psychology
reason
comfort
raise
Family is the starting point of life
Long heard of Teacher Li Meijin, know that she is a famous criminal psychology expert, Teacher Li through more than thirty years of teaching and research found that people's psychological problems and early years of parenting are closely related, this book combines social cases, the text is simple, the reason is profound, Teacher Li's educational philosophy, different from the way of conforming to nature in the market, more like the older generation of earnest teaching, how to raise children who are diligent, skinny, hard-working, able to withstand talking, and not easily remember hate. I highly recommend it for moms and dads to read.
1
Do not teach but do good
SUMMER
◆ People who do not have time to think are prone to lose their lives
A person from birth to be able to earn money independently, it takes about 20 years of "time ocean", during which some people are a little anxious, hoping to compress the long learning process; when a person enters the society, it will be dazzling, looking for a job, looking for a partner, and then raising money to get married, may not be ready, the child will come... In a rush, the second 20 years of life's "time ocean" is gone; the third 20 years, people have entered the year of confusion, whether the career can climb to the peak depends on the efforts of the next few years, people who are not willing to be satisfied with the status quo just work hard to cross the line, to the point of retirement; the fourth 20 years, it is reasonable to say that it can be used to get away or squander, but some people are damaged by the last 20 years of sprinting, some people can not travel far because their parents are still alive, or have seen their third generation born, Can't help your children with your children... In the midst of bittersweet, people spend 20 years of "time ocean" in the blink of an eye; the last 20 years are precious, and many people can't get their hands on it.
When a person makes life choices, he cannot only care about the feelings in front of him, but also have the concept of "tomorrow".
◆ All social problems are actually human problems
Narcissistic personalities are often nurtured. If we praise a child every day, "You are awesome" and "You are so handsome", the child will grow up with an illusion, self-awareness disorder, and feel that he is really great. When he goes to society independently to face difficult problems or faces stronger opponents, he often cannot accept reality.
When people look for causes, they often attribute good behaviors and successful behaviors to themselves, and bad behaviors and failed behaviors to the outside. Social psychology calls this phenomenon "attribution bias." To overcome this weakness of human nature, we must be good at reflection.
◆ Man's problems stem from the early years of parenting
Don't blame the child for this or that is not good, everything he has now is due to your early upbringing.
People's appetite is fed, temper is brought out, ideas are nagging, cruelty is weak and helpless, shamelessness is spoiled by all kinds of accommodation.
◆ Children's problems are mostly made by the adults around them
Parents are a mirror of the child, and many of the child's problems can be found in the parents.
What does it mean that a child will beat someone with his hands? Someone beat him at home. If the child has done something wrong, instead of hitting him, the parents will crouch down and look at him, or take him in their arms and ask him softly but seriously: "Do you think this is good?" "Parents deal with problems in this way, and children will not hit people when they go out, but will communicate well with people."
Many children hide from their parents when they have problems, why? Because parents are intolerant and undemocratic to their children, they cannot accept their children. Some parents say, "My kids love to lie. "Why? Every time the child tells them the truth, they hold a negative attitude, and the child will not dare to tell them the real situation in the future. If parents could accept everything about their children, even if the children made mistakes, they could respond in a reasonable way, and the children would not be like this.
"Goodness without teaching" requires two conditions: one is that the child has always lived with the parents; the other is that the parents' words and deeds show kindness and decency, that is, the parents themselves are very good people. Some parents are very self-disciplined, work seriously, take care of the family, love to learn, love to think, love to discuss problems at home, children will hear and witness it will be imperceptible, not to teach but good.
Some parents complain that their children have been bullied by their classmates and discriminated against by teachers, all of which are the fault of classmates and teachers. These parents did not reflect on it: "If the teachers and classmates are not good to my child, is it possible that my child has something wrong?" "Then, parents should take the initiative to communicate with the teacher and talk to their children.
When something goes wrong with your child, don't scold your child, look at yourself first. In fact, educating children does not need to check books every day, do not need to ask experts every day, parents only need to spend some time to self-reflect, think about what the child's performance has to do with themselves, what they give to their children, and which kind of education method they have led to their children like this.
