There is a detail in Ode to Joy:
When Andy and Wei Wei (Singularity) first met for dinner, they asked a question: "Are you married?" In terms of my personal relationships, I need to use this to determine the sense of proportion between us. ”
And when Singularity replied to himself alone, Andy left his contact information.
A very simple detail, but it exposes Andy's sense of proportion in his interactions with the opposite sex.
When it comes to "getting along with the opposite sex", people's thinking is easily biased.
Some people say that the opposite sex should still maintain a sense of distance, too close, the impact on each other's reputation is not very good.
Some people also say: It is an ordinary friend, who is not afraid of the shadow.
But in fact, when others point fingers at the friendship relationship between men and women, does anyone really not care?
In the opposite sex, it is best not to cross certain lines, otherwise the relationship will become impure.
-01
The line of the spatial distance
Psychologically, it is called "safe distance".
When we get along with different people, we show different distances from each other.
For example, when getting along with strangers, you will maintain a distance of about 1 meter; when waiting for the bus at the station, you will deliberately keep a distance from the people next to you.
When getting along with good friends, there is no problem with each other; when getting along with family and lovers, there is no concept of safe distance.
This is a "spatial distance", with different people, our subconscious will influence our behavior, and respond differently to each other's relationship.
In the process of heterosexual coexistence, spatial distance is also very important.
Between you and your lover, you can hug and hold hands, these are very normal behaviors, and others will not feel any discomfort.
But if you have such intimate behavior with friends of the opposite sex, not only will others feel inappropriate, but you will also feel "awkward" in each other's hearts.
For example, when the opposite sex invites you to his house, only the two of you are there, and you need to pay more attention to the sense of proportion.
We can look at the relationship between Luo Zijun and He Han in the play "The First Half of My Life".
Luo Zijun, as Tang Jing's good girlfriend, did not know a sense of proportion when she got along with He Han.
Every time He Han drove her to the door, he did not shy away from their relationship, and there was also a girlfriend Tang Jing in the middle, which should not have happened from the beginning.
Later facts also proved that between the two, Luo Zijun and He Han's feelings became deeper and deeper, and the relationship became more and more ambiguous.
-02
The line of psychological distance
In addition to spatial distance, there is also psychological distance.
What is psychological distance?
When we get along with our friends, we confide in each other and share our feelings, life experiences, work, bad negative emotions, etc.
When we are willing to show ourselves to each other without reservation and expose ourselves, this means that the sense of psychological distance is "zero".
Generally speaking, when we get along with friends of the same sex, we don't care about this sense of proportion, because we know each other well enough and know each other well enough.
However, when getting along with friends of the opposite sex, there are some topics that cannot be shared.
For example: your emotional experience, your relationship with your lover, the dilemma of your current feelings, and even whether you have cohabitation with your lover.
Similar topics are not convenient to share with friends of the opposite sex.
If you're always sharing these topics with each other, and you don't realize it, the relationship between the two of you is "over the limit" a little bit.
Once the relationship exceeds that "safety line," it means that your relationship is no longer so pure.
In "The First Half of My Life", at what stage did the relationship between He Han and Luo Zijun further develop?
He Han felt sympathy for Luo Zijun's bad experience, which stimulated his deep "personal heroism" as a man.
He Han felt: Luo Zijun is very fragile, she needs companionship at this moment, and she needs someone to take her out of the shadow of divorce and put her life back on track.
And Luo Zijun did not shy away from it at all, completely exposing his emotional wounds to He Han.
In the intervening years, the two people could no longer restrain each other.
Tang Jing's girlfriend relationship with Luo Zijun was completely broken; Tang Jing's love with He Han ended here.
The relationship that could have been managed well was very unpleasant because He Han and Luo Zijun "lacked a sense of proportion".
-03
What principles should be paid attention to when the opposite sex gets along?
First: have a sense of proportion, do something and do something
If you are both single, you can pour out your emotions to each other, eat with each other and watch movies;
But if none of you are single and have your own feelings and family life, then you can't meet alone.
This is called a sense of proportion, and every adult should have this trait.
This is loyalty and respect for our other half; it is the sense of distance that we as friends should maintain for each other.
Second: When you feel uncomfortable, please say it directly
If some of the other person's behavior is too close to you and makes you feel uncomfortable, be sure to say it directly.
"Please don't get so close to me."
If you don't resist and don't express your thoughts, he'll think you've "acquiesced to him."
More sincerity always helps to get along in heterosexual relationships.
Third: If it is not necessary, do not spend the night alone with each other
Needless to say, adults understand.
From the perspective of psychology, people's mood at night is always unstable, easy to be emotional, reason is suppressed by emotional and physiological desires, and it is easy to do wrong things.
Therefore, when the opposite sex gets along, it is also necessary to do this sense of proportion.
Today's Topic:
How do you get along with friends of the opposite sex?
(Article with picture source network)