Author: Creative Group Suye
Some people say that the greatest sorrow of Chinese parents is to give everything but cannot raise grateful children.
Remembering a previous news, Mr. Chai of Chengdu begged the majority of netizens on Weibo to let his 18-year-old daughter return 3.2 million yuan so that he could continue to live.
It turned out that after Mr. Chai divorced, he always felt indebted to his daughter, so he usually asked for her daughter. In 2017, my daughter got the opportunity to study in Canada, and Mr. Chai was very happy. He got a bank card for his daughter, deposited 3.2 million yuan, and told her to transfer money to her every month from now on.
To his surprise, his daughter went to Canada with a bank card and enjoyed a luxurious life in Canada. Mr. Chai's decades of savings in China were looted by his daughter, and his life was difficult to sustain.
He begged his daughter on WeChat to return the money or he would die. The daughter was unmoved and directly blacked him out. This child, spoiled by his parents, did not have the slightest sense of gratitude.
There is a sentence in "Special Cruelty and Special Love": "The love that Chinese parents give to their children is not too little, but too much." ”
Too much love makes children numb, and the hardships and sacrifices of parents are a small thing that is taken for granted. They do not feel the pain of their parents at all, and only care about whether they are happy or not.
Parents who give wholeheartedly reap the rewards of their children's ruthlessness
Previously, a 23-year-old Spanish student's report of publicly insulting his parents was on the hot search, causing an uproar among netizens.
The language posted on the Internet was extremely vicious, and she called her father "old guy" and mocked her mother as a "mad pig", which was more vulgar than the vulgar words.
Could it really be that her parents had done something intolerable to her? The further exposure of the matter is even more chilling.
It turned out that the father received a credit card overseas consumption bill and asked about his daughter's expenses. And I hope that the child can control the consumption at about 10,000 yuan, which can alleviate their own pressure.
In the chat history, Dad did not have a trace of irritation. From gentle inquiries, patient explanations, long-hearted exhortations to helpless pleas, every word is careful.
"Dad is not arguing with you, he hopes that you will understand things and understand that dad is not easy."
"Dad is 51 years old, he's old."
And the child who talked to him was full of momentum, the tone was tired and cold, and there was no understanding and apology at all.
"I use it before the bank transfer arrives, it's all an emergency."
"That's it, goodbye."
"It's not easy for me either, I can't not eat."
Ten thousand yuan really can't eat in Spain? A student who was also studying in Spain told the truth. He said that without saving, his monthly expenses were equivalent to about 4,000 yuan.
It can be seen that it is not that ten thousand yuan is not enough for the basic expenses of life, but that girls have become accustomed to their parents' efforts for themselves. She believes that her parents should pay her bills for granted, and if they can't do so, it is not because of her profligacy, but because of their incompetence.
Parents give wholeheartedly, do not ask their children for equal returns, but only for a considerate and understanding. As everyone knows, in exchange for the child's condemnation and insult, ruthless treatment.
That sentence pierces the parents like a sword, as Shakespeare wrote in King Lear:
The ungrateful children are more painful than the sharp teeth of a poisonous snake.
The best love is not selfless, but mutual
On March 28, a video of a "3-year-old boy standing on a stool taking care of a vegetative father" appeared on Weibo's hot search.
Only to see the video, the little boy standing on a stool, after struggling to stand up, put his small hand to his father lying on the bed, want to help his father, and straighten his head.
After the release of this video with only 16 seconds, it received the attention of netizens. When everyone understands the story behind the video, it is even more tearful.
Dad, who was lying in bed, became a vegetative person two years ago due to illness and lost the ability to take care of himself. Usually, my mother has to work, and my grandfather and grandmother help take care of it. On that day, the old man was just outside the house, and the child saw his father's head tilted to the side of the bed, and he wanted to help his father straighten out.
"He said he couldn't swing." Mom was heartbroken when she saw the video taken by the camera. In an interview with reporters, the mother said that the son looks at the process of the family taking care of the father in the eyes, and will learn to take care of the father like the family.
Moreover, the two children in the family are very sensible. The 10-year-old daughter will also help the family take care of her younger brother, bathe her brother, and coax her younger brother to sleep.
Of course, this father's situation is a minority in life, but the love that flows between parents and children makes us feel very warm. A family, with love to lay the foundation, will have infinite cohesion. Whether we are in adversity or good times, this cohesion makes us happy.