◆ Parents should cherish the process of getting along with their children
Raising children is not preaching every day, nor is everything being taken care of. Parent-child relationships need to be cultivated with time. Careful care, patient companionship, and wise observation are the prerequisites for reading children.
Even if the child has not left his parents since he was a child, if the parents try to save trouble, leave him to others to take care of, and only see a small amount of time every day, the omission and blankness of this parenting process will also cause parents to not understand the child's thoughts, needs and wishes. As children grow older and enter puberty, parents will truly feel how far the child is from their own psychology, so that it is difficult to understand the child's various rebellions.
◆ Family function is reflected in the parents' cultivation behavior
If people's problems are in the early years, the problems in the early years are in the family, and the family's problems are in the parents, then what is the problem of the parents? I think it's marriage. Many problems in family parenting often stem from the marital crisis of parents.
Most of the child's psychological problems stem from the marriage and emotional crisis of the parents.
◆ Human psychological inheritance contains ancestral cultivation behaviors
Memories formed by life experiences not only stay in the relevant nerve cells, but are also passed on to future generations. This means that the experience of learning and working hard today will become the ability of the next generation and even the next generation. Because as a parent, your current behavior will not only affect the education of your immediate children, but also embed your neural memories, enter your genes, and pass them on to your children and grandchildren. Therefore, in the process of family upbringing, the self-cultivation and speech and behavior of parents are very important, which will affect the character and learning ability of future generations, and then affect whether their genes can be passed on in the world for a long time.
◆ People who lack self-reflection awareness are psychologically immature
People who lack self-reflective awareness are often "dependent variables", always counting on changes from others to change reality, and never know how to become active "independent variables". When things happen, you only expect others to change, which is a manifestation of tying your fate to others. Such people will certainly encounter many setbacks in social life.
■ Emotions need to be expressed, and they need to be managed
There will always be contradictions between people, and when you communicate with people, you gradually enter the mode of quarrel, whether the other party is family, friends or passers-by, you must remember: take three to five sentences as the benchmark, do not exceed five sentences. Because when arguing about three sentences, the meaning has been clearly pointed out, and there is no point in saying more, just wanting to overpower the other party and win over the other party, and every additional sentence is a bad stimulus.
If you really can't help it, at most say your feelings, such as "I'm dying of gas", and then turn your head and walk away. When quarreling does not exceed five sentences, there is generally no danger of anger caused by passion.
◆ Emotions should be dissolved and not knotted, otherwise it is easy to get "heart cancer"
The characteristics of the heart knot are caused by the reaction of a certain failure in the past, entangled in the painful feeling of failure, and obsessed with the redemption of past failures. The knot of the heart makes people no longer focus on the present and the future, nor do they consider whether it is reasonable to insist on not letting go, but to spend a new day to guard the failure that has already passed.
◆ Psychological development also shows a step-by-step pattern
Emotions, need to be raised. This is the first stage of psychological development, which is mainly done by the breastfeeder in the home. Emotional parenting is when the child is not yet able to act autonomously, and every time a cry is issued, the caregiver can respond in time and take care of it in place. When emotional nurturing is in place, the child remembers the smell, voice, and appearance of the nurturer because the person is the source of his happiness. This lasts from four months to six months, and the child will have the first emotion in life - attachment. This is the first emotion of a newcomer to this world. The object of the child's attachment is his stable caregiver, who only loves and trusts this person. When attachment feelings can be continuously satisfied, children will have a sense of trust and security to the outside world, and their hearts will be more open, and it is easy to continue to develop family affection and partnership. Moreover, when the attachment relationship is established, the caregiver has the capital to say "no" to the child, laying the foundation for the next step, that is, character upbringing.
Character, need to be nurtured. This is the second stage of psychological development, which is mainly done in family life by the person to whom the child is attached. 0 to 3 years old is mainly emotional support, and the caregiver should patiently care for and help the child with all the love. Love is a kind of psychological nutrition, but it is not all the nutrition that people need, and it must be restrained at a certain time. Therefore, from the age of about three, it is necessary to cultivate the child's personality. The most important difference between character upbringing and emotional upbringing is that emotional upbringing is more about taking care of and satisfying children, while character upbringing is more about regulating and restraining children. For young children, this process often brings pain and suffering.
