Reading the child: What the child's illness is saying

What is the child's illness saying?

Wen | Zhou Dingwen

Seeing children, not just seeing disease

I believe that most people have been sick, in the process of all kinds of illness, what does the disease want to tell us? What are we going to learn? What is the child's illness saying?

Diseases are not only physical symptoms, but also many other factors, so they need to be understood with a complete perspective. I divide the causes of the disease into several categories: one is life and eating habits, the second is physiological genetic factors, the third is psychological factors, the fourth is personality factors, the fifth is family system factors, the sixth is social collective and ecosystem factors, and the seventh is causal imbalance.

The first two factors, many experts have studied very well, as long as we have the awareness to live, healthy diet, many diseases can be avoided. But strangely enough, even though people's minds know to live consciously and eat healthily, there are still many people who choose unhealthy foods or lifestyles.

In fact, this is also a kind of loyalty to the family, following the family's living and eating habits - such as eating big fish and meat or eating very salty - so that even if it makes people sick, in order to meet the needs of belonging, people will still unconsciously follow. If you don't do the same thing as your family, you will feel guilty. Therefore, in the final analysis, whether it is life and eating habits, physiological genetics, or psychological diseases, they are closely related to the family.

This chapter will be from a holographic perspective, especially from the aspects of psychology, personality, family and family system, social and ecological collective system. After reading it, you will find that these factors have a great impact on children's diseases, especially before the age of 12, which is most affected by the family. It is also the latest area of research by modern systems psychologists, holographic medicine experts and systems alignment experts.

The child's illness is saying "Mom, please see me"

In Germany, there is a child with cerebral palsy, and his mother is running around for his illness, very hard and sad. One day, the child said to his mother, "Mom, please see me, don't just see that I am a child with cerebral palsy." The mother was particularly shocked to hear the child's words. She really only saw the child's illness and completely ignored the child as a person!

Therefore, the mother seriously looked into the child's eyes and said to the child word by word: "Child, you are my child, in my eyes, you are not a patient, you are just my child." After a moment, the child was also relieved.

When a child is sick, ask parents to adjust their own angle and mentality, and do not only see his illness. Also to see the children, to see their souls, their innocence. In this way, the illness will not be magnified, but the whole picture of the child will be truly seen, a complete person. If we see the child step by step from "illness" to "person" to "natural trait", then he is just a living person, a pure person, a person with a pure heart and soul.

At one point I was looking at a child with epilepsy. Before that, his mother had been emphasizing the child's emotional condition and repeatedly mentioning his illness, and I interrupted my mother and asked her, "What else can you see about your child?" "Mom couldn't say it, so I gave her a demonstration.

I faced the children face to face and looked at each other's eyes. We only looked at each other for 10 seconds, but in just 10 seconds, the child was seen and his eyes were red. Seeing and being seen are actually the release of the mind.

The reason why this child was moved was because he knew in his heart that I was "this person" who was finally seen, not my illness. When we can see each other, we can return to the pain of illness and be more considerate and understanding of each other.

Every child, no, everyone, needs to be seen! If not seen, the sense of value of the living person will become lower. So, sincerely look into the eyes of the people around you and let them know, "I see you." ”

The child's illness is saying "I love you, I am willing to accompany you, I am willing to share it for you"

I have observed that many times, a child's illness reflects certain events that occur within the family system. The child does not know how to cope, so it is subconsciously expressed through the body. For example, in a family where there are frequent quarrels, the child sees his parents arguing, and he wants to help his parents reconcile, but he does not know how to do it, so he falls ill.

Because their subconscious mind found that as long as they were sick, their parents would not quarrel. I have met many sick children, and I have found that behind these children's illnesses there is often a voice that wants to be expressed to the parents, reflecting what the family system wants to tell us. Therefore, parents really have to seriously reflect on themselves.

Mr. Wang Yongqing, a famous entrepreneur, built a large children's hospital called Chang Gung Hospital, and they invited me to the hospital for 6 consecutive years to teach children and parents. There is a little girl in a wheelchair in Chang Gung Hospital, she is about 10 years old, she has a cute smile, and she is hospitalized because she suddenly can't walk on her feet.

