Recently, the prototype of the movie "Dear" Sun Haiyang finally found his son Sun Zhuo, who had been separated for 14 years, and was blessed by countless people.
In the process of Sun Zhuo's being retrieved, Fu Jiantao, who was abducted by the same celebrity trafficker, can be described as "indispensable".
However, unlike Sun Zhuo, Fu Jiantao clearly remembers the scenes before he was abducted, and he also has a relatively clear memory of his biological father and mother.
So why hasn't he called the police all these years, or is he looking for relatives?
When the police asked this question, Fu Jiantao said that because he was naughty when he was a child, his mother once said to him, "If you don't obey anymore, they will sell you"! So after being abducted by human traffickers, he once thought that his mother and his adoptive mother had reached a deal, so he did not say a word at his adoptive parents' house, until he grew up and gradually understood the origin of the matter.
In fact, just like what happened to Fu Jiantao, many Chinese-style mothers inadvertently cause harm "in the name of love" when educating their children, and in the end, although they have paid a lot of hardships, they have raised their children into "enemies".
The mother of the "knife mouth, tofu heart" will destroy the child
The Global Child Safety Organization once released such a set of posters, nervous and cautious children holding 26-point test papers in their hands, facing their mothers are constantly reprimanded:
"Did your brain let the pigs eat it?"
"Do you still have a face to go home after the test?"
The child holds a broken vase in his hand, stares at innocent eyes, and greets his mother's scolding:
"Every day you are hairy, you were a troublemaker in your last life?"
"It's really unlucky to have you at home!"
The irritating language spewed out from the mother's "knife mouth" became a deep scar on the child's body, making them lose their original smiling faces.
Don't such mothers love their children? The answer is, of course, no, they rebuke their children for their original intentions, but because they do not know how to express, they have caused harm to the children.
Finally, over time, the distance between children and parents is getting farther and farther, the parent-child relationship is getting worse and worse, and even the child's personality development is affected, and he has lived in the shadow of the original family all his life.
It's all for the kids, "moral kidnapping" moms
"Am I working hard not all for you?"
"If it weren't for you, I would have divorced your father!"
When educating their children, many Chinese-style mothers always put their own sacrifices on their lips, in a vain attempt to make such pressure a driving force for their children's growth, so as to invisibly "morally kidnap" their children, so as to achieve the purpose of making them work hard and obediently.
In the movie "Your Child Is Not Your Child", the little girl Lin Lili has excellent grades, is well-behaved and sensible, and is a typical "other person's child", but she chose to commit suicide, and the reason is her "moral kidnapping" mother.
Lin Lili lives in a single-parent family, her mother is a returnee who graduated with a master's degree, and she has extremely high requirements for Lin Lili's education, and even in order to educate her well, she chose to resign and become a full-time mother.
So Lin Lili has lived in an extremely depressed family environment since she was a child, and when she does something wrong, her mother will yell at her: "If I hadn't given birth to you, I would be a professor now!" Why don't I let the professor do it, and be angry with you here"!
In the eyes of Lin Lili's mother, she is willing to sacrifice everything for her daughter, but her daughter cannot see her efforts, but in Lin Lili's eyes, her mother does not love her, but only to maintain her so-called face.
Whenever Lin Lili smashed the test, she would "cut her wrists and harm herself", and finally she was overwhelmed and chose to jump off the building to commit suicide.
Children as an independent individual, they have their own thoughts, if the mother falls into a deliberate "self-touch", with sacrifice to "moral kidnapping" of the child, will only let the child live in self-blame and guilt, invisibly bear a huge amount of mental pressure, and the mother still feels aggrieved and dissatisfied, do not know that the problem lies in themselves.
The mother who is too controlling and wants to have complete control over her child
Some mothers hope to pave a "good road" for their children and let them obediently move forward according to their own prescribed routes, but they do not realize that such a desire for control will make their children suffocate and want to escape.
Zi You in the TV series "Little Shed", not only has good grades, but also very sensible, his mother let him go east, he will never go west, he has been trying to be a good child in his mother's eyes, but in the end he was forced into depression by his mother who was too controlled and suffered from schizophrenia.
For this kind of controlling mother, their expression of love for their children is to take full control of their children's lives, so that he can live his ideal life according to his own ideas, and it does not matter what the child thinks.
Psychologist Rogers once said: "Love is deeply understood and accepted".
If the mother can give the child more respect, so that the child can decide the future direction of life according to his thoughts, perhaps it is a greater success in education.
Crooked Mom Conclusion:
Mothers love their children instinctively, but being good at loving their children is their ability.
If the mother's love for the child makes him avoid it, then the mother needs to reflect more, and the child who has been raised with all her strength and dedication has finally become an "enemy", which is the greatest sorrow for a mother.
Today's topic: Do you have such a mother around you?