Therefore, if there is no emotional upbringing as the basis, when there is a defect in the parent-child relationship, character upbringing is difficult to sustain. If the person raising the child has a background of personal upbringing and has an emotional control over the child, it is easier to avoid the trouble in the process of character upbringing.
For a young child who is new to the world, while meeting any of his requirements, the caregiver is also teaching him how to express his ideas, how to treat others, and establish a set of behavioral norms related to others and society. Once a good code of conduct is formed and a cultured person is formed, it is easier for children to integrate into the group and society in the future. Competence needs to be cultivated. This is the third stage of psychological development, which is mainly done by teachers at different levels of school through educational activities. Abilities include intelligence, skills, special abilities, etc. Among them, intelligence is a basic ability with a genetic background; special ability is an ability with a personal talent; skills need to be acquired through hard study and training. That is to say, ability is related to two factors of the individual: one is innate endowment, and the other is acquired effort. Among them, the hard work of the individual is a very difficult process, and it will be much smoother to have a good character upbringing as the basis, otherwise it is easy to give up halfway.
The self needs to be cultivated. This is the fourth stage of psychological development, done by the individual himself who enters social life independently. On the basis of the first three steps, a person's self-cultivation will determine the height of life.
02
Enwei and Shi
SUMMER
◆ The best time to raise is the attachment period
If these 18 years are divided into three equal segments, that is, 0 to 6 years old, 6 to 12 years old, and 12 to 18 years old, the period before the age of six contains the most periods; adolescence ranks second, including the two periods of early adolescence and late adolescence; and only the second six years, that is, only one period of early school age, which Freud called the "incubation period".
The first six years of life account for three periods, with the most changes, meaning that this is the best and most critical period for shaping people.
Attachment is from 0 to 12 years old, and puberty is from 12 to 18 years old. The two periods are both continuous and comparable, with significant differences due to the existence of a turning point. This turning point is that after people enter puberty, sexual function begins to develop, and the resulting psychological change is from dependence on nurturers to the pursuit of independent self.
Attachment period mainly develops emotions, speech, sociality, cognitive methods, concepts, personality, ability, etc., adolescence in their own ability to develop in depth and horizontally at the same time, more pursuit of self-development, including self-independent consciousness, sexual awareness, self-worth, self-identity, etc., as well as to the group and make close friends, and finally the pursuit of self-realization.
◆ Adolescence needs the wisdom of parents the most
Adolescence is an important transition period from attachment to independence. For the various manifestations of children's breakouts during this period, the parenter is "not in a hurry" is the only way to crack it.
When a child is not as tall as an adult, and everyone has to look up, it is inevitable that he will be timid, tolerant and even obedient, and want the adult he is attached to to accompany him and protect him. However, when the height of the child is close to that of an adult, it will feel that I am also an adult, and I am equal to you.
◆ Emotional psychological upbringing must be unvarnished love
A person's emotional development depends on whether, in the first year of his life, he has enough patience, care, tolerance, and even a little indulgence in raising out of genuine love. For a newborn child within one year of age, parents can let go of loving him, give him enough emotional nutrition, use your body, your hug, your comfort, your smile, your voice to express love, and can not use money or borrow the hand of others to indirectly express your love, that is cut corners of psychological nutrition.
◆ The psychological upbringing of speech is rich in human voices
A cute little talker means that he has enjoyed the pampering of many people since he was a child.
Why are people prone to aggression not good at talking? Apparently, they lacked the voice of speech in their ears during the critical period of speech formation (within three years of age). This lack of voice means that the people around them are not emotionally rich and psychologically inadequate.
◆ The way of raising will affect the child's prosocial behavior
The younger the child, the more his external performance can show the behavior patterns of those around him. A person's prosocial behavior, or kindness, is a silent sign that the person has been well raised in the first birth.
