Author | There are books and martial arts small five
Source | There is a book (ID: youshucc)
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Yang Gun Gun
Agree with this passage:
"Accustomed to looking for yourself in the eyes of others, the result is dazed;
Amplify yourself from the praise of others, and the results flutter;
Twist yourself in the discussion of others, and the result is faint. ”
At present, many people believe in "planting more flowers and less thorns", and dare not or are unwilling to pick faults for others, so it is often futile to expect outsiders to "see a doctor" for themselves.
To discover your own problems, you also need to look inward and learn to "see a doctor" for yourself.
Only those who learn to "see a doctor" for themselves will not be vain and beautiful, not hidden evil, and have a sober and accurate understanding of themselves.
The growth of life is a process of constantly "seeing a doctor" for yourself, and no one has replaced it.
As the old saying goes:
"No one is a sage, and no one can be blameless."
Everyone has their own flaws and faults, and the important thing is not this, but your attitude towards them.
Whether it is often introspective and good at discovering and correcting, or choosing to turn a blind eye and put all the responsibility on others.
Netizen @ Lao Le has told about his friend's son Xiao Xiao.
Not long ago, Xiao Xiao attended a high school reunion and was very depressed when she returned.
Because another classmate who attended the party was doing investment management in a foreign company, he had a considerable income and excellent popularity.
He said that his classmate's father has always been engaged in the financial industry, has been influenced since he was a child, and will inherit the family business in the future.
Then, he began to complain about his life: everything had to be fought for by himself, the emotional intelligence was not high, the speech was not popular, and he was influenced by his mother...
In fact, Xiao Xiao graduated from 985 University with a bachelor's degree in architecture, from his elementary school to high school, his parents' life revolved around him.
After graduating from college, he found a job in a real estate development company, every day from nine to five, smooth and comfortable.
Eight hours away, he brushed dramas and played games, and his days did not make much difference.
He habitually envied others, and then blamed his dissatisfaction on his parents and original family.
In this regard, Xiao Xiao's father was very depressed and said to outsiders: "My son still refuses to be responsible for himself." ”
Obviously, Xiao Xiao is a person who is not good at finding his own faults.
He attributed his problems to the environment, without knowing how to self-reflect and find the reasons in himself.
Someone said, "If everyone could advance their introspection by decades, at least half of them could become great people." ”
This sentence can reflect the significance of reflection for a person's growth, talent, and success.
The French philosopher Montaigne said:
"Knowing one's ignorance, judging one's own ignorance, condemning one's own ignorance, this is not total ignorance;
Total ignorance is ignorance that does not know its own ignorance. ”
In the same way, a person's greatest sorrow is not that there is something wrong with himself, but that he does not know that there is something wrong with him.
Only when a person is good at self-examination, discovering faults in time, and working hard to change, can life be stable and far-reaching.
Liang Ning, a famous product person, once said:
"Emotions are a person's underlying operating system.
What drives a person is his emotions, his underlying operating system. ”
In the adult world, whatever emotion is fatal.
If a person can't see his emotional illness and can't consciously control his emotions, he will only let himself plant his head, touch the mold, and suffer.
One year, Microsoft had a project worth nearly $100 million in South America that needed to be taken care of.
Bill Gates understood that several of the newly hired managers were capable of the task, and he was just thinking about who would be more appropriate to hand over.
At this time, Patrick was the first to take the initiative to come to the office to say that he was the most suitable candidate.
Although Bill Gates believed in Patrick's abilities, he asked Patrick curiously:
"Why were you not positive at all at last week's project meeting?"
Patrick explains:
"Last week, I was in a bad mood and didn't want to do anything.
But this time is different, everything is handled well, I have full confidence, you can rest assured. ”
Patrick thought the project was his fault, but Bill Gates believed that the project was about the future of the company, and how could someone who was so emotionally unstable be reassured.
Eventually, Bill Gates handed the project over to another manager.
Patrick is no worse than others, but the problem is that he can't control his emotions very well.
There is a term in psychology called "emotional intelligence", which refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions.
People who cannot recognize and control emotions are "emotionally incompetent".
