What would you say if someone complimented your child?
Many parents will say, "Where is he, he is still far behind?" ”
What will you do if your child gets good grades?
Many parents do not praise their children, but care about how much difference between their children and the first place.
What do you do when your child falls?
Instead of going over to check and ask how their children are, parents blurt out "Tell you how many times to walk carefully." ”
The study found that the use of "criticism instead of praise and love" is a common problem among Asian parents, especially those in our country. Chinese parents are introverts, often "love in the heart, the mouth is difficult to open", worried that as soon as they praise their children, the children will be proud. You say that our parents are also strange, and can say "loving words" so unpopular to children, resulting in children losing confidence, and the relationship with parents is getting worse and worse.
Hate iron is not steel parents, why always like "reverse operation"
Chinese parents are greatly influenced by traditional culture and believe that people should be modest and not proud. Out of concern for the child's "pride", he often likes to use the language of criticism instead of praise and love, the purpose is nothing more than to hope that the child can be more modest, harder, and better.
It is precisely because of this "hate iron is not steel" way of talking that children think that they are not doing well enough and lose confidence in themselves. Over time, children fall into the vicious circle of learned helplessness, fear of their parents, and want to run away from home.
For the matter of "praise", we must also "love in the heart, dare to open our mouths"
1, do not skimp on praise
When children perform well and make great progress, parents should not skimp on words of praise. The right encouragement and praise will not only make the child proud and complacent, but will satisfy the child's sense of achievement and enhance the child's self-confidence and self-motivation.
When a child makes a mistake or does not do well, the child will also feel sad and depressed, and what is needed is the comfort and encouragement of the parents, even if it is just a hug. And most of our parents think not of comfort and encouragement, but of blame, counting, a bit of a downfall, and the feeling of hindsight.
2. Improve the quality of companionship
When it comes to companionship, many parents may say, "I accompany my child every day, pick her up and drop off at school, and accompany her to interest classes." Then I want to ask you, have you accompanied your children to go for a walk, go to play ball together, go on a tour together, I guess many parents will shake their heads.
Look at our companionship, not to accompany the child to the interest class, or on the way to the interest class, back home is also constantly urging the child to write homework, reading, not a minute is playing with the child.
Yes, we're certainly right to spend more time raising and nurturing children. In order for their children to be able to accept their "suggestions", some parents often hang on their lips "how much time we have spent and how much money have we spent for you" and "study hard, don't let me down". When children know that their parents have such high expectations of themselves and they cannot achieve themselves, the psychological pressure is very great, and even a sense of guilt will be generated. This is definitely not the purpose of our children to take interest classes, and it is definitely not.
Before enrolling their children in interest classes, parents should think about one thing: whether the interest class is the "interest" of the children or the interest of the parents. The first task of parents is to discover their children's talents and interests and cultivate them according to their interests. When children see learning as an interest, learning is not a problem.
In fact, whether it is praise or criticism, parents' love for their children is the same, I hope they are healthy and happy, the difference is only that some people are good at expressing love, and some people are more subtle.
After reading this article, what would you do if the following thing happened to your family?
On your birthday, your child carefully selects a beautiful gift through long-term observation, and you also like it. What do you do when you know that your daughter broke her beloved piggy bank and spent thousands of dollars in it to buy you a gift?