Introduction: When it comes to weaning, I am afraid that every mother has a period of "unbearable" days. There are many folk practices regarding weaning, such as tape, pepper smearing, and even forcibly isolating mothers and babies, which are all wrong practices. So what exactly should be done?
Text/37 degrees warm dad
Xiao Lu is a mother, the child has been 13 months, still have to eat breast milk, especially night milk, which makes Xiao Lu miserable. I often can't get a quality rest because I feed my child, so I can't work energetically during the day. Although the boss understands the difficulty of being a mother, for a self-reliant working mother like Xiao Lu, it is really something that cannot be allowed.
So, what to do?
First of all, it is necessary to confirm: is the child unable to be weaned, or does the mother not want the child to be weaned? I know you might tell me firmly, "I've been trying to wean my child for a long time. "But I also want to tell you responsibly that many times, it is the mother who stops the weaning of the child!"
Don't worry, let me tell you slowly!
Weaning, on the surface, is the act of weaning the child's feeding, but in essence it is the separation of mother and baby. In layman's terms: weaning is more about separating mother and baby on a psychological level. In this separation process, there are many times when the mother is unable to leave the baby, not because the baby is unable to leave the mother.
Take Xiao Lu in the case, she is my friend's wife, and my friend talked about the process of weaning the child with a sad face: "If you don't let me eat, the child will cry, and the crying is painful!" The whole family can't sleep well, my mother said, the child is still young, eat two bites can sleep, why keep the child crying? In fact, Xiao Lu is also distressed about the child, and can't see the child crying. ”
I want to see this, the answer should be very clear! It's the mother who can't make a break: when the child cries because she doesn't get the familiar warmth of RF, the mother's heart softens. In the space in the mother's heart, it is impossible to accommodate the child's crying. In other words, the crying of the child because of the weaning makes the mother feel anxious and the dereliction of duty as a mother.
So, when weaning, do you let your child cry? NO! NO! Teacher Zhao Chengzhi of Mandohais Psychology said the six-word truth of weaning: The milk is gone, the mother is still there!
This sentence refers to the fact that in the process of weaning, if the child is crying, the mother can first accept the child's emotions and allow the child to show anger, fear, crying, and even aggression because she does not get it. At this time, what the mother needs to do is to accompany the child, help the child feel the bad emotional experience brought about by the loss of weaning, and then integrate love and hate. Mothers need to use gentle words and expressions to comfort their children.
Speaking of which, I have to mention the British psychoanalyst Winnicott's view on mothers: good enough mother - a good enough mother, should do two things:
First, the mother's body is like a huge container, which can receive the negative emotions emitted by the child and convert them into positive emotions through their own digestion and feed them back to the child.
Case in point: When a baby is born, she can only express her needs through crying, while the postpartum mother needs time to recover her physical strength and spirit. If a mother hears a crying child, smiles and says, "Baby, Mom heard it, are you hungry or uncomfortable?" Mom is already by your side. This response from the mother is a positive emotional regurgitation, which transforms the baby's negative emotions into positive emotions through its own digestion.
Second, the mother should be able to provide a holding environment for the baby, which I understand: both physical and mental. We can imagine that a newborn baby, we will wrap our arms around the baby in our arms, so the baby feels wrapped in security, which is the physical level of holding. Spiritual support is the first point mentioned above: the mother should act as the baby's emotional container.
I have enough reason to believe that a good enough mother can do the "milk is weaned, the mother is still there" behavior. Through their own acceptance, digestion, feeding of the child's emotions and their own body's support for the child, let the child get effective comfort in the anxiety, fear and anger of weaning! Of course, this process will certainly not be so good and will take a while.
Another point to emphasize with regard to weaning is that WHO believes that it is best to feed up to two years of age if conditions permit. This view is more based on the physical considerations of children, especially in poor countries, where infants' access to nutrition is not guaranteed. Babies generally start to add complementary foods after 6 months, if there is no lack of nutrient supply, you can consider weaning your child around the age of one.
From the spiritual level of weaning, we may also understand Winnicott's point of view: when children can play the game of throwing things, they already have the ability to get rid of things. About 10-15 months, some earlier, some later.
Finally, it is emphasized that weaning is the need for the individual psychological development of infants. From the perspective of emotional development, the baby experiences the fear, anxiety and anger of loss for the first time, understands emotions under the comfort of the mother, and integrates itself, which is also the foundation for the separation of sleeping in the room and sending kindergartens in the future.
Conclusion: Weaning is the need for the baby's development, remember the six-word mantra of weaning "the milk is gone, the mother is still there"! When weaning is difficult, the mother needs to be self-aware, whether the child can't be broken, or the mother is too anxious to break.
@37 Degrees Warm Dad Psychological Institute Marriage, Family and Parent-Child Relationship in-the-job research, sharing psychological parenting knowledge every day. According to incomplete statistics: 99.99% of people who pay attention to warm fathers have happier marriages and more well-behaved children.
Share it and be a value deliverer!
The copyright of this article belongs to the original author! It may not be reproduced without permission!
Some of the pictures are from the Internet, if there is infringement, contact the author to delete!