The child's personality, is it with the father or the mother? Finally there is an answer

As the old Chinese saying goes, dragons give birth to dragons, phoenixes give birth to phoenixes, and rats give birth to holes. There is also a proverb in foreign countries that the apple falls on the ground, not far from the tree. Whether Chinese or foreign, the meaning is very clear, children are like parents, genetic power is great.

Because of this, one of the most tireless games for parents is to find the mark of "this must be with me" and "that must have inherited you" in the baby.

This kid is outgoing, like a mom.

Old love to sleep lazily, like Dad.

Do things like mom.

Loves to eat sweet and spicy, like Dad.

……

In the process of growing up, parents will have surprises and new discoveries from time to time. However, how many of these findings are really from genetic inheritance, and how many are from the counter-sign entry of brain supplements?

Three years old to see the big

The child is not a "blank piece of paper"

If you feel that the child inherits the character of you and your lover, it may come from both of you, not from a single one.

Leading Professor of Genetics Robert M. Robert Plomin once said, "DNA is certainly not the whole factor, but it is more important than all the other factors combined."

This sentence is a bit exaggerated, but there is also some basis. The consensus of the research community now is that the differences in all aspects of children are greatly affected by genes. It is said that "three years old looks big", in fact, it is the "natural temperament" that comes with genes.

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Back in 1976, behavioral geneticists came to a surprising conclusion from a study of 850 pairs of twins—that almost all personality traits are moderately inherited.

In other words, in personality or personality, genes may bring about a 30% to 60% difference.

So you feel like your child has inherited your character – and you're probably right. In fact, almost all of the personality traits that have been studied now have a certain degree of heredity, and it has not yet been found which personality is "devoid of genetic factors, all shaped by the day after tomorrow".

Children are by no means a blank slate, they inherit many innate temperaments and tendencies from their parents. Personality is not determined by a single gene, but the roles of many genes are superimposed. We may never find a single "extrovert gene", because it is many genes that work together to form an "extroverted" personality.

Genes make about half of the differences. The rest of the difference is caused by the environment.

And even the "environment" is affected by "genes". Genes will look for a suitable environment for themselves, and even actively modify the surrounding environment.

For example, some children have the gene to "grow tall" – tall parents usually give birth to tall children, such as Yao Ming's daughter, who is more than 1.7 meters tall at the age of 11.

Children like this will be noticed by the school's physical education teacher early on, and when they are in elementary school, they will receive an invitation to join the basketball team/ volleyball team / swimming team. Then, the "tall gene" will be like a fish, into an environment suitable for it to play.

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As another example, some children have the gene for "difficulty reading", while others have the gene for "easy reading".

For "dyslexia" people, it is particularly painful to understand abstract symbols, they will be serial when they look at it, and they will be distracted when they look at it. They are likely to perform poorly in school, but it's not an intellectual problem, and they're all likely doing well in industries where they don't need to read much.

For those who "read easily", they may feel the pleasure of reading when they are young, so they will ask parents and teachers for more books to read, the more they read, the more skilled they are, the more they read, the faster they read... Enter the virtuous circle of reading and also embark on the path of academic relatedness.

The older you get, the more pronounced the genetic effects become. Genes will disturb your choices again and again, pushing your life a little bit in the direction it is good at.

Don't force it against the gene, but find the "most suitable environment" for the gene.

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The innate "genes" are not good enough

What to do?

As a parent, everyone hopes that their children are both smart and clever, cheerful and happy, both social and orderly, energetic and focused...

Such a combination of genes may be possible, but it will never be widespread.

Therefore, in every real child, it is inevitable that some parents want to "correct" the characteristics.

For example, some children seem to be naturally introverted.

Studies have found that shy people, who exhibit so-called "behavioral inhibition" at less than 2 years of age, are more wary of and more avoidant of unfamiliar things. Some children, when they are a little older, begin to be reluctant to join the group because they are particularly concerned about what others think and are afraid of receiving negative reviews.

Whether it is avoidance from childhood or withdrawal when you grow up, it is actually related to "anxiety". And "anxiety" is very much related to heredity.

Even monkeys have "natural anxiety monkeys." Studies have found that the African black long-tailed monkey can be divided into "uptight" and "laid back". Flaccid monkeys are usually more active, grooming with other monkeys more often, and competing with and accessing resources.

Nervous monkeys, on the other hand, are usually more lonely, often cowering or curling up, and behaving extremely obediently. If put in a cage, the relaxed monkeys will calmly explore the environment, while the nervous monkeys will exhibit stereotypical behaviors, such as constantly going around in circles or shaking their heads.

