Recently, various negative events have occurred, and many people have fallen into confusion and confusion about "when will we be able to resume normal work life". Life is not satisfactory nine times out of ten, how to get through the trough period has become a topic we often talk about. Today I would like to share with you 3 suggestions for getting through the trough period.
Enhance the ability to "bottom out"
Tap into the inner "self-drive"
Get rid of the shackles of "labels"
01
Enhance the ability to "bottom out"
As a common person, I have to say that in fact, the trough is the norm, and it is the standard of life.
The biggest difference between people is how to face it.
In the trough period, everyone is the same, and it is easy to breed a "sense of despair", as if the pain is boundless. Not sure where the exit is.
In an interview with Yang Mi, I agree with one of her words:
"Anything big, I'll skip the emotional process. I'll say to myself, I'll give you a night or two, and you'll let it pass. Sad? saddened! What did you do wrong? Can it be changed? Can change! Won't it be like this next time? It won't be like this! Is it okay to let it pass in two days? OK! The key is in your own hands, and you can help you with yourself. ”
This self-suggestive phrase is really useful, personally used, recommended.
So, the next time you have a problem, you may wish to set a deadline for yourself, such as a day, a week, or even longer... It doesn't matter how long it takes, but rather that the duration gives you a sense of control and hope.
In the original novel of "White Deer Plain", there is such a sentence:
"To live is to remember that the most painful and desperate moment of life is the most difficult moment, but not the last moment of life; when life suffers major setbacks, it is often an opportunity for a person to grow." 」
Under the oppression of pain and despair, it will make him rethink his life and reflect on what he has done in the past, in the process, his values are reconstructed, and the whole person is completely different from the past, and a change has taken place.
This is what we often call a "bottoming out".
This change is mainly reflected in the following aspects:
First, the mind has become more mature and determined, not giving up easily, not fishing for three days and drying nets for two days.
Second, emotional stability, there have been experiences of tearing hearts and lungs, the lower limit of emotions is stretched, and it can not be alarmed in the face of negative emotions.
Third, strong execution, encounter problems will be stuck to the end, until the problem is solved.
It can be said that the dilemma is a person's touchstone, some people have rebounded through the bottom, and their lives have begun to rise continuously; some people have been sliding into the abyss and have not been able to bounce up.
Deeply.
I believe that everyone has seen "Journey to the West", I don't know if everyone has ever been curious:
Why are the Tang monks and disciples so powerful, and Sun Wukong is even more of a 18,000-mile douyun, why do you have to go step by step to the Western Heavens to learn the scriptures?
There is an answer to this. It is said that the Tang monk was formerly a golden cicada, the second disciple of the Buddha of Xitianrulai, but it is said that he was demoted to the human world because of his poor performance, and he had to go through hardships.
More importantly, we must go through this ordeal process, and experience ninety-nine eighty-one difficulties before we can return to the Spirit Mountain.
When you survive the most difficult years of your life, do not complain, and focus on doing what you can control, this darkest moment will become the most precious treasure in life.
02
Tap into the inner "self-drive"
The best transformation of a person is the internal drive. This sentence is not what I said, but the psychology big man Jung proposed.
He believes that in the interaction with the environment, an individual spontaneously generates a self-force with a driving effect, that is, the internal driving force.
Maslow once said that the key to his success is "internal drive", and the most terrible thing in the world is that there is no "internal drive".
When a person has a real driving force in his heart, he will take the initiative to think, put it into action, and continue to grow himself. Transform yourself into self-discipline, have a pursuit, and never give up for your goals.
Once upon a time, a young man named John wanted to find a job, but in the Great Depression, it was difficult to find a job. What to do?
He went to a company to queue up for an interview, and HR asked him, "What kind of job do you want?" ”
He replied: "You are the lowest paid of any position because I desperately need a job. ”
In this way, without any relationship, he entered the factory to work.