Parents spend their hearts and minds to take care of their children and raise them to grow up; children do their best to care for their parents when they need help and care.
As the Italian poet Dante Alighieri said: Love, always reciprocal.
If parents blindly pay for their children and let their children give and take, such selfless love is harmful to children. It will make the child lose gratitude, and the child will become more and more numb, thinking that parents should do anything for themselves.
Educator Makarenko said: "Everything is given to the children, at the expense of everything, even at the expense of one's own happiness." This is the most terrible gift a parent can give to a child. ”
In the process of raising children, let us tell children that parents also need your love.
The best love is not selflessness, it is mutual.
Raising a grateful child is the greatest blessing for a family
Educator Vonnasky said: "What a child becomes depends on the parents to shape." ”
If you want your child to grow up to be a grateful person, parents should cultivate their children when they are young. As the author of "You are the best toy for children" said, the family is the starting point of a person's sense of gratitude, and parents are the best candidates to cultivate a sense of gratitude in children.
There should be a sense of boundaries between parents and children
In many of our families, there is this phenomenon. We can clearly demarcate boundaries with other families, but we have no boundaries in dealing with our relationship with our children.
Everything in the family is shared, parents are extremely willing to help their children deal with things, children make free requests to their parents, and "one family does not speak two languages" has become a consensus of everyone.
However, this blurring of boundaries will make the child lack independent consciousness and self-awareness, and he will slowly feel that he and his parents are inseparable from each other. Parents have the obligation to do everything in their power to help with all their desires and ideas; likewise, they are accustomed to the phenomenon of excessive involvement of parents in their own lives.
Psychologists have found that around the age of two, the child's self-awareness and boundary consciousness have begun to awaken.
From the age of two, "who has the right to use things", "to use other people's things must be approved by others", "do their own things", parents can consciously cultivate their children's sense of boundaries.
Cultivating a sense of boundaries can allow children to gradually understand that the love of parents is selfless and has boundaries. In this way, when they grow up, they can better distinguish between their own and their parents' life issues and walk their own lives independently.
Parents should be willing to use their children and have the courage to show weakness to their children
Friend Kobayashi has a 12-year-old boy, every time Kobayashi posts photos of her children in the circle of friends, friends find that her son is either holding a bag or carrying water, while her mother Kobayashi is empty-handed and beautifully posing for photos.
Everyone asked Kobayashi about the way of godson, and Kobayashi said that her education method is two tricks.
First, from an early age, you are willing to let your children work. As long as the child can do what she can, she will encourage the child to do, even if it is not good at the beginning, she does not criticize, but tells the child how to do it better.
Second, have the courage to show weakness to children. She wouldn't feel ashamed to tell her child that her mother couldn't do it. Sometimes, when she says she can't do it and the child does it, the child gets particularly excited.
So when I go out, the child will always say: Mom, I am also a member of the family, let me take it.
Parents who are willing to use their children to improve their children's self-care ability, and parents who have the courage to show weakness to their children inspire their children's responsibility and independence.
Willing to use children, children can become a big instrument.
Pay attention to daily gratitude moments and exercise your child's ability to feel love and give back
American psychology professor Andrea Hussong believes that we should train our ability to perceive the good in the same way that we exercise physical muscles.
Moments of gratitude are everywhere in our daily lives, but most of the time we choose to ignore them. Expressing gratitude to relatives is a shameful thing in the consciousness of many people, but in fact, gratitude for daily life is the best opportunity to exercise children to feel love and give back love.
When the mother prepares meals for the whole family, thank her for her efforts; when the father repairs the broken things in the house, thank him for his spiritual ingenuity; when the children express love to the parents, give them a warm hug and tell them that their parents love him.
Attach importance to love, feel love, give back love, sow a seed of gratitude in the heart of children, and thrive under the watering of love.
Write at the end
Psychotherapist M. Scott Pike said that true love is not simply giving, but also includes appropriate rejection, timely praise, decent criticism, appropriate argument, necessary encouragement, gentle comfort and effective supervision.
Let us give our children more true love in the process of raising children and raise a child who knows how to be grateful.
May parents in the world be treated tenderly by their children and harvest a considerate and caring in their twilight years.
Dream leaf, a lifelong writer, use words to talk about education, write about life, and grow up with you. New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy) transmits the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.