Kindness must be wise. Even if you are helping others, you must be vigilant and do not be deceived.
◆ Emotion is a tight curse designed by Heaven for man
There is the wisdom of nature in all things, because the operation of all things is not the will of man; on the contrary, the so-called wisdom of man comes precisely from nature, which is the wisdom that man gradually discovers and recognizes the nature itself, so the laws and power of nature are far beyond the wisdom of man.
◆ Attachment emotion is the psychological capital for raising children
"Psychological control" does not refer to the use of external specific coercive commands, actions, or control exerted by the power of resources such as money, but through good personal upbringing, let the child attach, rely on, trust you, and form an attachment feeling, so that he willingly accepts your request, trusts your words, and is willing to listen to your words.
When he grows up and shows bad performance, you don't stop it, don't show your attitude, he won't form a concept of right and wrong in his head, he won't have a bottom line of behavior when he does things, he will act completely according to desire, and become unregulated and lawless.
Only when a person is completely powerless and helpless, when he is in the pain of not being able to help himself and help himself, the patient companionship of others, the timely response, and the process of helping him relieve his suffering regardless of his efforts can it be possible to accumulate this emotional power and form this psychological control.
◆ The richer people's emotions, the fuller their humanity
The richer the affection of the child, the better the social development.
Parents did not take their children personally in the early years, and the strict control after that will be extremely risky, because he has no memory of your arms.
◆ Attachment to the mother does not equal fatherly love is not important
In the presence of the child, the father should love the mother well. Because the mother loves the child, the child also loves the mother, and when he sees that the father loves the mother so much, he will also love the father. Also pay attention to the fact that family members should not focus on the child, which is easy for the child to feel that "I am the center of the family, and you must pay attention to me".
The mother should consciously show a firm side in front of the child, that is, after making demands on some important things, she must persist until the child accepts it, and cannot easily give up her own propositions, but the attitude should be gentle. Mother's strictness should be "kind and firm".
The relationship between father and child is more often an example for the child, and this example should be a way of behavior that the child can use outside the family in the future. Such as understanding differences, distinguishing between facts, mediating relationships, and handling problems in social life. Because my father had strength, he could not easily use violence. The father wants to convey to his child the message: "I have power, but I never abuse it." "I reason with you and discuss with you, which is the best way to solve the problem."
When the child is the most difficult, when he encounters setbacks, if the father can give the child some advice and guidance with his own insight and open mind, he can tell him that "this matter is a big thing in front of you, but you will look back later on it is not big", which is to cultivate the child's mind. The father should give the child the feeling of a friend and be the guide of a child's life.
◆ Psychological upbringing focuses on conduct
Psychological upbringing is the first step in psychological occurrence and development, that is, the awakening of human nature and the establishment of emotional relationships. Psychological upbringing is the second stage of psychological development, which is to make the emotional development more complete on the basis of primary emotions. Don't think that raising a child is all it takes to fully express your love to him. If, in the two or three years after the birth of a child, when the child cries, we must pick him up as soon as possible to help him eliminate the pain; but when the child is three years old, he can't move and cry loudly, and even lie on the ground and roll, it is not as simple as holding up.
Everything in this world exists in pairs and then transforms into each other, even in opposite ways, coexisting and acting complementarily, and the same is true of love. I also divide the "love of the calf" into two kinds: one is the masculine love, that is, the love that is fully exposed, from the expression to the action; the other is the yin love, which is not revealed, but hidden in the heart, convergent and restrained. The former manifests as grace, and the latter manifests itself as might.
◆ Not in accordance with the rules, can not be a square circle
Boundaries of behavior and rules of conduct, if intentionally taught in the upbringing process before the age of six, his behavior will reflect the upbringing. If you want to stop some kind of inappropriate behavior towards your child immediately, your reaction at that time is to establish rules for him.
Parenting should be taught with the child's social behavior of contact with others and autonomous action.
◆ Psychological parenting requires both grace and power
Early response to the child's physical needs in time to respond to and relieve his pain is a kind of psychological giving, metaphorically referred to as "sweet" psychological nutrition; and the child's crying with psychological purposes is not responded to, but looks at him and makes him cry bitterly, which is also a psychological giving, which can be called "salty" psychological nutrition, to let him know that crying can not be abused.