However, the hospital could not find the reason, and although the medical staff took good care of her, the child still could not leave the wheelchair. What was even stranger was that she had not had any accidents before, nor had she suffered from any major illnesses.

When I tutored this little girl, I found that her inability to walk had something to do with her parents. The little girl's father died when she was very young, but the mother has been reluctant to face the fact that her husband has passed away.

As a result, when encountering any situation in life, my mother's body and mind and even her life were all stopped, and there was no way to go forward, trapped in the low tide. Such emotions accumulate all the way, so that the child can no longer walk.

What is walking? It's going forward! It can be seen that psychological factors can also affect the body. The mother could not accept the death of her husband, and the child could not accept it. The mother can't move forward, and the child wants to help the mother bear it, so he has a "can't go" disease.

I remind my mother that if she can't face the fact that her husband is gone, the family can't move forward, and the children don't dare to act. Inner change takes courage. In the arrangement, the mother has always been reluctant to look at her deceased husband. I asked all the partners in the audience to hold hands and give her a kind of encouragement energy, and my mother was finally willing to accept the death of her husband. She finally released her suppressed emotions.

Just when the mother is willing to face the death of her husband, the child's body also reacts, and she slowly moves forward with our support. Finally, she finally walked to her father's representative and accompanied her mother to face her father's death. You know, before this, the child was never willing to leave the wheelchair - she sat until the mother was willing to see the father, willing to accept the death of the father...

Why is the mother reluctant to express this grief at the loss of her husband? Because if she expresses this sadness, she will let her husband really leave. But this violates the law of fact and the law of flow. The emotions of the whole family are stagnant, as if frozen, and the child unconsciously undertakes this frozen emotion, and eventually gives birth to this physical and mental illness of not being able to walk.

This kind of psychosomatic disorder is often physically impossible to detect the cause. That day, for the first time, my mother truly expressed her sadness at the death of her husband. Her emotions flowed, her wounds began to heal, her life force began to flow again, and the frozen emotions and vitality of her child began to flow.

The illness of a child is a kind of love, a kind of blindly bearable love.

Behind the "hyperactive" child is a home full of quarrels and conflicts

This mother' name is Baoli. She said her son locked himself in his room, didn't talk to anyone, let him out of the room to eat, and he refused. The child's condition has been going on for months, and as a mother, she has been anxious. She even quit her job for her child and stayed at home to take care of him wholeheartedly.

Because his parents worked outside the home for many years, the child was sent to his grandparents' house from the age of 1. The child is about to go to elementary school before being picked up by his parents. After going to school, the child is often criticized by the teacher, has no concentration, and behaves irregularly. As a result, Polaroid was often called to school. At first, the child just skips school, but eventually it turns into a suspension from school at home. In the fifth grade of elementary school, the child was diagnosed by the doctor as "ADHD in children".

After listening to Paulie's account, I asked, "What is the relationship between the child's grandparents and grandparents?" Do you quarrel a lot? ”

"They've always had a bad relationship and often quarrel." Polaroid replied without hesitation.

"And what about your relationship with your husband?"

Hearing this question, Baoli hesitated, and seemed to deliberately avoid it, and it could be seen that she and her husband often quarreled. She explains: "Because of the constant condition of our son, we have been working hard to repair the relationship between husband and wife. ”

The child wants to concentrate, he wants to quiet himself down, but no one allows him to do so. Before going to school, I watched my grandparents quarrel every day and didn't know what to do. After school, it was his parents who quarreled every day, and he was even more overwhelmed. The people in the family are two opposing sides, one moment to listen to Grandma, the other to listen to Grandpa; Mom and Dad are the same, there is no unity and harmony. In this situation, the child can never concentrate.

"What about your husband's original family situation?" Have there been any major incidents? I asked.

"My husband's eldest brother has been staying at home for 16 years and doesn't go out, and my son is now in exactly the same condition as his uncle. My husband's father, the child's grandfather, was adopted. The husband's grandfather, the child's grandfather, was killed by someone else. ”

After understanding the many situations of the original families of the two parents of the child, we arranged the family system to discharge the child, the parents, the uncle, the grandfather, the grandfather, and the perpetrator. During the arrangement, I saw that the children's emotions had been very excited, scared, and shouting. He had always wanted to protect his grandfather and was very afraid of the perpetrators.

