What does the ubiquitous "blow" education ruin the child in the end?

Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

1

To be honest, have you ever ridiculed children?

Because many people have the talent to ridicule people, they have not left behind as parents.

I also think it's a humorous way.

Indeed, self-deprecation and occasional sarcasm among friends can be said to be a way to relax and show favor.

But when parents grab their children's problems and ridicule their children.

That sense of fun is gone.

Even if the adult who said it was complacent, felt that what he said was level, hit the child's point, and did not point it out so nakedly.

However, everyone who cares about children around will also find such humor boring, and for children, it is even more painful, but it is easy to be ignored.

This is adults basing their happiness on the pain of their children.

In many families, children have to endure this sarcastic love from their parents.

In particular, many elderly people believe in this kind of "blow-style" education.

I feel that the child cannot praise, and I am afraid that the child will be too proud.

So habitually to hit children, they feel that hitting education can make children better.

Some parents will say that this is for the good of their children, to point out problems, and to motivate their children.

But you forget that a child is also an individual.

They need to be respected and need to communicate equally.

2

There was a boy in a relative's family who had just entered middle school.

Every time I go, I find that he seems to be afraid to see his father.

Because every time he ate, Dad would start to beat him sarcastically.

Originally, this boy was usually very silent, and he didn't have much to say to his father, but he was closer to his mother and sister, and he was also dodging when he saw the living.

Once, during dinner, we were all seated and didn't see him coming.

His father drank at him, and he sat carefully on the corner of the table with his head down and bowl.

"I really don't have long eyes, I have to be called every time I eat, I don't know to take the initiative!"

"You see your sister is all seated, just swallow slowly, like a stupid pig."

The child's mother persuaded him to say a few words less, and then stopped.

But it still didn't really stop.

When eating vegetables, if the child is sandwiching all dried vegetables.

Dad would sarcastically say, "No wonder it's dark and thin, depending on what kind of dish you eat." ”

The child was a little angry and looked at his father.

Dad will have a bigger temper: "Look at me, why am I wrong?" Who are you, don't I know! ”

The boy blushed, and the sticksticks he stretched out stopped in the air again, not knowing what dish to eat.

I had to hurriedly pull a few bites and left.

"Alas! How did you give birth to such a cub. ”

Do you say his dad really doesn't love him?

In fact, it is not that he does not love children, but he feels that his son's behavior does not meet his expectations.

He hoped that his son would be confident and cheerful, but what happened!

Seeing yourself is avoided.

He did not reflect on whether it was his own problem or his child's problem.

But he has long blamed all this on the child, so he spares no effort to ridicule and hit the child.

He expects his blow to be a spur to change the child.

But actually?

Your "blow" education will only make the child farther and farther away from his intended state.

The parent-child relationship will also become more and more rusty.

3

As they grow up, each child constantly evaluates themselves.

It's as if we ourselves often look in the mirror and look at ourselves in the mirror.

Sometimes I also think about my actions and words and engage in self-reflection.

The same goes for children.

Little them, will also think about what they are like?

Am I popular?

Am I smart?

Will I grow up?

With these questions, they stumbled and carefully searched for answers.

Sensitively capturing information from the outside world, what do people say about me?

What am I like in my parents' hearts?

You may think that children are small, are these things important?

Of course it matters!

Suppose parents always say that children are stupid, lazy, and annoying.

They will only hear "So I'm stupid, am I really stupider than others?" ”

"It turns out that I really don't like everyone, and my parents said the same."

Even if you say children, the original intention is to hope that children can read more, think more, become smarter, and become diligent.

But such a negative evaluation of yours will only get the opposite effect.

Because parental denial cannot inspire a positive image in the child.

If you continue to ridicule and deny the child, then the child will regard this as his true self - I am such a person.

In this way, step by step, the child's self-confidence is destroyed.

4

In the usual parenting process, many parents often easily ignore the problems of their children at that time, and instead like to pull together the mistakes made by their children in the past.

What is it for?

Used as strong evidence to "criticize" the child.

In irrational situations, the real, immediate problems are ignored.

And the child's personality is taken under fire.

If you lose something, there will be a definition in a hurry, you are a careless person, sooner or later you will lose everything at home, do you know what a "loser" is, it's like you.

If you fight with classmates, often don't talk about fighting, but count the children, you love to fight so much, sooner or later you will go to prison, and if you want the police to manage you, I can't control you.

Such scenarios are very common.

If the child has a problem, why not directly ask the problem and talk about it?

Because many parents lack the patience to face the problem and solve it.

Parents who have become accustomed to sarcasm and sarcasm cannot say that they do not love their children.

But they can't get out of this psychological quagmire.

Here, they feel stressed, difficult, and even embarrassed.

Not to mention how much effort it takes to raise a child, even if it is to raise a pot of flowers and plants, it takes a lot of effort.

To raise a good child, parents have to be self-disciplined, they have to learn, and they have to constantly change themselves.

Only in this way can we reflect, improve, and solve some problems.

And many parents don't want to spend this time.

They have problems that are more irritable than children, and they just want to throw a tantrum and hide.

Under the anger and corruption, he will also ridicule and hit the child, thinking that this will solve the problem.

But in fact, after losing your temper, only discomfort and regret remain.

Can you really give up all this that you want to throw away when you are angry?

In the end, it is still necessary to stitch up, to make up for it.

So why not prepare before the storm comes?

Because percussive education destroys the close relationship between parents and children.

Let the child not feel the inner security, and the kind of longing love.

5

The minimum cultivation of parents is not to ridicule and hit their children.

When you get emotional and want to scold your child, calm down for 30 seconds.

When those hurtful words come to your heart, please keep your mouth shut and don't hurt people.

In fact, let go and think about it.

Look at it from another angle, and you will find that every child actually has advantages and longs for the affirmation of their parents.

Why do you always cling to their shortcomings?

If someone troubles you every day and can't get by with you, will you still pay attention to this person?

Presumably, it is too late to hide.

Children cannot avoid their parents because of various restrictions.

Sometimes it's very easy to forgive your parents.

But this is no reason to acquiesce in your sarcasm.

So instead of always grabbing the child's problems, it is better to find those shining points in the child, encourage him, and make the child feel that he is actually great.

Parents who truly respect their children will eventually be respected by their children.

Parents who can understand their children can also exchange their children's understanding.

If you complain or blame your child for not doing a good job.

Let's see if you're doing enough.

The answer is often here.