People will always encounter difficulties in their lives, all kinds of situations.
To sum up, there are actually three kinds of situations that we encounter in the world:
Things, others and egos.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="7" >1 Who is that person in your mind? </h1>
First, something happens, a problem arises, how do you solve it?
This is something we encounter every day, and every day there are new things happening and new problems.
When you encounter some problems and can't solve them yourself, what should you do?
At this time, you need someone to help you solve the problem. You will have this person in your mind, as long as he is there, you don't have to worry, worry, worry.
Who is this person?
He could be your parent, partner, or relative, friend, teacher...
That's why I say that people need really good friends, partners, and teachers, and at critical moments, they can be your backers and make you rely on them.
You might say, where is it so easy to have such a good person?
Indeed, the relationship between people is actually mutual, whether it is parents and brothers, or husband and wife friends, no exception.
If you just ask for something from others and you don't give back at all, who wants to help you all the time?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="169" >2 Fate, Fate and Fate</h1>
Therefore, you usually have to pay attention to three aspects:
First, get together.
When people know each other, sometimes it is an opportunity that is difficult to create reluctantly; therefore, when you know, you must be happy, called broad friendship.
Think about it, in the long river of time, in a space as large as the earth, among hundreds of millions of people, you can appear in the same place at the same time, which is really a great fate.
Therefore, you work, live, and relax every day, you may wish to meet some new friends, including the person who shares your intentions, and will establish a deep relationship in the future.
Second, pity.
Good fortune is rare, so know how to cherish it.
What is cherishing fate?
It is that you have established a deep relationship with him, and there is some connection between the lives of two people.
When one party needs something, the other is willing to spend time, energy, and material resources to help him; when the two sides are at odds, they are willing to make some compromises.
Therefore, in a good relationship, you must not be completely self-centered. Everything depends entirely on me, so what is the reason?
Third, follow fate.
Life is like a voyage, although traveling in the same boat can send warmth to each other, the voyage is over, and it must go their separate ways.
At this time, I had to go with the flow.
In life, the extinction of dependent origins is a very normal thing, and there is no need to think about it.
Similarly, when you have a problem and ask for help, you don't have to be forced.
Others can help as long as they can, and if they can't help, don't force it, I'm afraid that your own efforts are not enough, so you have to go with it.
From these three aspects, you can harvest many important relationships in life, and these relationships will become your backing and help you face the problems in the real world.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="170" >3 It is easy to deal with things, but it is difficult to deal with people</h1>
Second, the situation is more complicated, and we encounter not one thing, but a person's problem.
Man is different from things, man is a subject, just like you and me.
Why are people's problems more complicated?
Because we usually ignore the subjectivity of others and treat him as a "it", called "it" in English.
Treating man as a thing, like a table, a chair, sees only his instrumentality, not his subjectivity.
You will find that it is easy to deal with things, and it is difficult to deal with "personnel", which is called "easy to deal with things, difficult to deal with people".
So, when encountering the problem of "personnel", what should we do?
At this time, what we need is a word called "sincerity".
The so-called "insincerity is nothing", if it is not sincere, it is completely hypocritical; the so-called "sincerity is the heart, the golden stone is open", that is, the power of sincerity is very large.
Therefore, I take "sincerity" as a basic condition for my dealings with others.
When you face others with sincerity, this person is not only an instrumental attribute in your mind, but his subjectivity is revealed.
You respect his subjectivity, and when he feels it, he will echo you with the same sincere attitude.
In such an interaction, for anyone, unnecessary troubles are avoided.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="171" >4 Sincerity does not equal dead brain</h1>
You will question, what is so ideal in reality?
You are sincere with him, he is not sincere with you, is not still useless?
In this regard, we may wish to refer to the wisdom of Confucianism.
According to the Confucian view, there are three principles of human interaction:
The inner feelings should be sincere; the other party should expect to communicate; and social norms should be observed.
If others are not sincere with you, it means that the other party does not expect you to "treat each other with sincerity" and "do not conspire with each other when the tao is different", you don't need to worry much, everything is "official" in accordance with social norms.
This is also a sincere principle.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="172" >5 Live with yourself</h1>
The third, it is more difficult, that is, when you face yourself, you encounter a problem, what to do?
We say that things are a "problem," that others are "subjects," and that the ego is a "mystery."
How do I live with this mystery?
My idea is to ask for peace of mind and to keep fighting.
The essence of life is very wonderful, you blindly rush forward, and in the end you may find yourself in the middle of nowhere;
But if you are content with reality, without waiting for others to criticize, you will blame yourself, too unexperienced.
How do we balance peace of mind with growth?
In fact, when it comes to growth, we definitely don't just put it in the standards of real society to measure.
How much do you want to make? How big an official do you have to be? This doesn't necessarily represent true growth. You can pursue, but don't get lost in it.
The real growth is to reflect on whether you are making progress every day.
I remember when I was studying at Yale, Mr. Yu Yingshi told me a word.
He said that no matter how busy he was, he had to read a little book and learn something new every day.
Therefore, as an authority in contemporary historiography, he is not a fluke.
Learning something new every day sounds simple, but it's actually not easy. That's what you ask of yourself.
When I live with myself, I tell myself to keep fighting, keep improving, keep developing, and then I can feel at ease.
The peace of the human heart is not on a static level, but in a dynamic process, which is a very interesting point.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="173" >6 Often ask yourself "What do you rely on?" ”</h1>
So, when you have a problem in your life, always ask yourself: "What do you rely on?" ”
Life has encountered tests, how can I get through it?
I rely on my parents, my partners and friends, my classmates and teachers.
When I interact with others, what do I rely on?
What I rely on is: sincerity in my heart, sincerity in people.
When I have my own problems, what do I rely on?
What I rely on is a kind of knowledge of myself, of what I am after in this life.
Many times life is lived in a natural way, as if I do what everyone does, which is of course right. But if you only go with the flow, you will lose yourself.
Therefore, always be sober about what I really want, what I really want, what I really pursue, and at the critical moment, you can discern the direction of life.