On his first day on work, he was injured unexpectedly.
With the approval of his superiors, he stayed at the company that night and invented a tool that would both prevent injuries and double productivity.
Despite his minimum salary, he didn't complain or be lazy, but got the job done early and did more.
Then he applied to the company: "This position can't improve my ability, please give me a more challenging opportunity." ”
If you were the boss, would you promote such a person who actually creates profits for you? Wouldn't you like to have a living employee in your eyes? The results are predictable.
3 months after joining the company, this lowest-level assembly worker, all the way to a promotion and salary increase to become a department manager...
He was the future American oil magnate Rockefeller.
We ordinary people don't need to be as smart as Rockefeller, as long as we are willing to do more and create value, we are actually creating opportunities for ourselves.
Self-drive is the power that comes from the heart to accomplish something. People with self-drive, who know how to turn passive into active, take on their own responsibilities, and often go farther than imagined.
As it is said in "The Golden Years": "Whatever you do, remember to do it for yourself, then there is no complaint." ”
Getting the little things you can do in front of you, being productive, and starting to solve problems is the best proof that you're qualified for more important roles. If "forget it, that's it" becomes your mantra, you won't want to go further.
If you cope with everything, day after day, and get by, even if the opportunity falls, you may not be able to control it.
The concept is well understood. When I was young, my parents would say, "Learning is for you to learn for yourself, not for us." "But why are children indifferent after listening to it?"
Internal drive is important, at any stage.
03
Get rid of the shackles of "labels"
I believe we are accustomed to seeing labels such as these:
People in the Northeast can drink...
Sichuan people love spicy...
Zero zero is like...
Mixed well is not home yet...
People who read PhDs are...
You're not married yet...
Don't be old...
So you see, in a society that's used to labeling, almost no one is a survivor.
Jane Elliott, an elementary school teacher, tries to explain Martin Luther King's death to her third-graders.
She developed a plan with the goal of giving her students a clear understanding of racial discrimination, known as the "label experiment."
She divided the students into two groups: children with brown eyes and children with blue eyes. Then it was announced that the brown-eyed child was superior to the blue-eyed child.
Blue-eyed children were forced to sit at the back of the classroom; brown-eyed children were told they were smarter and had more time off.
Elliott was shocked at how quickly classes changed.
She said the children's friendship seemed to collapse immediately, with the brown-eyed children abusing their former blue-eyed friends.
When class began the next day, Elliott walked in and announced that she had made a mistake.
In fact, brown-eyed children are inferior. Fate was immediately reversed, and the blue-eyed child let out a cheer.
Subsequently, the teacher patiently explained the intention of the "label experiment" to the children.
Research 20 years later showed that Elliott's students produced less discriminatory behavior than their peers who did not do the exercise.
"Labels" have a qualitatively oriented role, whether good or bad, and it has a strong influence on a person's "self-identification with personality consciousness".
Wilde said, "Once you're labeled, it's hard to escape." ”
Indeed, it is the same in life. When many people encounter difficulties, they are prone to self-denial and often have the idea of "I am a failure".
For example:
If you fail to pass the graduate school, you will feel that you are very bad;
Rejected by people who like them, feeling that no one wants to like themselves;
A few years after graduation, the salaries of fresh graduates are much higher than my own, and I am really a loser.
Every label is self-limiting, and it will make it difficult for people to walk from now on.
Professor Carol Dweck said in Lifelong Learning that label-thinking people believe that human talents are immutable. They are afraid of failure, refuse challenges, and end up standing still, becoming more and more mediocre.
In contrast, there is a growth mindset.
Growth-thinking people believe that people's IQ and ability can be improved through hard work, and one or two failures do not mean that they are a bad person.
When you accept the labels that society or the people around you put on you, you actually lose the ability to heal yourself.
Therefore, tear off the labels that others have put on you, and also tear off the labels you have written for yourself, get rid of the shackles of labels, and be your true self.