The child has these signs that his psychology is breaking down

Wen 丨 Fish Daddy

1

Do you have any friends like this around you?

When you have been wronged, you may be so angry that you want to scold people, but they seem to have nothing to do.

It feels like the temper is too good to be good.

Are these good-tempered people really not have tempers?

We also often encounter children who dare not cry in front of their parents and always live carefully.

He is often praised for being obedient, obedient, and good-tempered.

It is indeed a good thing to have a child with a good personality.

But there are also many children who show behavior that is not what they really want in their hearts.

If the child has such a "good temper", parents should be careful.

Once I looked at a case of psychological counseling.

A boy who had just graduated from college felt as if he was depressed and found a counselor.

He said that every time he cried, he felt very bad.

Because in his impression, crying is a very bad thing, and parents are not allowed to cry.

As soon as he cried, Dad would stare at him fiercely and say, "Don't cry!" Stop now, or I'll hit you! ”

In order to avoid further angering my father, I could only wipe away my tears and stop.

Although the mother will not be so angry, but afraid of the father's tantrum, she will also quickly pull away from her son while persuading her not to cry.

Every time I heard my father muttering, "What's the use of crying, I really don't know who it is like." ”

In order to make my parents more satisfied with themselves, perhaps because I was afraid of my father, I didn't dare to cry every time I was angry.

I really can't help but hide alone and quietly tear off the toys, or I have been depressed and unhappy for several days.

Later, after attending middle school, the number of times I went home was small, so I tried not to go home.

But inwardly, I want to be close to my parents.

When I got to college, I thought I would be better, and I finally didn't want to look at my parents' faces.

However, I found that I was particularly concerned about the eyes of my classmates.

I was always afraid that I was not welcome, and even went out of my way to please my roommate.

But the final result is that there is no friend to make, and I feel that I have failed to live.

Slowly, I went alone and didn't want to associate with people.

2

If the child is careful to hide his emotions in front of you, it must be taken seriously.

In a healthy family environment, children should be able to express their joys and sorrows easily.

Be able to speak freely with parents, freely express their thoughts, and share their own insights.

If the child shuts up and hides the emotions.

Then they are prone to "self-attack".

If a person's emotions cannot be self-identified and cannot be released, they will deny themselves.

Psychology points out that if a child has a tendency to depression, it often stems from the fact that the child's emotions cannot be transmitted outward, and can only attack themselves.

Why can't children express themselves outwardly?

Because I was afraid, because I couldn't get a response, I couldn't even find the object of expression, and I didn't know who to talk to.

Too many of our children are happy and not worried, and they dare not express their negative emotions to their parents.

I would talk to Little Fish during my walks and talk to him a little bit about school life so that I could get to know him better and help him.

Once he said that there were students in the class answering questions in the open class, and the teacher praised them, but other students quietly said that the students who answered the questions were too publicity, and there was something remarkable.

I said to him, "Actually, you are all making a little fuss now, and you don't understand things yet." When you come to middle school, you will find that some classmates will be excluded and bullied by some children who do not like to read because of their good grades and good performance. ”

"Then if I don't study when I get to middle school, my grades won't be good." I didn't expect him to say this to me, which surprised me a little.

"Can't you give up your dreams because of the eyes of others? Don't want to go to a good high school and a good college? I said.

"I know you're afraid of this, but there's nothing to be afraid of."

"In fact, even if you encounter such a thing in the future, you can tell me that your father will help you find a way, even if your father can't do it, you can find a way." I added.

Hearing me say this, he nodded, took my hand, and felt full of security.

In fact, listening to some children sometimes sounds a little childish, but we can hear their thoughts and feel their emotions.

Only by truly entering the child's heart can we better guide the child.

If you hear a child say that he will not study seriously in middle school in the future.

He hurried to teach him a lesson, rebuked him, and warned him to study hard.

If you do this, maybe the child will not talk to you again.

Because the result they get is blame, not understanding.

Instead of getting a sense of security and coping, it was a sermon.

Therefore, I usually talk to my children more often.

Let them speak their hearts and express their true emotions.

And we should be understanding and tolerant.

3

Of course, we can't let our children lose their temper and leave them alone.

Instead, children should be guided to express their emotions and manage their emotions.

If there is an emotional problem, we can calm down first.

Try to communicate with your child in the following three sentences.

1. I understand how you feel, you're angry right now, let's calm down and talk about it.

If we talk to our children for a long time, they just don't listen and even throw a tantrum at you angrily.

It's easy to irritate your parents, and if you lose your temper at this time, things will only get worse.

In the midst of anger, it is easy to export hurt people.

If you can calm down for a while and then communicate, the effect will be better.

Therefore, parents can take the initiative to tell their children that when I can understand your feelings, the children will often put down the confrontation and be willing to listen to you.

Then look for an opportunity to talk.

2. You are very angry, you can lose your temper, but you can't hurt people, and you have to be measured in doing things and talking.

When your child is angry, tell your child that if you are angry, vent it.

If you're sad, cry, it's all right.

You can also make a few clicks toward the pillow or stomp your feet.

Because when the child's emotions are released, they will become relaxed and recovered.

But also tell the child not to hurt people, to be measured.

Sometimes children punch and kick adults when they are angry, and such a situation must be guided early.

If someone in the family is used to having a child like this, it will only hurt him.

Hitting people because of anger has become a habit, that goes out of the house, goes outside or school, and the child is easy to start because of the dispute.

There was a boy in the class where my friend taught, who often fought with his classmates because of arguments, and every time he roared, lost his temper, and scratched his classmate's face several times.

When communicating with both parents, she will find that the boy's mother is difficult to communicate, she always feels that her child has been beaten, bullied by other children, and does not need to apologize.

And the emotions were so agitated that it was almost impossible to continue communicating.

The root cause of the problem in this child is in the mother.

Because she did not tell the child how to communicate with her classmates when she encountered an argument, instead of losing her temper and fighting.

3. You tell me what you think, I'm willing to listen, even if I don't agree.

Children often feel that their parents can't hear their own words and don't respect their own opinions, so they simply do everything.

If you tell him, I'm willing to listen, and when you talk about it, they'll be happy to communicate with their parents.

Especially when the child is young, if you can get the respect of your parents, there is such a communication method between parents and children.

When the child grows up, he will also be willing to take the initiative to communicate with his parents.

4

There is a child living in each of us.

Every child is different, some are very happy, very secure.

Some, on the other hand, have been worried, anxious with fear.

This is all directly related to childhood experiences.

Psychology also has a term called inner child, if the child is young, the mind is not satisfied and comforted, the inner will form a hidden sensitive, fragile space, just like a child who has not grown up.

Many people say that at that time, the living conditions were difficult, why were the children mentally healthy, but now the material living conditions are so good, but there are more and more psychological problems?

Because of the harsh living environment, it will only suffer a little in life, and it will not cause the child's inner depression tendency.

The misalignment of love and inner repression can easily make children's psychological collapse.