The dividends of chicken dolls can only be eaten for a few years at most, and the hidden dangers of chicken dolls are enough to ruin a child's life.
Author | summer
My son will enter elementary school in September this year, but I have the feeling that my son is about to take the college entrance examination.
When picking up their sons from school, the mothers gathered at the door asked each other:
"Has your child learned to write?" Where to practice the words?
Have you finished learning pinyin?
Is addition and subtraction within 20 learning?
Where are the English classes reported? Are there any foreign teachers? ”
I listened to my mothers' chats with my ears up, and I felt a pang of panic.
Some of their children have completed the first grade of primary school.
Some children attend 7 tutoring classes a weekend: literacy, eloquence, thinking, English, piano, programming, and art.
Some children are forced by their mothers to take 2-hour online classes after coming home from school.
The most terrible thing is that everyone chases me and you chase me, and the reason for desperately trying to chicken babies is surprisingly consistent:
Everyone else is learning, we don't learn, what if we can't keep up when the time comes?
The anxious state of mind of moms reminds me of the famous theater effect:
"In the cinema, everyone is sitting and watching movies.
Suddenly, a person stood up, directly blocking the sight of the surrounding audience, resulting in the audience behind having no way but to stand up, and more and more people slowly stood up. ”
The same goes for educational involution.
In order not to let their children fall behind, mothers have to follow the trend and let their children "learn ahead", "overlearn", and "learn more than they do".
But is blind, crazy involution really good for children?
Liu Qing, a professor at Peking University, once said in an interview: "Involution comes at a price. ”
And that's exactly what happened.
A Shanghai mother once said this:
Her neighbor is a "fierce" mother.
When her daughter first entered kindergarten, she began teaching her the content of the first grade of primary school.
When she first entered elementary school, her daughter's grades were indeed excellent.
However, in the third grade, her daughter's grades began to decline, and she seized all available time to make up for her daughter's lessons.
However, her daughter's results did not improve at all.
One day, she reprimanded her daughter in the elevator: "Why are you so uncompetitive." ”
The daughter said to her with teary eyes:
"Mom, please, don't force me, my brain can't move, I don't want to study."
But she completely ignored her daughter's pain and continued to blame her daughter non-stop.
Then one night, the neighbor's daughter burned all her books in her room, and almost caused a fire.
It's really worth the loss to think about.
Ahead of time, let the child win for a while, but ruin the child's lifelong learning ability.
Not only that, Yu Honghua, attending physician of the Department of Clinical Psychology of Beijing Huilongguan Hospital, said:
"Children who learn too much knowledge too early are part of the premature development of cognitive functions in the frontal cortex of the brain, which can lead to weaker emotional stability.
When they enter junior high school and high school, as the intensity of learning increases, when there is study pressure, they will not be able to withstand the pressure and have emotional problems such as anxiety and depression. ”
A 10-year-old boy in Hangzhou has been living under pressure from his parents.
As long as the exam is not the first place, not a perfect score, the parents will sternly reproach him:
"Why not number one?"
Then, even more frantically forced him to study, forced him to make up classes.
As a result, he was forced by his parents to become hysterical, and when he heard everything related to his studies, he would have a nervous breakdown, and sometimes he would even convulsion and collapse to the ground.
Zhang Yide, an all-round student, completed the primary school curriculum under the guidance of his father at the age of 3, was able to write in English at the age of 5, and frequently won awards in competitions in high school.
But such a shining child committed suicide after being admitted to the top school in the United States.
The "China National Mental Health Development Report" even shows:
"About 17.5% of school students aged 6-12 have a mental disorder.
Depressed patients under the age of 18 accounted for 30.28% of the total, more than 28 million. ”
All kinds of tragic costs remind us:
Blind snatching and involution are quietly ruining our children.
It will take away the child's interest in learning, hurt the child's motivation to learn, and cast a heavy shadow on the child's psychology, and get farther and farther away from success.
Many netizens said:
Taiwanese painter Tsai Zhizhong is a very irresponsible father.
But I think he's a very sober dad.
On his daughter's first day of elementary school, he took her to the classroom and asked her, "Do you know how to go back?" ”
After getting his daughter's affirmative answer, he really let her go back alone.
His daughter couldn't get up in the morning, so he called several times and let her sleep late.
When her daughter was 12, she wanted to get her nursing license in order to earn more pocket money.
Instead of criticizing his daughter for "wasting time and affecting her studies", nor did he stop her daughter, he advised her daughter:
Do you want to draw to make money?
With a zero score in his daughter's math test, he invited her to eat steak and praised her by saying:
"Wow, zero on the test, that's amazing.
It's like walking through a kilometer of minefields without hitting a single one. ”
He never restricted his daughter's study, nor forced her to attend cram schools and interest classes, nor compared his daughter with other children, he always respected, supported and encouraged his daughter.
Many people say that he "does not teach his daughter".
But to everyone's surprise, Cai Zhizhong's "no education" not only did not raise his daughter, but made her exceptionally good.
At the age of 12, Cai's daughter was able to fly alone from Canada to Japan.
At the age of 17, she went to the United States alone for an interview and passed 4 well-known universities.
