Due to work adjustments, working day time, temporarily unable to send articles, adjusted to publish study notes. (The content of the notes comes from: books, official accounts, Zhihu, Weibo, paid communities, does not represent personal views)
1, pay attention to their own people, more inclusive
After having a certain amount of experience and understanding people, you will have a clear perception of the energy emitted from a person.
Every time I encounter a person who is true, good, and beautiful, and who has been quiet for years, he will raise his vigilance and further judge whether this person is really simple or dirty and dark in his heart, living in the illusion he has woven.
And the truly warm and pure people do not need to be set up, and the energy field emitted must be reassuring.
Even if there are some differences in lifestyle and ideas, they are still willing to become friends who can make friends, and this sense of trust and full security is rare.
I like people who have clear goals and ambitions to achieve something.
I also like to be positive and good at running ordinary small days, these people make me feel extremely comfortable and at ease.
Because people who know that their minds are focused on their own business, they will not go to others to find faults, and people who are highly demanding of themselves are often more tolerant of others.
It is precisely because I know that people who really like and respect themselves are a minority, so they are more clearly defined.
2. Two kinds of punishment and effects
There are two types of punishment: psychological punishment and physical punishment.
Psychological punishment uses verbal or nonverbal threats to frighten the child and impair the child's self-perception;
Physical punishment links misbehavior to pain by slapping, spanking, pulling the hair, or causing pain in the child's body.
Fear is a natural consequence of punishment.
As a means of control, punishment is very effective.
When children are afraid, parents have unquestionable authority over them.
How does fear affect children?
Children will be nervous, anxious, and mentally unbalanced because of fear.
There is no doubt that children in fear cannot perform well.
It is for this reason that punishment can prevent children from growing into thoughtful, loving, and confident people.
Punishment can also lead to rebellion, rebellion, lying, and resentful obedience.
It works well in the short term when controlling children, especially when the punisher is present.
But once the punisher leaves, the child's urge to continue the wrong behavior will be difficult to contain.
By this time, wrong behavior has risen to become a declaration of autonomy in children.
Parenting methods must be changed to help children build intrinsic drive so that this problem can be effectively avoided.
3, parents give up control, more influence
Dr. Thomas Gordon said in his book The Manual of Parent effectiveness training:
"There is a little-known psychological common sense, but it is also a paradox:
When you give up using power to control the younger generation, you will gain more influence over them!
And vice versa: as you try to control others more, your influence on them will also diminish. ”
4) If the parents are moralists, the child will live in fear
In adults, extreme thinking is often cloaked in moralism.
Moralism is not a moral or ethical reflection, but a stubborn view and value judgment that everyone should have the same behavior, appearance, and way of thinking as themselves.
The standard of perfection upheld by moralists is unmatched, even the moralists themselves.
This is the typical "black and white" thinking.
If the parent is a moralist, the child will live in fear.
Fear of making mistakes, fear of losing their parents' acceptance of them.
Children who grow up with moralistic parenting are highly likely to pass on this practice to the next generation.
The greatest obstacle to development is not ignorance, but the illusion of mastering knowledge.
The moralist's illusion is that he has perfect knowledge.
5. Negative and positive emotions, corresponding to avoidance and proximity, respectively
Darwin's study of expressions found that, from an evolutionary perspective, all organisms exhibited innate, primitive, and survival-aiding emotional mechanisms.
The poles of this mechanical continuum are "convergence" and "avoidance," which are strategies for coping with pleasure and pain.
For example, accessible foods and sex obviously lead to convergence because they can bring pleasure and satisfaction in addition to meaningful survival and reproduction;
Conversely, predators or other dangerous situations that lead to fear prompt the organism to avoid.
In the process of evolution, these two main survival mechanisms have been preserved, and they are common mechanisms across species and cultures.
In the rainbow of emotions made up of positive and negative emotions, happiness and fear are opposite ends.
Their difference is not between good and bad, but between approach and avoidance.
Negative emotions include anger, guilt, shame, remorse, fear, and grief, all of which imply that we need to resist or avoid something;
Positive emotions include empathy, joy, laughter, curiosity, and hope, which suggest that we are inclined and eager to embrace the outside world.