In recent years, the word "rich nourishment" has frequently entered our lives, and many parents understand rich nourishment as material prosperity, so that anxiety has appeared in the process of excessive pursuit of "rich nourishment". And this is precisely because of falling into three common cognitive misunderstandings: excessive pursuit of the world, "sterile" baby-raising, and superstitious knowledge.
This article is reproduced from the public number: Didu Xiaowu Ma (ID: pku5mama)
Wen 丨 Little Five Mama Editor丨 May
Sometimes I really feel that in this society, middle-class parents may be the most "uncomfortable" group of people: they have seen what is at the top, what is a good education, and they can't fully reach it. Once you have a child, you want to do your best to give him/her the best, for fear that the child will fall.
I have heard this view from many parents with daughters:
We must "rich" the child, buy beautiful clothes for the child, buy beautiful toys, take her to high-end restaurants, learn a lot of talents, and take her to tour the world. Children raised in this way will have vision and pattern, so that they will not be easily abducted by a bad boy because of a piece of jewelry or a brand-name bag.
In fact, through these years of observation, I found that perhaps middle-class parents are more or less obsessed with the matter of "rich and nourishing", or misunderstandings of cognition.
Briefly share my thoughts, I hope that after reading it, you can reduce some of the anxiety of raising a baby.
Myth 1: Too much pursuit of "freshness" in the world
Some parents feel that they must let their children see more of the world, thinking that their children see more new things, so that they will not be easily tempted.
It is not enough to take children to playgrounds and museums in front of the house, spend a little more money and take your children to travel around the country;
After traveling the country, I felt that it was still not enough, and then I took it to Europe and the Americas;
It's not enough to just travel and watch the flowers, and then grit your teeth and let your children participate in summer camps abroad;
It still feels that it is not enough, and then continue to spend money, go to Antarctica to see glaciers, go to Africa to break into the rainforest...
On the surface, the child's life is wonderful, but if you simply let these new things stimulate the child's senses, such activities are a bottomless pit for the child, no matter how much "the world" is seen, the spirit is still empty.
You think that the child is accustomed to the prosperity of the world and will not be deceived by the jewelry and bags of the playboy, but when the child is accustomed to the pursuit of the fresh excitement of life, she is more likely to be abducted by a tent, a dog and a broken guitar of a penniless street prodigal son!
A digression: Speaking of which, I am reminded of a novel by Qiong Yao: a rich lady who has been pampered since childhood, abandoning everything to marry a poor painter, in her eyes, his poverty, his alcoholism, and even his violence against her are the embodiment of talent and style. The end is tragic, the once sparkling girl, ravaged by the failed marriage, has become a woman whose life is withered. This novel is called "The Whip of Life", and it may be the only one of Qiong Yao's "ruined three views" that does not praise the supremacy of love.
I think that we need to educate our children not to get fresh excitement from the "unseen world", but to have a heart that can perceive and appreciate the "ordinary world".
When we look at the classic ancient poems, how many of them are because of fresh and exciting sentences? Isn't it all from the poet's sensitive heart for the things around him?
They feel the reincarnation of the four seasons from "helpless flowers fall, déjà vu Yan returns", and feel the joy of heaven from "the old wife draws paper for the chess game, and the childish knocks needles as a fishing hook". Can our children feel the happiness of life from the daily life around them?
To let your child experience winter, do you have to take her skiing in the Alps? When she doesn't go anywhere, just walking on the streets of the small town, seeing the uncle with sugar-fried chestnuts and roasted sweet potatoes, seeing the dead yellow fallen leaves, smelling the rust of radiators in the old corridors, she feels winter, that is to always maintain the freshness of life!
Myth 2: Too much pursuit of a "sterile" growth environment
Some parents are too deliberate to create a good family environment for their children.
Husband and wife have contradictions and steal quarrels;
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have contradictions and say behind their backs;
It's not going well, you can't earn money, and you don't let your children know.
Not only do children not be exposed to any negative emotions in reality, but even the books that children read are strictly controlled, but whenever children find a little strange power in their books, they can't wait to call the Education Commission to report.
