People who are struggling in society deeply understand the sinister and complex nature of the human heart;
After suffering sin and frustration, I know the preciousness of my family;
Psychologists have pointed out that the deepest and heaviest harm a person suffers is often given by the family;
The home that seems to be warm and loving on the surface, but in fact makes people sad and depressed after closing the door, is the root cause of their constant pain.
People live a lifetime, no money can not do, but with money, does not mean that they will be happy;
The biggest misfortune of a family is often not that there is no money, let alone domestic violence, but that there are no these 3 things at home.
Families have no space to get along and like to control and interrupt
A few days ago, Fu Seoul, known as the "Dark Horse Duan Zi Hand", found that his son's circle of friends actually blocked himself!
This made her, who was originally very confident in the parent-child relationship, begin to "doubt life": is there anything unqualified as a mother?
Curious, she also posted about the communication process with her son, claiming that she asked her son why, and the reply was:
"I'm twelve years old and want to paraphrase me?" Can you respect the IQ of a teenager? ”
In this regard, many netizens resonated, saying that when the child grows up, he likes to talk to his good friends about what he has in mind, and will not share it with himself.
I believe that most people have the same feelings, they have some caution, small sorrows, even their own biological parents, do not want to tell.
The reason is that in the family, their feelings are not taken care of, and their thoughts are always interrupted and "monitored";
This feeling of being kidnapped is very depressing.
Therefore, children who do not want to expose everything under the eyes of their parents choose to shield their parents;
It's not that they don't love their parents, they just want a little space to breathe freely.
My college roommate once told me that when she began to use her mobile phone, her parents would pick up her mobile phone from time to time, turn it left and right, afraid that their daughter would have some new movements, which they did not know.
This kind of habitual control and surveillance makes people nervous and not relaxed.
In fact, in the process of children's growth, they are increasing their knowledge and learning to protect themselves little by little;
As long as there is no problem with the general direction, many things can be allowed to make their own decisions, rather than being blindly borne by their parents.
Because of the excessive anxiety and bondage of parents, children do not need it at all;
Even in severe cases, parental control can hinder the growth and development of children;
Excessive protection often leads to children's lack of understanding of people and things, and they are repeatedly frustrated after entering the society.
There is no real understanding and care between the family
In the book "Seeing", the host Chai Jing tells a social event that was once a sensation - "The Trauma of the Two Cities".
In twin cities, a small town with only 30,000 people in the west, several children in the same class committed suicide by taking poison one after another.
Except for Miao Miao, the first child who died of poisoning, the 4 children who were rescued were silent about the cause of suicide.
After in-depth investigation, it was learned that it was Miao Miao, who was both excellent in character and learning, because she was touched by a boy at a party, she was rumored and scolded by some classmates, and Miao Miao could not bear the humiliation of self-esteem and chose to take medicine to commit suicide;
As the "key chain" among her classmates, Miao Miao is deeply liked by boys and girls, so some people who once agreed to be good friends with her have also followed her example.
The book said that during the 9-day visit, the children's meticulous hearts and emotional entanglements could not be fully revealed.
Among them, what touched me the most was the reaction of Miao Miao's parents and Xiao Yang's parents;
During the investigation of the case, Xiao Yang was once summoned by the police to ask him if he had an improper relationship with Miao Miao, and when he learned of these Xiao Yang's parents, he scolded him for causing himself a lot of trouble, and cried that Xiao Yang had lost their faces;
In addition to mourning, Miao Miao's parents were more confused, claiming: Give her good food, wear good clothes, what else do you want?
It can be seen that in a family, the greatest warmth is not simply food, clothing, shelter and transportation, but to enter the depths of the family, especially the child's heart;
Care about their feelings and growing trauma, rather than thinking that children are emotionless or scolding them without asking why.
Among the partners I know, there are types of parents who are busy with work and business all day long, and they hardly ask questions about their children;
There are also parents who let children who have not done anything wrong to bully others, relatives who lack basic qualities, and apologize;
Children in these families, do not feel the real love and care, no one understands themselves, after growing up, it is easy to be deceived and hurt by feelings;
For a family, this is the greatest misfortune.
There is no love between husband and wife, and the child comes first
There is no love between husband and wife, and everything puts children first, which is probably the realistic portrayal of many families.
Some people say that the relationship between husband and wife should be the first in a family.
Because only when two adults, truly mature and loving each other, can they work together to support a home;
In the marriage of parents, children have seen what is true love and affection, in order to have a strong will, optimistic spirit and peaceful mentality in the process of making friends and breaking into society in the future.
On the contrary, a child living in a family where parents attack and ridicule each other and pick and blame each other is easily anxious, emotionally unstable, and grades will be affected.
Research shows that the more positive the emotions of parents, the better their children are;
Because such family members have a good "emotional contagion", they can empathize with each other and empathize with each other's feelings, receive more emotional feedback, and can deeply feel the connection with their families.
Therefore, please be a real adult, do not sprinkle your own negative emotions on the child, and do not ignore the emotions and thoughts of your partner because you have a new life to nurture.
Life is not easy, treat the family around you with your heart, after all, this is the harbor you are most attached to.
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Description: The picture comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted.
The article is not absolute, thanks for reading.