children, before they can grow up, their personalities become cowardly, weak, and even twisted because of the continuous blows of their parents, and they embark on the road of no return.
The "knife mouth tofu heart" often unconsciously makes children fall into learned helplessness, which makes children lack self-confidence.
As the saying goes: a good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June. Not to mention the harsh words of parents who hit their children.
Perhaps some parents do not admit that they are bad words to their children, but instead think that they are motivating their children, and the blow is just to make the children run faster and jump higher, but they do not know that their habitual blows have beaten the children to the head, let alone want to let the children get ahead.
Psychology has a "learned helplessness" effect, which refers to a hopeless and helpless behavior and mental state toward reality. In the successive harsh negations of their parents, children gradually accept their parents' judgment of themselves, believing that they are the person in their parents' mouths, such as "stupid", "stupid", "not out of breath", etc., so they are even more unable to face reality and difficulties, and become more "incompetent".
Know a mother and daughter, the mother is strong, the daughter is well-behaved and sensible. When my daughter was in the first grade of elementary school, she was at the top of almost every exam, but my daughter never received her mother's affirmation. On the contrary, every time the daughter happily took the 100-point test paper to show her mother, not only did not get the mother's praise, but also was ridiculed by the mother: "Some people who score 100 points are much worse than others..." Once the daughter only scored more than 90 points, she must be criticized: "Why are you so stupid?" Such a simple problem can be done wrong! The mother often reminded her: "There are many smarter classmates than you..." Under the mother's constant so-called "spur", her daughter's grades fell all the way to the fifth grade, becoming a poor student in the class. The mother's knife mouth not only did not stimulate the child's fighting spirit, but also cut off the child's self-confidence, so that the child thought that he was worse than others, and learned helplessness in the face of learning.
"Knife mouth tofu heart" inadvertently deprives children of many learning opportunities, making it difficult for children to grow.
On the one hand, when parents implement a "knife mouth" on their children, weak children often become timid because of their inability to refute and resist. Children who grow up in the "mouth of the knife" often lack creativity and lack motivation to learn new things and new knowledge. On the other hand, parents' instinctive "tofu heart" for their children makes them hit their children while hurting their children, and they often overstep their bounds, so that children lose the opportunity to learn and hone.
One mother kept scolding her daughter: "You're a pig, you make the bedroom look like a pig's nest." "I also talk about how sloppy my daughter is, especially in front of my daughter. She tries to arouse her daughter's self-esteem by belittling her daughter, so that her daughter recognizes her mistakes and corrects them. At the same time, she is distressed that her daughter lives in an untidy environment, so she often scolds her daughter while tidying up the room for her daughter, including folding quilts, sorting out clothes, cleaning, etc. Although these things, the original daughter has the time and ability to do, but over time, the daughter has developed a habit, accustomed to the mother's hurtful words, accustomed to not doing anything, will not do. Until her daughter went to college and lived in school, was disliked by her roommates, and had difficulty getting along with her classmates, her mother just blindly blamed her daughter and never reflected on her own education.
In the hearts of some parents, knife mouth tofu heart is regarded as a good way of education, and they think that this education model is the outside and soft on the inside. the outside, using knife-like words can force children to progress faster; on the inside, with a soft heart like tofu, spoil the child from another aspect.
But I don't realize:
Knife-like verbal violence will make the child's weak heart scarred, self-esteem low into the dust, the child no longer has the confidence to face life, especially in the case of parents using the so-called "love" behind the scenes to help, the child will really understand that the execution is not good, it seems that it is always "not big", and eventually becomes the appearance that parents and themselves hate.
Countless facts have proved that for children," "knife mouth tofu hearts", most of them have failed in education!
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