We can't let all the people in society take care of your children as kindly as their loved ones. Therefore, if parents are not willing to shout loudly and never want to pull down their faces to roar at their children, they can only raise a glass heart and thin skin in the end, which is the basis of psychological fragility and easy death. Not only boys, but also girls.
Raising a child, you can not not criticize, nor can you always criticize, when the child repeatedly appears the same kind of mistakes, you can no longer simply reprimand, but find out when he did a good job to fully praise and affirmation. At the same time, you can't always praise - if a certain type of thing is what he should do, excessive praise is superfluous, and he will feel like a loss if he does not hear praise in the future.
When he grows up, he must supplement the negative content on the basis of the previous favor to him, establish a threat to him, and train his psychological endurance. You can't be coddled or indulgent, and you can't develop a mentality of "obviously doing something wrong and not saying it", because good medicine is good for the disease, and advice is good for the ear. The most important thing is that parents should let their children know that even if they have not done wrong, when they are wronged by others, a person must still believe in himself, and have the psychological courage to prove or test himself, which is to use great wisdom to raise children.
◆ Personality depends on the acquired nature
If the nurturer often yells at the young child, over time, the child will also yell when he sees others disobedient to his heart. If the nurturer is very patient with the child and speaks kindly, the child will also speak well to others, and will always be like this when he grows up.
First, the first occurrence of behavior will have a great impact on personality.
Second, the earlier the act of interacting with a person occurs, the greater the impact on the personality of adulthood.
Third, whether the relationship with the interacting person is stable, whether the interaction mode of the caregiver is consistent, and the impact on their personality in adulthood is also very important. If the caregiver is completely replaced, or if the interaction patterns between the two caregivers are very different, their adult personalities will be very complicated.
Fourth, when people enter puberty (around the age of 14), their personality is basically formed, and after adulthood (18 years old), their personality is basically stable. It will be very difficult to change and reshape the character beyond this time.
03
Psychological upbringing
SUMMER
◆ People with low eyes are more likely to have frustration
Boys must be raised bitterly, and they must not be allowed to live comfortably in their early years, because they will have to take on the responsibility of supporting the family when they become adults. Once a woman conceives a child, she will be burdened by the child until she is born, and the burden of the economy will fall on the man.
Character cultivation not only affects the child's life, affects his ability to live in society, but also affects the parents' later years.
It is hoped that parents should not only pay attention to their children's learning and scores, but also pay attention to their children's character cultivation, and must let their children develop a diligent, solid, hard-working, able to withstand talking, and not easily remembered hate.
◆ Life is like eating grapes: first big or first small?
The learning process is an important way and way to temper people's physical and mental stability. You think, sitting there day after day, this is the basic training of human behavior. You see, who practices zazen? All are high-minded people, how many rough people can sit still? Anyone who sits firmly has the ability to meditate on something far-reaching.
If there are no strict requirements, no rules, no boundaries, and no behavioral norms in the parenting of a child, once they enter a larger free space and encounter more opportunities for choice, they will cause big mistakes due to willfulness and wanton behavior. One wrong step will make people misplaced.
◆ The sooner the heart of frustration is experienced, the better
The normal harsh criticism and even reprimand in the family is, to a certain extent, to give the child a "psychological vaccine", which can make the child strong in the complex social life encountering various situations.
◆ Psychological resilience needs to be practiced from an early age
Love for children is not necessarily expressed in care, but can also be expressed in tempering. It is more difficult to hone the child than to spoil the child, and it takes more courage from the mother.
No one can predict what setbacks or tribulations a person will encounter in his life. Parents with long-term vision, on the basis of emotional support in place, must be willing to let their children suffer from physical hardships to psychological hardships, and intentionally cultivate their children's strong character, which is a deeper and farther love to pay.
◆ Say "no" to children aged three to six
What can be done, parents can acquiesce or not take a stance, but can not do things, parents should stop the child in the first time and tell him why.