Through this arrangement, we see the huge impact of murders in the family on family members. And this family contains a more divisive antagonism, a confrontation between the victim and the perpetrator. Only by eliminating these opposites can we help children maintain a stable mood. Under my guidance, with the reconciliation between the grandfather and the perpetrator, the child's emotions really gradually calmed down and quieted down.

After the arrangement, I gave Paulie some suggestions for reconciliation: "You should accompany your husband and take your son to do something commemorative for the deceased grandfather and the perpetrators, and wish them rest in peace." Also, you should always hold your husband's hand and talk to your son so that he can see his parents standing together from the same direction.

The most important thing is that you must first agree on the discipline of your child, even if you have different opinions at the beginning, you must reach a consensus after discussion, and support this consensus to ensure that you teach your child in the same direction. These harmonious and unified pictures of parents can help children stabilize their emotions and improve their concentration. ”

"Good! I will definitely do it! Polaroid nodded affirmatively.

Two weeks later, the mother wrote a letter to me and my partner who was in class with her at the time. The letter reads:

"Dear family, have a great day! Today, we finally went out with our son! For a long time, my son locked himself in his room, did not go out, did not talk, did not eat, and played with the computer, which made me almost desperate.

However, I never expected that after the course of this workshop, my son actually agreed to go out with us! This came as a surprise to me. Thinking that in the field jointly built by Teacher Zhou and his family, the son (representative) reached a reconciliation with the two parties in the family conflict and the opposing sides of the murder, the emotional son gradually showed a calm and stable mood. It touched me a lot, and I was very touched.

"After my son went out, although he didn't speak, we could feel his inner feelings. Moreover, my son also went with us to see my grandparents. Before the age of 7, he grew up in the constant quarrel between his grandfather and grandmother, he has not seen his grandparents for 8 months, I really did not expect that this time he really agreed to go!

"In my heart, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hold my dad and mom, and today I did. I apologized to my dad and said, 'Dad, I was wrong. In the process of reconciling with my father yesterday, I suddenly found that I no longer hated my father. I was able to hold my mom and I kissed her. Forty years on, I never have. In the past, I always felt like I didn't have a mother..."

NARRATOR: Who is sick in the family

Many family genetic disorders, such as allergic asthma, are not inherited by all children in the family. What kind of people inherit familial diseases?

I found that there are two kinds of people. One is that when you are weak when you are young, but when you grow up, you become a hero in the family; the other is the most loved by the family, get more love from this family, so you also need to bear more for this family. It can be seen that children who inherit family diseases are more loyal to the family and more willing to bear for the family.

In fact, children can connect with the family in different ways than they are sick. They can inherit and connect the good genes of this family in a healthier way.

I have a young trainee, 10 years old, allergic dermatitis, who has been treated, but it is always bad to repeat it over and over again. In the workshop, I guided him through the connection with Dad's merits. I asked her, "What's the good thing about you like your dad?" You want five. ”

She said: "I have the imagination, humor, enthusiasm, popularity, creativity..."

When I finished supporting her case, the treatment that had not progressed for a long time suddenly changed. Under the same treatment plan, in less than two weeks, her dermatitis was much better; after two months, her skin was completely back to normal.

Children will be keenly aware of the situation of the family and reflect it with changes in body and mind. The child's illness is saying, "Our family has violated the laws of life!" ”

What we have to do at this time is not only to relieve the pain or symptoms of the child, but also to see what we need to adjust and what we have to learn as a family.

Only in this way can diseases not be born in obscurity, and the price we suffer and the price we pay become meaningful. If you don't learn it, you may see it next time. True healing means that we are in harmony with the laws of the workings of life, and we are once again walking in harmony with the great power of life.

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The author is Zhou Dingwen, an internationally renowned tutor, the chairman of the Asian System Ranking Conference, the founder of Daoshi Education, the tutor of life education, and an adjunct professor of social psychology at Capital University of Economics and Business. Courses are offered in three parts of the country, as well as in countries such as Singapore and Malaysia, and are committed to helping people face bottlenecks in personal growth, family relations and business organization, and move towards success and happiness.

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