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Before Labor Day
There is also an important festival waiting for us
It's legendary
"International Day Of Not Playing Children"
That's right, April 30 every year
Also known as "No Slap Day"
It was first initiated by an anti-corporal punishment civil society organization in the United States
It aims to make parents discipline positively
Hope on this day
No one did anything to the children
At present, hundreds of countries in the world have accepted this festival
I thought it was another network funny paragraph
Never expected
It's a serious holiday
Many netizens sighed
First time I heard about this festival
The holiday came too late
There are also netizens on this festival
Self-interpretation was made
He was beaten by his parents as a child
It was a childhood nightmare
None of the used "weapons" carry a heavy sample
slippers
This is by no means a patent of the charter wife
Its attack range is narrow and powerful
Fast response and good sound effect
If you choose a plastic material with good flexibility
It can also be fired continuously (a weapon that has lasted for a hundred years)
Drying rack
This weapon weighs 3 pairs and is 40 cm long
Although light, but the attack is fast
The contact surface is narrow and painful
It is difficult for non-professional abusers to avoid
So advise all bear children
Don't dry your mother's clothes
Or provoke her when you're near the closet
belt
Take it with you wherever you go
One draw is there
Burn the stick
Locally sourced materials for a smooth feel
It is suitable for people who live in tile houses in the early years
With a little force, you can hear the sticks
The "whirring" sound of swinging up and down in the air
This weapon is best suited for hitting the calf
Hit a slice of red
With a little force you kneel
It even appeared online
"Mom beat me again" family portrait package
In a children's experiment in the United States, researchers made more than 100 children believe that they had damaged valuables, and found that children with mothers who spanked, slapped and scolded loudly felt the least guilt. According to research by the National Institute of Mental Health, children who think about the wall will behave more badly than ordinary children, even if mothers will take the time to talk to them afterwards.
The researchers believe that this is because children will use more misconduct to reciprocate the punishment of "mom and dad taking back their love". Children who are more punished tend to experience more misconduct, worse emotional states, and moral attitudes. Moreover, punishment can destroy the parent-child relationship, and the child does not want to follow the guidance of the parents.
Children regard their parents as important people to survive, and when we punish their children's mistakes in a rough way such as scolding, they often make children feel a great sense of anxiety, or accumulate very strong anger but may not dare to express it publicly. These emotions jump up and down in the child's body, can not let the child calm down, adrenaline soaring, it is difficult to calmly think and experience their own inner feelings and the inner feelings of others, and they can not increase the ability to deal with such things.
Children do things wrong often because they lack a better understanding of the matter, or lack care and compassion for others, or can't find a better solution. None of these deficiencies can be solved by a single beating, but rather patience, clear instructions, compassion for the child's difficulties, understanding the child's needs, brainstorming with the child, and practicing better solutions.
Q1
Parents lack the ability to perceive and organize their emotions
Many parents punish their children as if they were out of control. They don't know what's going on inside them at the moment, they just feel a "buzz" sound, and their brains are completely occupied by something called "emotions".
In other words, this kind of parent has an "irrational body", and what they often say may be: "I don't want to hit the child, but the emotions are uncontrollable", or find excuses to excuse their emotions, which will undoubtedly exchange more grievances and anger for the children, so that the parent-child conflict will further escalate.
Tips:
Parents can carefully recall and record what things their emotional loss of control is generally related to, and think about why these things are most likely to evoke emotions, and after doing such self-sorting for a period of time, emotions may be more transparent and controllable.
Q2
Family communication stinks
Become an "infinite war" to win or lose
In family quarrels, the arguments between the two sides often deviate from the original topic and generalize to every little thing in life, even personal attacks on each other. The purpose of the debate is no longer to find a compromise, but to win or lose.
A boy once said: "In fact, many times my quarrels with my parents have long been off topic, and I know that there is no need to continue to fight, but whenever I see my father's aggressive posture, I will feel that even if I am reasonable, I can't lose in momentum." And the boy's parents also feel that regardless of the objective facts, they must let the child listen to himself.
Tips:
When you find that the conflict with your child begins to deviate from the original event, you can call a pause first, wait for a while, and then return to the original topic when the two sides are slightly calm, and discuss it on a case-by-case basis.
Q3
Catastrophic and non-black-and-white ways of thinking
Another characteristic of families prone to corporal punishment is that they think and act to extremes, feeling that there can only be one opinion on something, only one way to deal with it, and no other possibilities can be tolerated.
For example, when they see their children deserting in online classes, some parents will automatically associate their children's behavior with extreme and qualitative evaluations of their children such as "no willpower" and "self-willed depravity". And under the domination of this catastrophic and extreme thoughts, the anxiety in the parents' hearts may rise several levels.
Tips:
When you want to have a seizure, you may wish to remind yourself that "things are not necessarily the way I think, is there any other way to interpret the child's behavior?" ”
Q4
Likes to express his needs with anger and aggression
Many parents see their children learning without care, and they instinctively burst into anger. But when they carefully helped them analyze the real emotions behind their anger, they found that what really drove them crazy was anxiety and fear.
For example, a mother said: "I now realize that every time I see my son not being careful, what really surges in my heart is fear, and I am afraid that if he does not study hard, he will live a very miserable life in the future and be bullied." "Interestingly, when most people are anxious, they instinctively express themselves in the way of attacking others.
Tips:
When you get angry with your child again, ask yourself, "Am I really angry at what my child has done?" Or is there something else behind my anger? ”
Q5
Conflicts are not repaired after they occur
It is not terrible to have conflicts between family members, but what is terrible is that after the conflict occurs, the family members are not willing to find an opportunity to re-discuss what happened before, are unwilling to repair the conflict, and are unwilling to grow from the conflict.
In some families, family members will think that the other party is the fault of the other party, that the other party must first change, and the result may eventually become a protracted battle without a winner. Some families habitually pretend that nothing has happened, deliberately not talking about the unresolved conflicts, and as a result, these untreated emotions will always jump out at some exciting points.
Tips:
If you can, please find a time when everyone is more relaxed after the conflict to take the initiative to start an open dialogue, so that the family and yourself can fully express their needs and feelings without worrying about being evaluated. Please note that by extending an olive branch, you are not the "perpetrator".
Every child is different
They need to find a suitable method for them
Communicate more with your child
Communicate more
In order to let the child be in a loving environment
Enjoy a happy childhood
"What kind of tool did you get hit when you were a kid?"
Comments are welcome in the comments section
Let Little E see it
Source: Teachers' Union
Editors: Xue Hai, Zhang Zhenyu