Text / Kaforniay
Recently, clients have consulted their husbands about their parenting issues.
"My husband has a bad parent-child relationship.
He's not too macho, he's not that gentle type, maybe he doesn't like children very much. My son plays with him, and my husband doesn't play with the child like a child, he will play very seriously until the child cries.
For example, he is looking at the mobile phone, the child pounces on it, he will throw the child out with one hand, the child grabs his mobile phone, he will push it away. He closes his eyes and does not take the initiative to tease children to play and learn.
When I was a child, I was terrified when I played with my children.
Ten months to the child swing, no hand support, pushed to the child two or three meters high, I am afraid that the child upside down onion hurt the head, scold him a meal, he is very unhappy to take the child.
Sometimes it will be harder and fiercer, and the child will force him to do it until he does not listen to him, causing the child to be more pro-me and very afraid of his father.
I think it's not that he doesn't love children, or that he doesn't get along with them in the right way. I sometimes say that he is more irritable, scolding is what I am used to, it must be that I say behind my back that dad is very fierce, don't provoke him. How can I make the parent-child relationship between dad and child better? ”
First, why does the father have a bad relationship with the child?
1. Natural closeness
First of all, the father is not pregnant in October, feels the fetal movement, and once the child is born, the natural closeness to the child is far less than that of the mother.
Coupled with the fact that men's emotional communication part is slightly weaker than that of women, traditional culture will make the role of father a little harsh and faceless.
2. Parenting problems
Whether the relationship between father and child is good or not, the key lies in how the mother teaches.
Widely recognized by educators and psychologists is that the relationship between husband and wife, such as the first family relationship, the parent-child relationship should not be above the husband and wife relationship.
Judging from the two examples said by the visitor, it is a typical example of the more important parent-child relationship than the conjugal relationship. Children are taught to be the boss of their own families and are not established with a sense of boundaries.
The most important thing in the family is the division of labor and cooperation. The husband is busy and stressful, and it is hard to work outside, and the wife can be slightly more responsible at home.
The visitor feels that the child is still young and does not understand things, and you put the child above everything, far higher than the position of the husband in your heart. It is not right to blindly protect the child and blame the husband.
If he has been educating his children and conniving at his children's disrespect for his father, his inner love for his children will only become less and less, and the relationship between husband and wife will be deeply affected.
3. Communicate with your husband about education
When he is not properly educated, the client chooses to get angry, scold him, and then reduce the chances of letting her husband take the children. But when the child is older, and accuses him of not being humble to let the child and will not play with the child, is this not a paradox?
People need positive feedback, and certain behaviors will continue to develop. Anything you do will be condemned, and you will only want to do it more and more.
Dad is usually busy at work, in the limited parent-child companionship time, you should do a good job of bridges, pull into the parent-child distance, family relationship can be more stable.
If the husband's method of educating the child is not right, you can communicate with the husband privately afterwards, put forward some ideas or opinions, and should never deny him in front of the child.
Second, what will happen to children who are closer to their fathers in the future?
What role does the father play in the growth of the child? Why do children tend to be more clingy to their mothers?
Many children commented to their mothers: "Beautiful, serious, wash my clothes every day, make me food, help me with homework." "But when it comes to writing about their own dads, many children don't know how to write.
Even if you write, most children write: "I like to play games with my mobile phone, I like to smoke and drink, and I always like to scold me." ”
A father has unique male traits, such as strong, decisive, resolute, strong, etc., which have a decisive impact on the growth of children, and the father is not only a person, a symbol, but also a symbol.
Studies have shown that children who are more intimate with their fathers will obviously have some personality traits:
Independent and adventurous
Children love challenges and are not afraid of danger
Parke, a child psychologist, points out that dads prefer to play intense sports with their children, such as wrestling, running or rock climbing, which are full of adventure. Under the influence of male hormones, dads will be more adventurous and more energetic in behavior.
Third, how can dads accompany their children with high quality?
1. Try not to miss every "first" of your child's
From the beginning of pregnancy, you can try to make the role of the father have a sense of participation, praise the father more, support the father more, so that he can be full of a sense of accomplishment in every first time he participates in the growth of the child.
2, often in front of the child to affirm the father
In the days when the child's father is not often with the child, the mothers have to tell the child what kind of a person their father is in life, and shape the role of the father in the child's heart, so that they feel that their father is a friend and a partner, and they are the most important relatives in life as the mother.
If you grew up in an atmosphere where your parents quarreled and were often asked by your mother to take sides, your child would definitely not kiss his father.
3. Routine guidance
Finally, i would like to share a short story from another visitor:
My husband is a person who does not like children very much, so from the beginning of my daughter learning to speak, I first taught how to call My Father, teach my daughter to hug my father every day, kiss my father's face, and my father will say goodbye to my father when I go out.
On the husband's side, he often guides him to buy some toys for his daughter, and the daughter will like it very much, and ask the daughter in front of her husband: "Who bought these toys for you?" The daughter would hold her father and say, "My father bought it, thank you dad." The husband will be super accomplished, often buying toys for his daughter (just bought a huge car today, and the father and daughter play very well together).
Want the husband to pay more parental investment in the child, love the child more, as a mother must guide the child to love the father first, respect the father, so that the father has a sense of participation in parenting, a sense of achievement.
If my husband is tired at work, I will tell my son to be quiet and not to disturb my father. So now every time he gets up or does something, he quietly gets up and gets dressed and goes to play.
I will also continue to instill in him: Dad is very hard at work, we must be considerate of Dad, grateful for Dad, love Dad. Say to Dad every day: Dad is hard.
And will tell the child: sometimes the father beat him to educate him, criticize him, are all manifestations of love for him. Dad loved him the most.
—— Author of today ——
Kaforniay
-Featured image- From the network
-Editor- Lin Jiayin
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