I am a native of the rural area of Northern Jiangsu Feng County, in my hometown, my brother married, my sister wants to take the "big head gift", there are a lot of them, although I don't know the origin of this big head gift, but for this big head gift, it can be said, from a young age, it is a normal thing to eat three meals a day, but now it makes me in a dilemma, I don't know how to be good.
This year's May Day is the day my brother got married, and last night I discussed how much money my husband would take. I also have to prepare in advance, my husband said, your brother gets married, let's take 5000, after all, it is your own brother, can not be less.
As soon as I listened, I was confused at the time, 5,000 yuan, not less, this is too little, isn't this to make the neighbor laugh off the big teeth? According to my inner thoughts, how to get tens of thousands, 10,000 are a bit less, take 20,000 is almost the same.
My husband estimated that he saw that I had not squeaked, put down the mobile phone in his hand, looked up and asked me: What's wrong? 5000 can't do it? I said: 5,000 is too little, now it is all to take tens of thousands, when my aunt's cousin got married in 12 years, my cousin, that is, my cousin's own sister, took 20,000 gifts.
As soon as my husband heard me say this, he immediately said that we don't care about others, your cousin has money, she wants to take how much to take, the situation of our family you know, this has just given birth to a second child, our house is not enough to live, we also plan to change the house this year, the boss has to go to school again, the boss and the second have to pay insurance, which does not cost money?
Besides, how much you want to take! You can't just give your brother a gift and leave your home alone, can you? Have you ever discussed with your parents how much to take? When I heard my husband say it, I almost jumped like a thunderbolt, and when I heard the communication with my parents, I calmed down, and I wanted to call my parents to communicate first and see how much was appropriate.
Mom and Dad also know the situation in my family, and the advice they give must be very reasonable. I gave the little second child in my arms to my husband, went out to make a phone call, and after the phone was connected, I asked my father, how much gift money should I prepare for my brother's marriage? My father said that I can't be the Lord of this, you discuss with your partner, how much do you want to take?
I said: I don't know how much to take, my husband is not our local, they don't have as many etiquette as we do, for example, when I married my husband, my aunts and aunts all gave a thousand yuan gift, but my husband's aunts only gave 200 yuan. Do you know whose brother got married over there and how much did your sister take? Give me a reference?
Dad said: This year, when he attended a wedding in our village, he saw the boy's three sisters each give a 40,000 head salute. I listened to my father's 40,000 big head gift, a head two big, I did not expect to get married in the countryside as a sister today to take so much money, for some people, 40,000 yuan is almost equivalent to a year's salary.
The number my father said far exceeded my expectations, and I was extremely nervous and panicked in my heart, and hurriedly found an excuse to hang up my father's phone.
Back in the room, my husband asked my father what to say, I answered truthfully, I thought that my husband listened to our current situation, even if I don't let me take 40,000, I will let me take 20,000, I didn't expect my husband to blow up directly.
Husband said, your father is deliberate, specially pick people to take high to say, how not to say more than a few for you to refer to, simply did not treat you as their own family, everything is thinking of your brother, so the net pick high said, you take this money to take a penny can not get back, etiquette exchanges, do you understand, you give your brother so much money, when you get married, your brother gave you money?
The husband was indignant, paused and said, your father only cares about your brother, why didn't he think about you, didn't think about your current situation, no one in our place has ever got married like you, get married and get so much money? This is not called courtesy, this is called obviously asking for money!
I listened to my husband's long talk, not only did not agree to take tens of thousands of gifts, but also said that my parents just asked for money for me, plus my father told me that the gift of 40,000 exceeded my expectations, and under the double stimulation, I had an emotional breakdown.
I pointed at him and said: What kind of etiquette is exchanged, this is not counted in front of the big head ceremony, you are the boss, you do not have a sister, have you not heard of who of you where the brother gets married, the sister wants to pay for the gift? Besides, even if you don't have it there, if you marry me, you should go into the countryside and follow the customs, people can take it, why can't I take it, and I won't be able to go back to my hometown in Feng County in the future? Do I still want a face?
The more I talked, the more excited I became, and I felt that I would not be able to attend my brother's wedding without tens of thousands of dollars. I can imagine that when my brother got married, my neighbors gathered around the table and laughed and said to me: How many big heads are coming with the big head gift? Don't take enough to eat a big table!
My husband looked at me anxious, the voice came down and said: Not to let you take, let's take a 5000 meaning on the line, if you think 5000 is too little, 10,000 is OK, but I will not take 40,000, is this not a wrongdoer? We have never heard of anyone taking so much money gifts, anyway, up to 10,000, just give him, anyway, he will not return the gift, for me to take money can, there are come and go, this light can not come, I am not willing to do.
I listened even more desperately, if I really only took 10,000 yuan of gift money, I can now imagine what my neighbors would say about me, and what my husband said at the end was like giving alms, my heart was blocked badly, I didn't know how to tell this big straight man the importance of the big head gift, and I didn't know how to let him know that the big head gift was a kind of gift money that could never be returned.
