Kobayashi still has a month to go to take the middle school entrance examination, and her father and mother are very nervous. Every day when they come home, they can't help but ask: How many days is the exam? Are you ready for everything you need? How's the review going? Were you careless when you did the question?
At first, Kobayashi was able to answer patiently, but Mom and Dad asked the same question for several days in a row, asking it again when they got home, asking it again during meals, and asking it before going to bed. Kobayashi gradually lost patience, and she finally couldn't help but explode: "Don't say it again! How many times do you repeat that! Annoying!" Then he hid in his room and quickly closed the door, leaving his parents with a stunned look.
Although Kobayashi's parents are well-intentioned, they are too nagging, not only did not help the child, but also added to her troubles. In reality, there are many parents who like to nag their children, and they also have some common characteristics.
First, nagging parents always repeat the same problem or thing. Some parents' first words when their children come home are: "Do you have more homework today?" Did you write homework at school?" After eating, repeatedly urge the child to write homework. After the children have finished their homework, they tirelessly urge them to hurry up and wash up and sleep. Day after day, a habit is formed.
Secondly, nagging parents like to complain and blame their children, and there are more negative emotions. It is precisely because the child's performance makes them dissatisfied, parents will repeatedly remind the child. The words they often hang on their lips are: "You are always so grinding and rubbing, you are always so unrecognizable, you are always not serious." "If the child resists, they will be even more angry.
Finally, nagging parents seem to be unable to control their nagging behavior, and even preach to their children regardless of the occasion or time. They don't realize that nagging has become a way for them to educate their children. At home, in public, in front of others, as long as you see the shortcomings of your child, you have to count them down. Moreover, they did not feel that there was anything wrong with their behavior, thinking that they were all for the good of the child.
But can nagging education really help children? The answer is no. Studies have shown that nagging parents can have a lot of negative effects on their children.
Parents who often nag are actually setting up a pattern of behavior for their children. If children live in this environment for a long time, they are easily affected invisibly, unconsciously repeating their parents' patterns, and may use the same method of communication for their partners and children when they grow up.
Parental nagging can also make children feel powerless. Excessive attention, frequent dissatisfaction and accusations from adults to children can weaken children's self-confidence and self-care ability. Children will feel that they need their parents to worry about everything, and they can't do anything well, and it is easy to form a dependence on their parents.
Parents often nagging is also easy to cause children's rebellious psychology. Nagging parents mostly only pay attention to their children's shortcomings and deficiencies, but rarely see their children's growth and progress, and even less encouragement and appreciation. Children often feel insecure in the nagging of their parents, resulting in inexplicable anxiety and fear, once they can't bear it, they will rise up and resist, quarrel with their parents, cold war, and even run away from home, resulting in a deterioration of parent-child relationship.
Nagging parents are difficult to change because they focus on their children and don't think about finding reasons from themselves.
Psychologists believe that there is a certain relationship between nagging and a person's psychological state. After reaching a certain age, people's nervous system self-control ability is reduced, and they always can't help but think of what to say. In particular, some elderly women or people who can't hide their words themselves like to nag.
Nagging parents are insecure in their hearts, they are always worried that they have not explained clearly, afraid that their children will make mistakes. If they are more demanding of detail and have a stronger desire for control, this tendency will be more pronounced. They let their anxiety be relieved and diverted by nagging, and their negative emotions are also released in this way, but it will only affect the person being nagged.
Parents are always nagging at their children, which also reflects from the side that they do not know how to communicate better with their children. This is the only way they can immerse themselves in the world of self-expression while ignoring the child's feelings. They have no better way to improve the situation at hand, so they repeat their grievances through compulsive spoken language.
If a parent accidentally becomes a nagging family, there are a few ways to change it.
The first is to focus on yourself and give yourself more love. When you want to nag, first exercise restraint to understand what your feelings are and where the root causes of those feelings are, and don't transfer the negative emotions caused by other people because of other things to the child.
The second is to learn to relax and let go. Trust your children, who are capable of dealing with their own problems. Don't interfere too much in your child's affairs, maybe they didn't do well at first, but growing up requires a process. Children occasionally behave badly, it is not a big deal, give the child more time and patience, tolerance, each other is better.
Third, when communicating with children, we must learn to talk about things, do not always turn over old accounts, and do not label children. Parents can also try to learn to use other ways to communicate with their children, the way of reasoning does not work, you can read to your children, take your children to participate in labor, maybe the effect will be better.
Parents always think about their children and want to make their children better. But too much nagging not only has no effect, but also affects the parent-child relationship and adversely affects the child. Parents should keep their mouths shut and not let things backfire because of inappropriate educational methods.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.