After going to university, she spent another 5 years attending two schools and earning a double degree.
It can be said that:
Cai Zhizhong used a non-competitive education to raise a competitive child.
He used his own letting go to make his daughter independent and courageous.
With her own tolerance and patience, her daughter has the opportunity to explore her life and the possibility of a late bloomer.
As writer Chen Danqing said:
"The ultimate goal of education is to induce people's creative power and awaken the sense of life and value.
Once children receive more trust and expectations, their inner motivation will be stimulated, they will be smarter, more capable, and more savvy. ”
Therefore, really powerful parents must have "anti-involution" characteristics.
Ripe fruit is not sweet.
Children who are big chickens may not be able to win to the end.
Instead of "pulling out seedlings and helping to grow" and "putting the cart before the horse", it is better to calm down and accompany the growth of children with a longer-term vision.
The educator Rousseau once said:
"Misuse of time is more costly than waste.
Children who are miseducated are further away from wisdom than children who are not taught. ”
The more severe the involvement, the more we have to stay awake.
Only by being soberly aware of the following three points can we avoid our children becoming victims of "involution".
1. Instead of pushing your child to excel, find your child's nearest developmental zone
Tian Yulan and Nanli in the hit drama "Xiaoshede" both took a crazy chicken road, but they also failed miserably.
Tian Yulan constantly put pressure on her son, forced his son to be excellent, stifled his son's interest, squeezed his son's rest time, and finally forced his son to become depressed.
Nanli was forced to get involved in the "strange circle of inner roll", and began to force her daughter to learn the Olympiad that she could not understand, forcing her daughter to brush up on the questions, which eventually led her daughter to run away from home, and the parent-child relationship was getting worse and worse.
The educator Vygotsky once pointed out in the theory of "recent development zones":
When setting goals for your child, two factors must be taken into account:
the child's existing level;
The child's potential level of development.
Too high expectations, too much pressure, is likely to overwhelm our children.
Only by letting go of our "comparison mentality", being more patient with children, understanding more, and setting some goals for children that they can get on tiptoe, can we maximize the mobilization of children's internal drive and help children improve step by step smoothly and rhythmically.
2. Instead of forcing children to be self-disciplined, it is better to cultivate children's self-discipline
A father in Ningbo made a summer study schedule for his son, which was deeply suffocating.
From 7 a.m. to 10 p.m., there are a variety of study tasks in addition to eating and short breaks.
The son walked mechanically like a clockwork, without a little time of his own.
Remember that the American psychologist Lick Erikson once said:
"Children need to develop a sense of autonomy, and if they do not develop well, they will deny themselves and thus generate self-doubt."
In other words:
Self-discipline that is forcibly restrained and controlled is pressure, not true self-discipline.
If you want your child to learn true self-discipline, you must give your child more autonomy and let them learn to control themselves in their trade-offs and experiments.
On Zhihu, a father shared his parenting experience:
When his son first learned to write, he always took his son's hand and taught him to write.
However, his son's progress was slow and his frustration was serious.
After that, he chose to only encourage and not help, and let the children try to write and practice on their own.
He found that his son's enthusiasm for writing has increased a lot, and he has also made great progress.
So you see, only if the child actively wants to do something, the child can become more and more motivated and more self-disciplined.
3. Let the child play, go crazy, go sports.
Some time ago, Ning Boyu from the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China was selected for Huawei's "Genius Program", which attracted a lot of attention.
Different from the top students in everyone's imagination:
Ning Boyu's world is not only about reading, he has always loved to play and love sports since he was a child, especially street dance, high jumping, swimming, etc.
He loved to play yo-yo in elementary school and won the Chengdu Yo-Yo TV Championship.
The high jump in middle school broke the 24-year high jump record of Chengdu No. 4 Middle School.
In college, he won the street dance championship, high jump championship, and breaststroke championship.
In addition, he is also a B-site UP master who is good at a variety of content.
As Professor Hong Lan, Ph.D. in Brain Science, said:
"There are three magic weapons to activate children's brain development: movement, reading and play."
The secret of Ning Boyu's success is inseparable from the love of fun, madness, and sports.
It is these seemingly "unprofessional" things that help him relieve stress, activate his brain, and allow him to continue to improve in a relaxed virtuous circle.
Stuart Brown interviewed 6,000 people over 41 years and found out after their childhood:
"People who cannot play freely in childhood, who do not develop social skills, the ability to cope with stress, and cognitive skills to solve problems, may be unhappy in adulthood, have difficulty adapting to new environments, and are prone to extreme things."
Play and sports are also an important way for children to learn.
Those childhood that were compressed and did not have time to stretch wantonly have long been secretly marked by fate.
To really think about the child, we must return the child a happy childhood.
Let children play, go crazy, and exercise, so that children can grow up better and better in an unpredictable environment.
Life is a marathon, and the fight is not about the explosiveness of children, but about children's endurance and endurance.
The more we want our children to win, the more we have to overcome anxiety and maintain a stable state of mind.
Only when parents can stabilize their hearts can children stabilize their lives.
May we all stay awake under the big wave of involution, take a long-term view, and raise a truly independent child with a full heart.