Before the age of three, there is grace to him, and from the age of three, the prestige is the majesty.
This is the best way to say "no", an expression is enough, speechless. But some scenes that are obviously enough to give an expression, adults in the family, especially mothers, often like to shout, or talk endlessly, but also have to explain various reasons. Some things are small, and it is enough to let the child know that it is not ok.
Adults who can say "no" to a "look" must be the one who personally brings the child. Adults and children have been getting along for hundreds of days, and a "tacit understanding of each other" has long been formed. Speaking of this, it comes down to the reason of "bringing your own children before the age of three", the upbringing of getting along day and night not only makes it easy for adults to read the child's mind, but also easy for children to understand the meaning of adults.
Loving children is not blindly obedient, and from a little understanding, we must teach him to behave accordingly, and understand the boundaries between what can be done and what cannot be done. This awareness is in the interaction with the child, and the sooner the child knows, the better.
What if parents find out that their children have used crying as a means to an end, and the child may be over three years old? Then make up for it before the age of six. His parents deliberately chose a time to say "no" to him firmly, and in this way he understood that crying was the most useless way of expressing it, and that he should learn to manage his emotions.
◆ Say "no" with your heart, without words
Whether it is in the mall or on the street, in front of the home or in the living room at home, when the child appears willfully crying, rolling on the ground, or falling things, hitting people and other improper behavior, the adults in the family, the order should be the mother first, and then the father, if the parents are not there, then it is best to form a one-on-one relationship with the person he is familiar with and relies on. This is because when saying "no" to the child, we must pay attention to the environment of speaking, and we must let the child face a person alone, and do not let him see others, because there are other people present, and the smart child will know in his heart that there must be someone present who can't bear to see him cry.
There is also a situation that occurs in public, and I often see some adults reprimanding children when there are many passers-by on the street. Other parents do nothing when their children are in public, but just look at it coldly. I think neither of these approaches is appropriate, so that either the child loses his sense of self-esteem and no longer cares about the eyes of others in the future; or the child finds a sense of performance, and the more people he makes, the more vigorous he is.
When you can't agree with the discipline of the discipliner, you should also try to avoid the child, do not disagree at the time or in person, and then communicate with the adults after the incident, even if it is arguing, but do not face the child.
The elderly should pay more attention to this, if the parents discipline the child when the accusation and interruption, or even obviously protect the child, it will not only affect the effect of parental discipline, but also destroy the child's respect for the parents, he will have no fear in the future.
One-on-one discipline has four "noes."
First, you can't hit your child with your hands.
Second, you can't scold him when you close the door
Third, don't reason with your child when he's crying. When he is crying fiercely, your silence will make the child feel unusual, and he will quietly observe you, which makes it easier for him to understand your attitude.
Fourth, don't walk away and lock him up in the house alone.
With four "no's," you only have to do one thing – sit across from him, or sit cross-legged in front of him and watch him cry, or even smile and squint at him and cry and make him cry once.
◆ Communicate with people, learn to be reasonable and interactive
This way of saying "no" is to give the child a clear attitude: if you do not do it right, you will not give in to me no matter what you make trouble, my love for you is principled, and the outcome of the matter depends on your own performance. All children will perceive your reaction from it. As long as you are resolute enough, he understands enough.
This is an important way of teaching children to behave in society, and when they have ideas, requirements, and emotions, they must learn to speak well. Establishing a way of communicating with others for children can not only allow him to clear his inner emotions, but also let him understand that some things need to be considered differently, and listening to others may not be a good choice.
◆ Delayed gratification to practice patience
When the first lesson of character development "say 'no' with heart" is carried out, the child will understand a truth, there are many things "do or not" can not rely on their own "think or not", but also must pay attention to whether the outside is allowed. Learn to express and communicate when not allowed. Communication is not successful? This requires further development of his second character trait, which is waiting and patience, which is the important personality trait of whether a person can maximize his or her own value.