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And introverted children, most likely have one or two introverted parents. Parents themselves are socially afraid, and rarely interact with strangers with their children, so children not only inherit the social fear genes of their parents, but also cannot imitate and learn from parents to socialize easily. Congenital is not enough, the day after tomorrow did not make up.

What to do? Do you want to push your child to socialize?

No, no, no. Again, don't force it against genes.

A child tracking study in Australia showed that if the adults around them give warm support and push such children to socialize too early, then children who are shy in childhood will actually have good social skills in adolescence and will no longer be anxious and depressed.

But if parents use a way that makes children feel self-blame and anxiety to promote their children to socialize, then the child's degree of withdrawal will become higher and higher.

One of the characteristics of introverted children is that when entering an unfamiliar environment, it takes a while to observe how other people do and say what they say, and after a while, they will have the confidence to join. Also, if an introverted child is supported by one or two friends, they will be much more comfortable in social situations.

It's much better for having your child take the time to observe and help your child find one or two of that key friend than pushing your child out to socialize.

A long-tracked study in New Zealand also showed that children with "behavioral inhibition" at the age of 3 were not particularly introverted by puberty, and were basically average.

In addition, there are some children who just prefer to be alone. He reads and plays games alone, neither afraid of strangers nor anxious about his unpopularity, and sometimes he does not notice whether he is isolated or not.

He is less interested in playing with others and is more interested in the world than in humans. The bigger the child, the better it gets – he is often good at school, rarely aggressive, and not argumentative, and these traits make him naturally exude social attraction.

Many first-class scholars, who were shy and socially unsociable in their infancy, were able to make academic reports in front of hundreds of people and thousands of people.

Social skills, or any other skill, can be improved by practicing a lot in a "safe, stressful, supportive environment."

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Some children are "dandelions"

Some are "orchids"

There is also an interesting discovery about the personality of the child.

Some children are like delicate orchids, growing particularly well in a good environment and having a particularly great negative impact in a harsh environment.

Some children are weed-like dandelions, "unmoved" by the environment, and the good environment will not improve much, and the bad environment will not become much worse.

"Orchid" is more sensitive to setbacks and is more aware of minor discomfort in her body. Small pains, noisy noises, rough clothes, will make it difficult for "orchids" to adapt. In the unfamiliar environment of the laboratory, the "orchid" beats faster, has higher blood pressure, and has more stress hormones in her saliva. "Orchids" are also more susceptible to respiratory diseases such as colds, coughs, and rhinitis.

And "dandelions" are the kind of children who can grow up in the face of adversity.

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A 2016 study showed that the lower the household income in poor households, the less self-control the "orchid" children have. But the self-control of "dandelion" children is not affected by family income.

If your child is an "orchid," don't be too anxious. Remember, one of the characteristics of "orchids" is that they can develop especially well in a good environment.

Another interesting thing is that the more "model parents" parents are, the greater the role of a child's innate genes.

Parents do a good job, providing unconditional support and rich opportunities for children to try, so that children can play their unique genetic potential and grow their own unique appearance.

For example, in extremely barren land, both peonies and plum blossoms can only grow similar emaciated seedlings; but in nutrient-rich fertile soils, peonies and plum blossoms can thrive and bloom very different but beautiful flowers.

Genes are the first gifts parents give to their children. The second gift a parent can give to his child is to support the child to be himself and maximize the unlimited potential of his genes.

While giving these two gifts, the parents were also rewarded.

In the smile of the child, the parent sees the eternity and the whole world.

bibliography

[1] Martin, R. P., Lease, A. M., & Slobodskaya, H. R. (2020). Temperament and children: Profiles of individual differences (1st ed.). Springer Nature.

[2] Knopik, V. S., Neiderhiser, J. M., Defries, J. C., & Plomin, R. (2017). Behavioral genetics. Worth Publishers, Macmillan Learning.

[3] Caspi, A., & Silva, P. A. (1995). Temperamental qualities at age three predict personality traits in young adulthood: Longitudinal evidence from a birth cohort. Child Development, 66, 486–498.

Vassalio, S., & Sanson, A. (2013). The Australian temperament project: The first 30 years. Australian Institute of Family Studies: Australian Government.

[4] Boyce, W. T. (2019). The orchid and the dandelion. New York: Knopf.

Boyce, W. T., et al. (1995). Psychobiologic reactivity to stress and childhood respiratory illnesses: Results of two prospective studies. Psychosomatic Medicine, 57, 411–422.

[5] Obradovic, J., Portilla, X. A., & Ballard, P. J. (2016). Biological sensitivity to family income: Differential effects on early executive functioning. Child Development, 87, 374–384.

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Master of Genetics

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Ph.D. in Biology, Chinese Academy of Science

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