Mother gambles on daughter's life: I want to remind all parents to stop educating their children like this

Author: Kaede of the main creative group

As soon as I got home from work, I saw this scene:

The son clenched his hands into fists, his lips were tightly pursed, his eyes stared at his husband deadly, his eyes were full of anger, just like looking at an enemy, and roared: "I hate you——! ”

Not to be outdone, my husband responded: "Is it? I won't care if you die! ”

I quickly pulled the father and son apart, afraid that they would fight in the next second. Then, I started to ask my husband what was going on.

It turned out that the son was in a mood and did not want to practice words, and after a few unhelpful urgings, her husband began to gamble: "If you don't write well, I will throw away all your Lego, and you won't have to go to school tomorrow." ”

The son was actually angry, saying that he knew this trick every time.

The son is only 12 years old, so he does not listen to discipline, the husband is not lightly angry, grabbed a bunch of Lego indiscriminately and wants to throw it in the trash, the son saw the situation, ran to the study to take out the wine treasured by his husband, and also wanted to throw it away.

Neither of them would give in, so there was the scene I just saw.

I am particularly helpless, in fact, my son, who has just entered puberty, is inevitably irrational due to incomplete brain development and insufficient life experience, and often behaves "angry".

As a parent, if you only gamble on the moment, you are more like a child than a child.

Want to educate children, but as a result, let the relationship between each other become hot, not only does not help education, but also easily hurts children.

Gambling has never been education, but anger

A senior home educator once said:

We often sing about the selflessness of parental love, but forget that some parents really fight with their children, even if you make me angry like this, I will take revenge.

Gambling has never been education, but anger.

In Zibo, Shandong, a 13-year-old girl couldn't open it because she was reprimanded by her mother, locked the door of her room, and sat by the window on the sixth floor.

When the firefighters arrived, the girl had her legs sticking out of the window, she was very emotional, and she could jump off the building at any time to kill herself.

For the safety of the girl, the firefighters persuaded her mother to apologize to the girl first and stabilize the girl's emotions.

But the mother put her hands around her chest and walked away directly, bluntly saying that it was impossible for her to apologize to her daughter.

The child is going to give birth to himself, but the mother is gambling.

The firefighter was angry and anxious, and couldn't help but ask his mother:

"She's your own, isn't she?"

"If you can't say anything to apologize, can I teach you to say it sentence by sentence?"

When it comes to this, my mother is still fighting, refusing to compromise, and the reason is simple: "She threatens me every time, you know?" ”

A netizen's message in the comment area was very sharp: The child's temper is brought out by you! You love to gamble, and children dare to gamble with their lives! The bet is on who is more ruthless!

It makes no sense that parents and children gamble, in fact, they put themselves in opposition to their children.

At this moment, the harbor of home has become a battlefield, parents have become enemies, and there is no affection between parents and children, only winning and losing.

What is even more sad is that such wayward parents are not uncommon in real life.

There was a mother who "threatened" her son not to eat without writing his homework because his son was struggling with his homework.

The son was indifferent, and the mother pumped her son.

In the end, the son still did not write his homework, and the mother gambled that she would not let her son sleep.

The son slept when he was sleepy and lay on the ground, and the mother took a needle to "intimidate" the son - the mother asked the son to read and study, as long as the son closed his eyes, he would prick it.

On the high-speed train from Shanghai to Suzhou, a mother and son quarreled, the mother asked the boy to read, but the son refused on the grounds that reading on the train hurt his eyes.

The mother couldn't get angry, so she left her son and got out of the car early.

The son is only 12 years old, penniless, does not bring a mobile phone, and there may be unforeseen accidents when he gets off the high-speed train, but the mother still has to gamble.

In Liaoning, a mother dragged her daughter to jump into the sea because her daughter did not take online classes well.

The waves were one after another, and half of her daughter's body was submerged, and she was even more heartbroken because she was afraid of crying.

But the mother was not moved in the slightest, dragging her daughter to the deep sea...

It is human nature for children to disobey and parents to have emotions.

But blindly competing with the child, gambling, and letting his negative emotions vent on the child will only make the child deeply feel the ruthlessness of his parents, not education.

Such "gambling" parenting, although it wins the child in action, it loses love and family affection from the child's heart.

Years later, your child may forget what you were angry about, but remember how angry you were for the rest of their lives.

Parents gamble for a while, and children have no confidence in their lives

Teacher Fan Deng once shared a story.

A young German boy and his father agreed to do carpentry together in the afternoon, but the boy forgot about it because he was too excited to play outside.

When he got home, his father was already working, and the boy gave his father a hand with guilt and helped him in all kinds of ways.

But no matter how much the boy showed favor and worked hard, Dad just ignored him.

As a result, the boy's mood changed from guilt to anger, then from anger to disappointment, and finally from disappointment to cold war: "You ignore me, I ignore you!" ”

Years later, the boy grew up and became sensible, but he could not let go of this matter.

