The mother opened the file bag privately, and the daughter cried angrily! Parents without a sense of boundaries, how many children are ruined

Recently, a video of "mother privately opening file bags, daughter is angry and crying" has sparked heated discussions.

The video shows that the girl walks into the house to find that the file bag on the table has been opened, and collapses and yells: "Mom! You can't open it! Open it and it won't work! The school will not accept it! ”

Mom replied, "I don't know." ”

The girl introduced that the file bag was covered with obvious seals and signs, and she also reminded her parents not to open it at will.

However, the girl's mother did not control her curiosity and unsealed her daughter's graduation file bag on her own, causing the girl's extreme dissatisfaction and helplessness.

Many netizens commented one after another, and one of the netizens' comments received high praise:

"This is obviously that parents have too strong voyeurism and too weak a sense of boundaries."

What is the sense of boundaries between parents and children?

To the question of what is the sense of boundary, someone gave this answer:

Parents respect but do not force their children's decisions; Parents bless but do not disturb their children's lives; Be bold and let your child be the best version of themselves.

But parents, often have a hard time doing this.

In "Little Parting", Dong Wenjie is a parent without boundaries, what high school her daughter examines, what tutoring classes she attends, when she does homework, and who she makes friends with, she has to intervene, and even peek at her daughter's diary and flip through her daughter's things.

There are countless parents like Dong Wenjie, and a survey showed that 80.2% of 4,898 people said that their lives were seriously interfered with by their parents.

When children were young, they said this:

"Why do you have to close the door, are you playing games behind my back again?"

"What is the use of learning to dance, study culture well"

"Listen to your mother, just buy this red one..."

When the children grow up, they say something like this:

"It's good to report this major! Good job search"

"What to toss blindly, what business to create, be a good civil servant"

30 years old, no object yet, hurry up and give me a blind date..."

They interfere in everything about their children without boundaries, keep the parent-child relationship conflicted, and persistently believe that they are always right:

I'm all for your own good, listen to me;

I give birth to you and raise you, and you must listen to me; 

I'm your mother, why can't I know everything about you

……

Psychology master Hellinger said that a good family must have a sense of boundaries.

The biggest contradiction in the Chinese parent-child relationship is the contradiction between parents who unremittingly discipline their children and their desire to live their children freely.

Parents have no sense of boundaries,

It's a disaster for children

On Zhihu, there is a hot topic: what is it like to have a very controlling mother?

One netizen's answer was embarrassing.

A few days ago, school was on winter break, but she didn't want to go home.

Because when she returned home, her mobile phone would be confiscated by her parents. Her parents have all her information, communication records, SMS records, Alipay passwords, Taobao passwords, etc.

During college, her parents used to register her for many exams and never asked her if she wanted to take them.

I am already an adult, but every time I go out to play, I have to report to my parents and ask for their consent.

Netizens sighed: Sometimes I think it's not wrong to listen to adults, but this seems to have no self.

Parents care for their children, which is a sign of responsibility.

However, if you care too much and don't care about the child's psychological feelings, you cross the line.

Especially when the child is an adult, and the parents have to do everything in detail, the child will never be able to become an adult psychologically.

Parental love can be intimate, but it cannot be inseparable.

How to be a parent with a sense of boundaries?

1. Do not arrange the child's life

Many parents are always taking care of everything for their children.

Children only need to follow the expectations of their parents and get the desired results.

But such a parenting style will undoubtedly deprive children of the opportunity to grow and do things, and it is easy to raise a "white-eyed wolf" who does not know how to be grateful.

To be a parent, you must first have a sense of boundaries, starting with a clear understanding of what is the child's business and what is the parent's business. The child's affairs are solved by the child himself, but in times of difficulty, parents can help the child to cross over.

In this way, children will do their own thing, do not rely on their parents, and grow into an independent and sound personality.

2. Respect and support children's interests

In the United States, a 9-year-old boy, Ryan, is already the CEO of his own company at a young age.

At the age of 3, Ryan developed a keen interest in garbage sorting. When his parents discovered his hobby, they did not think that it was an idea of not doing business, but supported his interest.

With the help of his family, Ryan started his own company at the age of 7 and has recycled more than 200,000 bottles and cans.

Albert Einstein once said, "Interest is the best teacher." "Behind every extraordinary achievement, there is no separation from the support of interest.

As a parent, we must fully respect the interests of our children and strictly abide by their boundaries. Do not use adult utilitarianism to deny and interfere with children, what we have to do is to provide advice for children and provide high-quality soil for children's interests.

In this way, children can take responsibility for their own choices and become the best version of themselves.

3. Parents do not give up self-growth

Psychologist Wu Zhihong once shared in "Strange Conference":

One girl said that she and her boyfriend had been in a relationship for 3 years, but her mother just didn't agree to them being together. And the reason for the mother's opposition is not that the boy has bad conditions, nor is it that the boy has a bad character ...

What she cares about is her daughter's "betrayal", and her daughter secretly fell in love for half a year before she found out. Faced with the panic of losing her daughter, the mother ignored her daughter's boyfriend.

In fact, parents refuse to leave their children, it is because parents are unwilling to grow up on their own and graduate from their parents.

However, when children grow up, they should be separated from their parents, enter their own adult world, and live their own lives. Every parent should be prepared to be separated from their children.

We don't give up on self-growth, and persistently cultivate ourselves, always maintaining our hobbies and interests. There are so many beautiful things in life, and every thing related to oneself is more important than controlling and arranging children.

Why do parents interfere with the topic of their children's filling in volunteers, why do they poke the pain points of many people?

This undoubtedly reflects that the most lacking thing in the Chinese-style parent-child relationship is a sense of boundary!

Being a parent, keeping an appropriate distance from your child, and learning how to love and respect your child is a practice.

The best parent-child relationship should be intimate and interconnected, full of boundaries!