How to cultivate man's patience in his early years? It is recommended that around the age of three or four, when the child is a little sensible, find an opportunity to take him to buy toys. Before this, the child's toys are selected and purchased by adults for him, parents should understand in their hearts, the first time to take him to buy toys is actually other intentions, that is, let him face his favorite things, one is to know that anything is not easy to come by, the other is to intentionally let him think that the things that are about to arrive can not be obtained immediately, but need to wait, and even need to make a certain effort. Thus, the patience in his character is deliberately cultivated.
Most importantly, you don't have to be overwhelmed. Because children grow up, there are more unpleasant things, and people must learn to accept them. This "psychological receptive" ability needs to be developed slowly.
You can ask him to do something that requires concentration, such as building complex blocks, or asking him to draw, drawing can exercise the child's movement of holding a pen, and these puzzle activities can practice his habit of concentration.
As you get older, you can increase the task time from 10 minutes to 20 minutes, 30 minutes, until the age of six before school, if he can sit at the desk for half an hour to 40 minutes to finish a thing, then he goes home after elementary school to write homework, basically the homework time to complete a class, it is easy to adapt.
◆ Seduction training, teaching it to self-manage
The next key to character development is for him to learn self-management. Self-management refers to the ability of people to choose long-term satisfaction methods when faced with many opportunities and temptations, rather than short-sighted, impatient, and greedy excessively satisfying their desires. There is also patience and waiting in self-management. But the key to resisting temptation is "willingness."
◆ Contact with people, learn to be polite first
This kind of behavior roughly includes two aspects: one is the way to contact people, including the contact between familiar relationships and unfamiliar relationships; the other is the way to get along with different people, and how to react when encountering inevitable contradictions or conflicts in getting along. During this period, parents or other dependents should pay sufficient attention to the child's "behavior involving others", because once a person's early behavior is repeated into a way, it will become a character that affects his life.
The more human upbringing, the more real and natural it is in strange relationships and in the absence of each other.
It is possible to tolerate people who do not understand politeness, but it must be kept away from uncultured people.
◆ Get along with people, learn to share and tolerate
A year or a year and a half before a child enters kindergarten, parents or family members should intentionally bring their child into contact with neighbors, or look for children of the same size, make an appointment, and play together regularly. In families with fewer members, the parents should often take their children with them, so that he can see more people and adapt to the scene of more people.
If a child's behavior clearly shows a lack of custody, the way to solve the problem should be to communicate with the adult, not to be rude to the child.
Living in a group, you must take others into account when doing things. During the critical period of character development, parents should intentionally tell their children that as long as others are present or nearby, they must consider whether their actions will affect others.
Patience is the basis of tolerance, and only those who have endurance can tolerate others.
In short, people who can get along with people who are different from themselves and have this personality will have many friends. When a person has friends in his life, he is not alone, and when he does things, there will be someone to accompany him and follow him. In middle school, the more friends the children, the less likely they are to be isolated and bullied.
◆ The hardship of physical strength cultivates tenacity
If you want to make your child mentally strong and resilient, you must temper it from the pain of the body.
Cultivating this physical pain can begin around the age of four. Two pieces of advice in this regard: When the child is about four years old, let him practice running first, and then let him learn to swim.
I suggest that at least on the weekend rest, don't care what time you sleep, after getting up, your mother cooks, and your father takes your child downstairs to run, and for four or five-year-old children, your father should be patient, then as long as you have time, no distance, that is, no matter how fast you run, you have to run for 30 minutes. When the child slowly adapts, you can speed up and extend the distance. After running like this until the child is 10 years old, he himself has developed the habit of running. Once he is not happy, he will habitually go out and do some activities.
My second suggestion is for children to learn to swim earlier. Swimming and running have their own strengths, running trains people's endurance, and swimming exercises children's guts. People who can't swim have a sense of fear when they see water. We must teach the child to overcome the sense of fear, which exercises his psychological quality.
Give children more time of their own before they turn seven, let them play outside the house, to the field, to the mountains, to the water, let them feel the joy of freedom and the joy of life, so that the nervous system in their body, but also the basis of psychological activity is strengthened and strengthened. When their physique is strong, their willpower will become stronger, and psychological resilience or resilience is guaranteed.