After the birth of the child, the parents go to work, and the grandparents take the child, which is already the real life of many families. Of course, it is good to have the elderly to help with the children, and the young people can continue to pursue their dreams, and they can also earn money to support their families and children. However, children grow up with the elderly, and there are many drawbacks that parents can't see now.
Meiru and her husband work in a garment factory, and her 8-year-old daughter follows her grandparents in her hometown. Although the work in the garment factory is very hard, it can earn hundreds of yuan a day, and it is more than 10,000 yuan a month. For The Meiru couple without academic qualifications, it is still very good.
New Year's Day, Meiru and his wife can finally go home, but at first it was fine, the daughter and the mother are very affectionate, but after a few days, the daughter "annoyed" the mother, and said to the grandmother: "Mom and Dad hurry up to work, the management at home is too wide."
My daughter was in the second grade of elementary school, and she took the 45th place in the 47th class of 47 students in the final exam. Holiday homework, sent down to lose, not a word is willing to write.
Moreover, the daughter does not leave the mobile phone all day, the network golden sentence is more slippery than anyone, what "Barbie Q", "the little hand of fortune pays attention to it", a mouth is this tone.
After her mother came back, she tutored her to write homework, she was very reluctant, her mother controlled her time to play with her mobile phone, and she lost her temper every day. The mother said to the grandmother: "If the child plays with the mobile phone like this, it will be ruined." ”
Grandma said, "I'm so old, I'm tired of taking care of her every day, eating and drinking Lasa, and I can't manage so much else." Girls' families, love to play, read badly to go to work, the future marriage is counted. ”
The mother listened, simply did not know what to say, this is the way the old man manages the child, eat and wear warm and completely free. Although it is a good thing to help bring children, there are some "fake dolls" in the grandmother circle, which ostensibly help to bring children, but in fact, they are "pit dolls are not shallow".
☆ The elderly dote on the child, let the child's personality grow, and the behavior is deviated.
In the past, most of us believed that the elderly doted on children because of "intergenerational relatives". The old man treats his grandson better than his own children, that kind of thoughtfulness, the feeling of being afraid of melting in his mouth and holding it in his hand for fear of falling, parents are ashamed of themselves when they see it.
We have always believed that the elderly have a natural sense of superiority, a condescending feeling, but we did not expect that it was inferiority and that the self did not feel good. Instantly found that the old man is actually not easy, worried that the grandson does not need himself, but also worried about the son and daughter-in-law to give their own face, but also in the middle of two sides.
In fact, the elderly still have a compensatory psychology, believing that the living conditions in the early years are not good and they owe their children. Now that the conditions are better, we must be kind to our grandson, which is to make up for the regrets of the past.
The elderly in our family often recall the past, saying how bad the past was, this generation must not be able to eat without food, clothing and warmth, otherwise the body will be wronged.
With the elderly with children, how should parents reduce the impact of coddling?
In view of the reasons why the elderly dot on children, we should find corresponding coping strategies to reduce the impact of the elderly doting on children.
First, let the elderly feel needed
The elderly are actually older children, their behavior and children are very imaginative, they need to be respected, need to have a sense of belonging, and desire to be needed. If we make a fuss about this, I believe that the elderly will correct their identity and no longer feel inferior.
Before letting the elderly take the children, it is necessary to make a clear division of labor with the elderly.
In terms of time, the day is completely managed by the elderly, the night is the responsibility of the parents, and the time spent with the child is in an equal relationship. On weekends, the whole family brings the kids together and enjoys the fun.
Materially, the elderly are willing to buy toys and clothes for children, but the premise is that they do not want what children want to buy, have moderation, only buy what they need, and do not waste extravagantly.
Emotionally, often ask the elderly to recall the past, ask some questions, praise the special features of the elderly, so that the elderly feel that their experience is very valuable, after all, the bridge you have walked is more than the road you have walked.
Second, make your position clear to the elderly
The difference is mainly the difference between the old and new education methods, and to make the elderly realize that education is more suitable for children now, we must adopt a new type of education instead of an old-fashioned education. Of course, the elderly hope that the child will have a good development in the future, and after realizing his problems, he will change.
For example, you can find some parenting programs and watch them with the elderly, so that the elderly can learn new parenting concepts. Most of the old people are now knowledgeable and reasonable people, and they can understand it at a glance.
If the school holds a parent-teacher conference, it should be held again at home after the meeting, so that everyone knows the spirit of the meeting and does not have to worry about the elderly dragging their feet.
Finally, develop a parenting plan with the elderly
After understanding the concept, work with the elderly to develop a parenting plan suitable for their children, make a good agreement, and the elderly can better implement it.
For example, let the children do their own things, let the elderly supervise the children's health habits, resolutely stop the child's bad behavior from being tolerated, and not let the child watch cartoons at will.
We may give our children early education, which cannot be performed when they are not at home, and can be entrusted to the elderly. For example, if you want your child to listen to the audio and grind your ears, let the elderly help open it on time. If you want to read picture books to your children, prepare picture books and let the elderly accompany your children to read them. If the elderly have talents, they can also teach them to children.
It is 2022, as long as we communicate well with the elderly, I believe that the elderly can be reasonable, overcome their own psychological obstacles, think about the future of the children, and no longer spoil the children too much.
Interactive topic: Is your child brought by the elderly or by yourself, and are there any difficulties encountered in taking the baby?
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