Emotions are not the whole of our lives, but they can affect our life direction, quality of life and happiness index.
What is most important in a lifetime? There is nothing but career, family, health, and bad emotions can easily destroy these important things and destroy the whole life.
As the saying goes:
"If you control your emotions, you control your behavior; if you control your behavior, you control your life."
Stable emotions are not only the standard for an adult, but also the pattern of great things.
I like this sentence:
"A person needs a window to see the outside world, a mirror to see his own heart.
The window sees the brightness outside, and the mirror sees its own inadequacy. ”
With the mirror of "self-examination", a person can improve his realm, achieve a clear mind, and continue to achieve a better self.
Knowing how to find the reason from oneself is not only a kind of wisdom for people to deal with the world, but also a top cultivation.
Mr. Pei Rong, a master of traditional Chinese studies, is not only knowledgeable, but also an eloquent speaker.
He was invited by CCTV to give a lecture on "The Wisdom of Mencius" at the "Hundred Tribunes", which was recognized by many scholars and audiences.
However, who would have thought that Mr. Fu Peirong had stuttered and was often regarded as a laughing stock.
But instead of blaming those who ridiculed him, he worked tirelessly to overcome the problem of stuttering, and eventually became a well-respected orator.
Talking about the experience of being ridiculed, Fu Peirong said:
"If you have shortcomings, others will laugh at you, instead of worrying all day long to prevent others from laughing at you, it is better to work hard to improve yourself." 」
It is precisely because of the experience of not being good at expressing myself that I cherish every opportunity to speak. ”
Truly cultivated people never blame others. They do not complain about the sky, they do not distinguish themselves, they bow down to introspect, and constantly correct themselves.
Psychologists divide human values into two categories, one is called "weak values" and the other is called "strong values".
The two values actually embody two different cultivations.
People who hold "weak values" and habitually ask "why" when they encounter problems:
Why do others have a good life and look down on me?
I was already fine, so why am I sick?
The conditions are similar, why can others be promoted, I stand still?
These people look outward, only complain, blame, and resentment in their hearts, and they certainly cannot experience success and happiness.
People who hold "strong values" will ask "why" when they encounter questions:
Why is this happening, and what's the problem?
Is it a subjective cause, or an objective reason?
If it is a subjective reason, is it that their IQ is not good, or that their emotional intelligence and reverse quotient are not good...
These people have their eyes turned inward, more than reflection, analysis, adjustment, improvement, they will try to overcome difficulties, get out of the haze, and finally embrace happiness and happiness.
Being able to see the "faults" in yourself is the beginning of going to excellence.
I've seen a little story like this.
There was a man who was always very distressed, and when he heard that the Buddha could eliminate all suffering, he put his bag on his back and went to find the Buddha.
After listening to his words, the Buddha said to him, "The only thing that can really help liberate you is yourself." ”
But the man asked incomprehensibly, "But it is I who am full of distress and confusion in my heart." ”
The Buddha smiled and said, "If you think about it, who put the distress and confusion in your heart into it?" ”
The man meditated for a long time and did not speak.
The Buddha went on to say, "Whoever put it in, let him take it out." ”
Looking at the smiling Buddha, the distressed person finally understands that his suffering is nothing more than a senseless attachment of his own, and that he can only rely on himself to demand liberation in the end.
It is better to rely on heaven and earth than on yourself.
There is a saying that a doctor may be able to help us cure diseases, but it cannot help us strengthen our physique; doctors can guide us out of the shadows, but they cannot keep us away from pain.
Yes, whether it is physical or psychological, the best doctor will always be yourself, and the person who really understands you will always be yourself.
Ordinary people like you and me, no one can reach the realm of a saint, and everyone will have such and such a problem in their bodies.
However, the wisdom of Zeng Zi's "three provinces and my body" is a compulsory course in life, and it is worth learning and practicing in our lifetime.
Learn to "see a doctor" for yourself, in order to continue to be upward and good, away from troubles and sorrows, so that people can operate from time to time.
Click "Watching" and encourage your friends.
Author | There are books and martial arts small five
Typography | Zheng to the north
音乐 | Roger St. Denis - New Beginnings