CCTV's coming-of-age ceremony: Why do children always feel sorry for their parents?

Text | Rice grain mother

A few days ago, Migrain's mother accidentally saw an extremely embarrassing video:

When a high school held an 18-year-old bar mitzvah for a child, it secretly asked parents to wear old age makeup.

It is said that the education effect is very good, and children burst into tears on the spot when they see their parents "getting old".

The school said that it hopes to let children know how to be grateful in this way, and they must study hard now if they want to give their parents a more stable life in the future.

After reading it, the rice grain mother called out: I am afraid that there is that serious disease.

How, parents grow old because of children? Parents don't get old without children?

What else is said that "if you want to give your parents a good life, you must study hard", is this not using the child's guilt to emotionally kidnap?

Fortunately, this so-called successful "gratitude education", netizens did not buy it. In the comment area of the video, everyone expressed their disgust.

Even the central media couldn't stand it, and issued an article angrily criticizing: "Why do you always make children feel sorry for their parents?" ”

We are not saying that children should not learn to be grateful, but this kind of education method of deliberately asking children for rewards through selling misery is not only the kidnapping of children, but also the blasphemy and dwarfing of parental love.

Unfortunately, in real life, this kind of moral kidnapping gratitude education is really quite a lot.

Not long ago, someone turned up a collective kneeling activity at Qinyang No. 1 Middle School in Henan Province a few years ago.

During the event, more than 2,000 students dressed in school uniforms and lined up to face their parents.

Then, a teacher gave an impassioned speech:

"Parents are the essence of man";

"Thank you deeply for giving me life";

"Your parents gave birth to you and raised you, and they turned white for you";

After the teacher finished speaking, the children knelt down in unison and kowtowed three heads to their parents.

Some netizens questioned that this formalistic gratitude education is too much, is it filial piety if you kowtow, and filial piety if you don't kowtow?

Unexpectedly, Qinyang No. 1 Middle School openly said in the comment area of the public account: "Is there something wrong with you?" We are grateful education! ”

There are even more outrageous.

In an activity organized by a primary school to organize "gratitude education", the teacher conducted "soul torture" to the children in the audience:

"You grew so big, what did you do to be sorry for your parents?"

"Will you still fight with them in the future?"

"Will you still play games and watch TV?"

"Parents are strict with you, are they good for you?"

Where have these children, who are not yet 10 years old, seen such a battle, and everyone cried under the background of music and atmosphere.

In fact, as long as people who have experience, they all cherish this routine of "gratitude education":

First of all, to have a miserable life, sacrificing all the moms for their children:

"Mom gave up all her hobbies for you!"

"Mom hasn't bought new clothes for you in years!"

"How many wrinkles and gray hair has mom had for you? At home all day long, making cattle and horses! ”

"There is only one country in the world where the mother is great, that is, the mother of our Chinese children..."

By telling this sensational story, children will be reminded of the bits and pieces of their mother's efforts. Even if their mother is not so miserable, children will inevitably feel guilty, as if their mother's misery is brought by themselves.

When telling tragic stories, teachers will also play a song "Mother in Candlelight" to set the atmosphere. Moreover, the teacher's voice is subdued and frustrated, and the rendering is extremely powerful. It's easy for a child to burst into tears in that atmosphere, but he doesn't really know what he's crying about.

Then, the teacher will let the child express gratitude to his parents with practical actions, such as kowtowing, washing feet, kneeling...

In that environment, even if a child is reluctant in his heart, he can only do it, as if he does not do it is a heinous filial piety. Even if you don't cry, you can be considered cold-blooded and ruthless.

Finally, parents and children completed their spiritual baptism in hugging and crying.

For two hours, the children were first charged with "mutilating their mothers" and then found redemption in washing their feet and kowtowing. But this salvation comes and goes quickly, the child is "grateful" for two hours, and after only one day of going home, he leaves everything behind, and he should talk back, rebel and rebel.

Seeing this, Mi Li's mother couldn't help but ask, since these gratitude education is so distorted, why are there so many parents who buy it and are willing to bring their children to participate?

The reason is simple, because "guilt education" really works.

These so-called "gratitude education", the reason why parents are portrayed as very sad, is nothing more than to trigger children's feelings of guilt, always remind children to owe their parents, and then use guilt to emotionally kidnap children.

"You have to be obedient to be filial."

"You don't study well, how can you be worthy of your parents?"

"Parents pay so much for you, even if they lose their temper with you and do something excessive, what is it?"

As Wang Chen, a professor of education at Beijing Normal University, said: "Guilt education is essentially an emotional domination. Parents use the emotional connection with their children to make their children obey themselves. ”

But what parents don't know is that guilt-style education can also deeply harm children's physical and mental health, causing children to fall into the vicious circle of "self-punishment".

Many studies have shown that although guilt education can make children obedient to a certain extent, it will bring great psychological burden to children. Once children do not meet their parents' expectations, they will be pessimistic, disappointed, and even use some extreme means to "punish themselves".

In addition, children under guilt education are also more likely to form a flattering personality.

Children under the influence of guilt education have a hard time growing up on their own. They dare not have their own ideas and opinions, and will only cater and please their parents. They can't get a sense of accomplishment in things, and the mindset of their parents is what they care about most.

In other words, children who grow up under this type of education will always ignore their own feelings and blindly grievance themselves to please others.

When you are young, parents are unhappy, and children will feel that they are not sensible. When they grow up, friends and partners have a little mood swing, and they will blame themselves again.

When "guilt" becomes the background of life, how can children be truly happy.

In fact, many parents like to use this kind of gratitude education to kidnap their children, in the final analysis, they want to be "lazy".

They expect to use "gratitude" to solve various problems on the way of children's growth, such as not loving learning, rebellion, early love, and so on. They feel that as long as the child learns to be grateful, they will naturally become obedient, and then all the problems in the child are solved.

But in fact, this way of solving problems is fundamentally a cure for the symptoms but not the root cause.

Children do not like to learn, we have to find out the reason why he is tired of learning, whether the foundation is too poor to keep up, or the method is not right.

When a child rebels, we have to listen to his inner voice and understand the reasons for his rebellion.

Children fall in love early, we have to guide them to know what true love is, teach them how to get along with the opposite sex.

Education is a very complicated matter, and it is simply impossible to expect to use "gratitude education" to solve all problems simply and crudely.

So, what does true gratitude education really look like?

In fact, a good gratitude education does not need to cry, nor does it need to kneel and wash our feet, it is hidden in every bit of our lives.

If we can be filial to our parents and grateful to our parents, our children will naturally learn from each other.

If we can be willing to "use" the child and let the child experience the hardships of life from an early age, he can naturally experience the difficulties of the elders.

If we can use the holiday to guide children to express love and gratitude, such as sending a text message to the teacher on Teacher's Day, and taking the child to make a greeting card on the elder's birthday, then the child will gradually be grateful to others.

In fact, life is full of gratitude education materials, as Wang Fu said: "Life needs a grateful heart to create, and a grateful heart needs life to nourish."

Only when children are exposed to it from an early age can the word "gratitude" be internalized in their personality.

Finally, Mother Mi wants to say that the purpose of gratitude education is not to cultivate a completely obedient child.

Deformed gratitude education can only make children feel no love and happiness at all when they think of their parents, but only guilt and repayment.

A healthy gratitude education can enable children to be nourished by love and have a happy and fulfilling life.

May every child grow up in an environment full of love and gratitude. May all parents be treated gently by their children.

Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.