Good evening, here is an unnamed friend.
To share the good news with you, I have a relationship with Crush. The bad news is that being in love with him doesn't seem as happy as I thought.
I still remember the crazy heartbeat at the first acquaintance with him, when I even felt that I was not worthy of him at all, and I accidentally learned that he also had a good impression of me, and felt that I was as good as winning the lottery.
It's hard to forget how excited and happy I was on the night we expressed our hearts and confirmed our relationship, holding my phone and talking to him until two o'clock in the morning. The first reaction when waking up the next day was to repeatedly confirm whether it was a dream or something that really happened.
I hadn't been in love for more than two years, and I was carried away by the excitement for a while, and for the next few days, my whole person seemed to be wrapped in fluttering pink foam.
More than a month passed, and when the pink bubble completely dissipated, I gradually felt that the relationship seemed boring.
If all heartbeats are caused by events, then the fading of all enthusiasm also makes sense. After thinking about it carefully, there were three things that made my heart "click" during this period.
The first thing was to play a game with him, because the air pressure became very low after losing a few rounds, and he didn't talk much. Games are a pastime for me, and it doesn't matter if I can play with people I like, and winning or losing. In order to liven up the atmosphere, I tried to chat with him in a relaxed tone, not wanting to make everyone unhappy because of playing a game.
He didn't talk much at first, and I said a few words in a row before he responded, and his tone was obviously emotional. Although he explained and made up for it afterwards, I was still a little unhappy at that moment and already had a new perspective on his ability to control emotions.
The other thing is that he consciously or unconsciously tempted me with words like "I want to sleep with my arms around you" less than a week after the relationship was established.
I'm not averse to sexual relationships, and in my opinion, it's a wonderful thing to be close to someone I like, and I'm looking forward to it. It's just that the other party's attitude of being too impatient, or even wanting to take off my pants as soon as the relationship falls, will make me instinctively step back, who understands.
The last point is what I mind the most, that is, after contact, I found that he is the kind of person who is not very assertive, such as he basically does not do any strategy for our meetings and dates, and always asks me to plan and arrange.
Although he would often say that he missed me and wanted to see me, he would only ask me if I had any opinions before the meeting, and it was natural for me to make plans and arrangements for the day, from what to do and what to eat. Every time I ask him what he thinks, he always says "listen to you."
To put it nicely is to respect my ideas, I have the final say, but in fact he doesn't seem to pay attention to our dating at all, too lazy to plan and decide, and doesn't want to care.
Without any opinions and ideas, even as a friend for a long time, I feel tired, let alone a boyfriend, and after a few such times, I have lost more and more interest in meeting him.
Of course, having said all this, I feel like I am looking down, and there are also parts of him that appeal to me.
For example, his appearance, his unique vitality, the stress and joy of talking to him, and the emotional value he brings me. I have to admit, these are all things that I was fascinated by for a while.
Just removing the filter of crush, I realized that I was just falling in love with my own imagination. After "clucking" a few times, I looked through past chats and found that there was indeed an interesting part to him, but I picked up a lot of the candy myself.
As the relationship became familiar, our recent chats became more and more monotonous, and I gradually developed a feeling of "oh, so this person is just that".
Everyone says that the push and pull stage is the most moving, and once together, it will become boring, and it really makes sense. Although it sounds a little irresponsible, it can only be said that many times, we artificially add a filter to a relationship.
Friends say my problem is that I like imaginary people, not specific people. The process of in-depth understanding is also a process of gradually falling down. Once you get close and find the shortcomings, it will feel boring.
In any case, I will adjust my heartbeat and rethink our relationship. Whether it is crushing or really entering an intimate relationship, the premise must be that you are happy.
Illustration / Network
Head diagram / Aren