Even if you read a famous book, you must have questions: can children read these violent contents in the Water Margin? Will the description of love in the dream of the Red Mansion lead to early love for children?
In short, in the child's world, there is always a gentle wind and rain, the emotions are too single, the family is always harmonious, the teacher is always loved, and everything you want can always be obtained, and she has been a carefree princess since childhood.
Children who grow up in such a "sterile" environment can easily become "silly white sweets" who lack the ability to empathize, because every time the child does not wait for negative emotions, it is extinguished by parents in time.
My advice: don't deliberately create a carefree princess world for your children.
If you want to be a princess, the child will choose it when he grows up.
When a child says that he wants to be a princess when he is in his teens and twenties, it does not necessarily mean that he really wants to be a princess, nor does he necessarily want to be a princess for life. And if you still want to be a princess at the age of forty or fifty, then you really want to be a princess.
A princess in her teens and twenties, not worthy of envy; A princess of forty or fifty years old is worthy of envy.
Usually, the necessary quarrels at home do not have to be hidden from the children (as long as they are not invalid quarrels that cause emotional internal friction for those trivial things). If the family encounters difficulties, there is no need to hide it from the children.
Parents' worries can be told to their children, parents can tell their children about the recent financial market instability and falling stock prices, parents can talk to their children about the decrease in customer flow and declining profits if they open small stores, and parents who are farmers can tell their children about this year's valley and farmers...
If real life is smooth sailing, let children read more classic literary works and see thousands of lives from "Camel Xiangzi", "Alive" and "Ordinary World". The most noble princess is not loaded with crystal shoes in her heart, but in the world.
Myth 3: Worship knowledge too much to the point of superstition
Many middle-class parents have graduated from prestigious schools and have personally verified that knowledge changes destiny.
It may be precisely because of this that it has led to the tip of superstitious knowledge.
Reflected in the raising of children, that is, too "according to the book", I can't wait to let children be like college students from an early age, every day emphasizes love, patience, tolerance, self-discipline, moderation, humility...
As a result, we raise a gentleman prematurely, but let the child lose the basic ability to be angry, resistant, and adaptable.
I also used to have this tendency when I was five years old.
The child wanted to eat the oranges that had just been taken out of the refrigerator, but I was afraid of the cold and would not allow me to eat them, and the child cried pitifully. I thought I had read a lot of parenting books, knew the lofty terms of "bad two-year-old" and "delayed gratification training", and insisted on not satisfying her.
And Little Five's grandmother couldn't see it, so she disciplined me and said, "Grandma gave Little Five oranges!" ”
Then, Grandma pretended to peel off a small piece of skin with great difficulty, and asked Little Five to throw it into the kitchen garbage can, and Little Five did so. After returning, my grandmother took a long time to peel off a small piece of skin and walk the baby again.
After more than a dozen laps like this, the orange was basically warmed in his hand, which not only exercised the baby's body, but also did delayed gratification training, and did not make the baby cry.
You see, knowledge is indeed good, but educating children is not like doing a problem, a standardized answer can solve the problem. It is also not like doing chemical experiments, according to the standard process, adding a specified amount of substances to get the desired reaction.
Children are flexible beings who need to perceive and communicate with human nature, intuition, and experience, rather than relying solely on knowledge.
We parents sometimes have to reconcile with our own intuition and experience, and not compete too much with "educational theory".
For example, when we want to educate our children strictly, we should not be too superstitious about "positive discipline". Don't feel that if you don't use love to touch the child, the child will leave a psychological shadow.
Think back to when we were kids, when we wanted to ask our mother for something, how did our mother refuse?
- Mom, I want XX!
- I see you like XX!
Isn't it dry and crisp and solved? We didn't leave any psychological shadows!
What anxieties do you have in raising a baby, you may wish to leave a message to discuss!
This article is the original of [Imperial Capital Little Five Mother]. The author of this article, Xiao Wuma, learned from Hengshui to the Chinese Department of Peking University, shared my growth, recorded the daily life of raising a baby, and made myself and the next generation better and better.
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