Zhang Ailing said: "If you love someone, you will be humbled to the dust and then blossom." ”
But in my opinion, no matter how much you love someone, don't give up these three things easily.
True self, independent self, and rationality.
You can love someone, but you can't lose yourself for love
Once chatting with a reader, she said: "Do you think I am really stupid, losing myself for a person, and in the end I have not been able to live as he likes."
He likes girls with short hair, so I cut one of my hair short;
He likes to play games, so I stay up all night to play games with him;
He didn't like to hang out, so I stayed at home with him, so I pushed off a lot of friends' dates;
For him, I gave up a lot of things I liked, and forced myself to like a lot of things that I didn't like.
But in the end, we separated on the grounds that he had been together for many years and I had nothing to attract him to.
Listening to this reader's story, I was reminded of a very heartfelt sentence:
You think the worst thing in life is losing the person you love the most. In fact, the worst thing is that you have lost your original self because you love someone too much.
When we love someone, we will constantly change ourselves in order to please the other party, change our dressing habits, living habits, and even deliberately cater to the habits of others, and lose ourselves in compromise again and again.
But you forget that good love is that two people progress and tolerate each other, so that each other feels relaxed and comfortable, rather than blindly compromising and humble for one person.
If a person really loves you, he will love your strengths, tolerate your shortcomings, understand the differences between you, and will not force you to accept his way of life and let you be a truly happy self.
Good love will allow you to see the whole world through one person, while bad love is that you give up the whole world for one person.
If in a relationship, you can't become a better version of yourself, but in this relationship you gradually lose yourself, then it is better to give up and stop the loss in time.
We can seriously love someone, but we must never lose ourselves in love.
In the relationship, you need to have an independent base
Life is lonely, and some roads are destined to need us to walk alone.
In "The First Half of My Life", Luo Zijun regards her husband Chen Junsheng as her lifelong dependence, she believes that spending her husband's money is a kind of happiness, even her mother said that marrying Chen Junsheng is equivalent to having a long-term meal ticket.
But unfortunately, this long-term meal ticket decided to get off the bus halfway, and Chen Junsheng and Luo Zijun proposed divorce.
The economy is not independent, the love is not equal, Luo Zijun is only on the surface, and there is a good skin bag in the air. She is boring and uninformed, and she says that she loves Chen Junsheng, but her love is mixed with humility and pleasing because she is not independent.
Therefore, her husband Chen Junsheng is tired and only wants to get rid of her.
Leaving aside Luo Zijun's later counterattack, the first half of her life was simply a chicken feather, and all this stemmed from the fact that she never thought of self-independence.
No one's life will always be smooth, and in this long life, we will always encounter some difficult moments, which need to be overcome by yourself.
If you rely too much on someone, how do you face this cruel real world when that person leaves you?
We can certainly enjoy the sweetness of love, but we must not forget to keep learning and growing.
Independence is not strong, nor does it require you to become a strong woman, independence is a kind of confidence and self-confidence, you have to have the ability to cope with the wind and rain of fate, in a certain day when difficulties come, you can also carry the burden of life.
It's okay to love someone, but you can't lose basic sanity
Her friend Lin Ling and her boyfriend fell in love for three months and got married, and all this stemmed from one thing that was said to have particularly touched her.
It was a weekend, and Lin Ling went to the company to work overtime until twelve o'clock.
As she packed up her things and walked out of the company building, she saw her boyfriend coming to pick her up at the door of the building. You know, she didn't talk to her boyfriend about overtime, but he actually came.
At that moment, Lin Ling felt a mess, because countless overtime nights were her own home.
That night, Lin Ling suddenly thought of getting married, and she asked her boyfriend if he wanted to?
As a result, he did not refuse, and the two men went to the Civil Affairs Bureau on Monday to get a permit, and when they did all this, neither parent had met.
For this reason, Lin Ling's parents also had a big fight with her.
Two people got married without knowing each other much, and there were naturally many contradictions after marriage. Two days of a small quarrel, three days of a big quarrel, both people are living very unhappy.
She often lamented to me that if I hadn't been so impulsive at the time, if I had been in love for a little longer, if I had known each other a little more, it wouldn't have been like this.
When we are very young, because the other party is good-looking, listen to each other's voice, say a few rare love words, and we will like each other.
Someone will give you medicine when you are sick and tell you to drink more water; chat with you when you are unhappy, accompany you out of difficulties, and you may be moved to a mess.
But you still have to think clearly, it is not difficult to be good to a person for a short time, what matters is whether that person can always be good to you.
Before deciding to invest in a relationship, you may wish to get to know each other more, to walk into each other's lives, to get to know him. Instead of losing one's rationality because of a momentary feeling, it eventually leads to irreparable mistakes.
In a relationship, of course, we can love each other wholeheartedly.
But you must not lose yourself, reason and independence for love, you must put yourself first at any time, love is only a part of life, not all.
Finally, may you have the courage to be independent and confident in your relationship, and you can also calmly face future risks and tests.
The picture in this article originates from the Internet, if there is infringement, the contact must be deleted.