Every time he remembered that afternoon, Dad ignored his own images, he would be particularly helpless and desperate.

Many times, in order to punish their children, parents will gamble to let their children stay in their mistakes for a longer time.

In fact, the book "Positive Discipline" has long told us:

Emotional punishment from parents brings resentment, revenge, rebellion, withdrawal, but does not bring reflection and change.

Remembering the experience of a netizen on Douban, since childhood, the landlord's mother likes to use gambling to solve problems:

She ate and grinded, and her mother waited until the hourglass was finished for half an hour, so she directly took away the dishes and chopsticks and meals, regardless of whether she was full or not.

She occasionally forgets to do housework, and her mother will keep her face black and not say a word to her.

On the way home, she had an argument with her mother, and her mother directly let her get off the electric car and let her walk home by herself.

……

In such an atmosphere of growth, she lived every day carefully, nervous and sensitive.

She did not dare to cry or make trouble, and she digested everything by herself. The character is also becoming more and more timid and cowardly, and does not dare to have their own opinions and ideas.

Everything depends on her mother's face and acts, and before doing something, the first thing she considers is whether her mother will be angry.

The movie "Dog Thirteen" has this line:

"Look, this kid is so sensible."

"How do you know if she's afraid, silent, compromised?"

If you don't agree with your word, gambling with your child is the deepest fear that parents give their children.

Like a blunt knife cutting flesh, it tortures people's hearts one by one, and vividly cuts off the child's sense of security and healthy psychology throughout his life.

Parents with high emotional intelligence are good at giving their children steps

I've heard a very plausible quote:

As parents, we all have a fear when educating our children: we are afraid that we will not be able to control our children without the "shelf" of our parents. I am afraid that if I do not "teach a lesson" to my child, the child will kick his nose on his face.

Therefore, when there are conflicts and contradictions between parents and children, we often overreact.

But in fact, the purpose of discipline should be to modify behavior, not to really gamble with children.

Yes, gambling with children is actually a manifestation of immaturity.

Parents with high emotional intelligence will not exalt the authority of their parents to compete with their children and gamble, but put down their bodies and put down the shelf to give their children a step and achieve their children's growth.

I can't help but think of the experience of writer "Qian'er's father" Han Tao arguing with his son.

Once, because my son was worried about playing with the iPad, when he finished his drawing homework, he randomly drew a few strokes and handed it over.

Qian'er's father saw that his son had coped with the situation, so he criticized: "If you don't want to draw, you can not draw, just make a few perfunctory strokes, you make a living, you take it away." ”

I thought that my son would admit his mistake at this, but instead of apologizing, my son frowned, straightened his chest, and yelled: "You let me take it, I don't take it, I won't!" ”

Qian'er's father's temper suddenly came up, and he shouted: "Then don't show it to me, because I don't look at such things!" ”

"If you don't look at it, you won't look at it, and I won't draw it in the future!"

"Don't scare people with this, you love to draw or not!"

At that time, the son was not convinced or angry, Qian'er's father held a fire, and the two were in a stalemate.

But not long after, Qian'er's father realized that he was making useless gambling with his child, so he made concessions in time and gave the child a step, which can be called a textbook:

1. See and accept children's emotions

He lowered his voice, slowed his tone, and asked his son: "I asked you to take the painting away, it made you feel uncomfortable, didn't you?" ”

2. Express your emotions, not emotionally

"Actually, I don't mean to humiliate you, I just think that you finally drew a picture, but you didn't use your brain, and you didn't draw it with your heart, which is a pity."

3. Do not hard bars, but land softly

"Dad likes your paintings very much and thinks that your paintings are really powerful, but because you are in a hurry and did not draw carefully, you can't see it."

After saying this, the son not only collected the thorns on his body, but also offered to paint another one.

In fact, children's change requires strength.

Gambling with children will only make the child's inner energy used to resist the emotions of parents, resulting in needles between parents and children.

As parents, whether we can remain rational and calm, do not gamble, do not drill into the horns, and lead our children back to the right path in time when we are entangled in all kinds of trivial matters and are angry with our children.

To give the child a step is to let the parents walk from the opposite side of the child to the front of the child to guide.

Give yourself an emotional outlet and give your child a time to reflect.

Only in this way can the child turn his attention to his own behavior, slowly modify his behavior, and become what his parents want.

The book "Positive Discipline" says:

"Only in a kind and determined atmosphere can children develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation and self-solving skills, learn social and life skills that will benefit them for life, and achieve good academic results."

We want our children to be obedient, and it is useless to be vindictive.

Education is never about being "ruthless" with anyone, let alone about winning or losing.

On the way to raising children, we will inevitably encounter such and such problems, and the real effective education should be that parents can appropriately lower their posture, be a container of love for children, always guide and help children gently and firmly, and let children feel the respect and attention of parents to TA.

For the sake of our children's tomorrow, may parents put away their bad emotions, lower their high authority, and give their children a little more tenderness, patience, and tolerance...

Children who are treated gently can grow up more dazzling.