In order to increase the readability of the account, study notes are released on Saturdays, Sundays, and holidays. (The content of the notes comes from: books, official accounts, Zhihu, Weibo, paid communities, does not represent personal views)
1, the child is a seed
I think that we not only overestimate the impact of schooling on a child's lifelong happiness and achievement, but we also overestimate the impact of family education on children, which is an important reason for the excessive stress and anxiety we have today as parents.
A child is a seed, not a blank sheet of paper that parents and teachers can smear and shape.
Every life is born with all the wisdom and logic of the entire natural and familial system, possesses its own specific mind, talent, and potential, and has the tendency to achieve the best of its own.
As the turtle master in Kung Fu Panda says, "I can't force a tree to bloom and bear fruit."
No matter what we do, the seeds will eventually grow into peach trees, and we may want apples or oranges, but all we can get is peaches. ”
Education is of course important, but "some people who train him to excel are successful;
Some people train him to be self-sufficient to be successful;
There are also people you can teach him that not going to jail is success. ”
2, family education, is to support the bottom
Don't overestimate the role of education, whether it's homeschooling or schooling.
As parents, we do not need to carry the responsibility of our children's successes and failures, fortunate and unfortunate in their lives.
Believe that children have the motivation, ability, and order to grow internally, and that every life is ultimately self-fulfilling and self-fulfilling.
Whether children can eventually become talented, successful and happy, the parents' education is only one aspect, but also depends on personal talent, understanding, effort, resources, background, and even the times and luck.
And family education, I have always believed that it is to support the bottom, based on helping children become physically and mentally healthy, independent personality, self-reliant, and love life.
Let children in the difficulties of life and the trough of life, still have a power to avoid collapse, believe that the world is worth it, and the years can be expected.
To be able to do this, parents are already very remarkable.
Many problems in the growth of children can only be left to time and left to children to solve by themselves.
Try to keep a normal mind, let us wake up to the first rays of the sunshine of early winter, start a new day, and bloom a better self.
Rather than worrying about how to educate our children better and more successfully every day, we should think more about how we should live.
Each generation lives out their own happiness and excitement, and becomes the person they want to be, which is the best education for their children and the greatest contribution to the family system.
3. The Four Basic Morals of Parents
1. It is not to complain about the child.
Parents complain to their children, the child's heart will become very heavy, which is also a kind of role reversal, that is, to let the child play their own psychological parents.
2. Don't say bad things about your father (mother) to your child.
Saying bad things about the father to the child will deprive the child of the link with the father, causing the child to suppress the need for father's love and become disgusted or despise the father.
3. Don't put your own sense of existence, value, and unfulfilled wishes on your children.
Take care of yourself and respect your child as an independent individual with his own will.
4. Don't ask your child to be grateful.
Asking children to be grateful is essentially a kind of control over children, which will only create a sense of indebtedness for children and will not make the parent-child relationship become intimate.
If parents can really see and respect their children's feelings, children will naturally have a good relationship with their parents.
4) Suffering is not worth pursuing.
There is a passage in "Alive": "Never believe that suffering is worth it."
Suffering is suffering, and suffering does not lead to success.
Suffering is not worth pursuing.
The will is tempered because suffering cannot be avoided. ”
Suffering is suffering, and a good adjective does not change its bad nature.
Why should you be thankful for suffering, you have to thank yourself for surviving suffering.
5. The world, 2 secrets
If you can't learn the same technique, it must be the teacher.
In half my life, I have met many very good teachers.
They teach others, basically just a sentence to click on, very clear.
Many people say something, in the clouds and fog, they can't understand it at all, you can't understand it at all, then you don't listen to it.
Because he doesn't want to tell you.
In the world, most of the little secrets are one-sentence things, especially in the field of social sciences, they write a very thick book, purely for the title.
In the vast world, there are two secrets.
One is technology.
The characteristics are clear standards, right is right, wrong is wrong, such as the pony crossing the river in the primary school Olympiad, and the goose row model in the middle school Olympiad.
This kind of fried fritter technology, as long as you study hard, you can eventually learn.
A good teacher lets you learn in an hour, stupid teacher, lets you learn in three months, and that's it.
Of course, learning is of no use. There will be more people. Not unusual.
The second is wisdom, which is characterized by the absence of standards.
For example, do you hug Daddy Ma's thighs, or do you hug Aunt Zhang's thighs? You don't know.
This is wisdom.
Wisdom often comes from a higher level of understanding.
Just like adults coax children, you are one notch higher than him, reduce the dimensionality of the blow, you will win.
——@Rich Baby