The more I thought about it, the more anxious I became, the more I thought about it, the more sad I was, the tears flowed directly out, I cried and said: I am this one brother, I can't take too little, too ugly, he is married once, what is wrong with taking some money? What does it mean to come and go? When my brother's married sister should take money, I grew up seeing this, why can't I do it? I can't believe you don't have it there!"
It is estimated that the sound is too loud, my mother-in-law came out from the next door and said to my husband, you say two words less, can't the two people discuss it? Just do it, don't argue about it.
Seeing the situation, my husband's voice also came up, Mom, you don't care, anyway, I don't agree to take so much. As he spoke, he closed the door.
Then, my husband turned to me and said: You have to remember, you have a family and children now, you have to put your family in the first place at all times, your brother is married, I didn't let you take it, but you can't take it too much, almost on the line, we live a life, not you and your parents and brothers to live, your father definitely hopes that you take the more the better, after all, the money is out of us, when the time comes, it is all for your brother, to put it bluntly, your father just wants to take money from you. What gift money, is not it to use the gift money as a pretext, just give your mother's money in a bright and bright way? Of course, the more you give, the better, and you don't have to pay it back.
I was even more indignant when I heard this, and I almost couldn't help but rush up and reach out to scratch his face, I don't know how my husband became such a person, just because of this big head gift, he could actually say such hurtful words, he actually said my family so badly, and said that I was so unworthy of being loved by my family, as if the value of my daughter was to give a big head gift to my mother's family.
The impulse has made me completely lose my mind, I yelled: you shut me up, you don't take it, you are still here to talk about me, I will put the words aside today, even if we can't get divorced because of this matter, I should take the big head gift or take it!
When my husband heard me talk about divorce, he was also anxious and said: If you take us, we will get a divorce, but it is over. I originally wanted to scare him with divorce, but I didn't expect him to say this, I couldn't hang on my face, but I couldn't lose in momentum, and I said hard: Don't wait for the gift to divorce again, leave now.
After saying that I was crying, my mother-in-law outside the door has been knocking on the door, my husband went to open the door, my mother-in-law dragged him out, I was the only one left in the room, I cried loudly, trying to vent all my grievances.
When I calmed down the fluctuating mood, heard the phone WeChat has been the sound of information coming in to prompt, I picked up the phone, saw that it was shown by the chat group built by several of our good friends, I went in to see, in addition to me, the other two friends are discussing their brother's current love situation.
The three of us are the same age, the brothers of the three of us are also the same age, and they are not married, and the love situation is also the heartbreak of our three sisters, so we often communicate with the younger brothers, and we will take it out to talk about the situation of the younger brothers in time.
Looking at it, a good friend @ me: Is your brother getting married? I immediately picked up my spirits and replied: Yes, early next month, May 1.
Another good friend took over and said: May Day is a good day, and I have a few acquaintances who have also chosen to get married on May Day. I thought about the fact that I had just quarreled and did not quarrel with the result, and I thought to my friends, the two of them are on the edge of Feng County, Jiangsu, and I should be able to resonate, and the other is Yangzhou, which is estimated to be different from us, so I sent out in WeChat: Ask you a thing, if your brother gets married, how much gift money do you take?
Yangzhou friends first replied: 2000-5000, specifically see how much money I can take out at that time, why? Little sister, your brother is about to get married, how much do you take?
The friend on the edge of Feng County said: I also take 5,000, which is already a lot, how much do you take?
I told them all the money I wanted to get and my communication with my dad and my husband, and then they just blew up.
Yangzhou: Are you crazy there? When the younger brother gets married, the sister actually wants to take 40,000, and the sister earns hundreds of thousands of dollars a year? If there are a few younger brothers in this way, the sister does not have to live, just busy earning money to marry the younger brother.
FengXian: What's the matter, aren't we different so close? Why do you want to take so much, and then say how much you take care of other people's things, you don't think about others, your husband is also right, can understand, if my brother gets married, it is estimated that my husband will let me take 5000 at most.
Looking at their reply, my originally calm heart was not calm again. I quickly asked, is this all of you there? Don't you compare?
Yangzhou: Contrast? Compare with whom? I have to take care of how much others want to manage, I still have my own family, I can't get married for my brother and the family don't want it, xiao chick, you don't want to compare with others, people are people's homes, we are us, to put it mildly, you take more and no one praises you, you have married out, do what you can.
Feng County: What is the good comparison, when my husband and I got married, my husband's uncle wanted to give money, my mother-in-law said nothing, my mother-in-law said that I don't want my children to get married, I don't give you when your children get married, you give me I give you it is better to be in trouble. Now, unlike before, basically outside, these etiquettes are also less, and everyone is thinking about how to live their own little life.
Yangzhou: You shouldn't ask your parents about this, most of the parents of our generation are distressed about their sons, we married out, to say a selfish word, they would like you to take more, so that they can give their sons.
Feng County: I don't recommend you to take tens of thousands, of course, if you have money to take, you have to consider your actual situation first, and you must not lose your marriage because of this gift money, so that the gain is not worth the loss, and your parents do not want this. But we can't decide for you how much we can take, or it depends on yourself.
Yangzhou: XiaoYi, you must put your own family first, and then think about the bride price.
Looking at them, you said a word to me, no one supported me to take 20,000 gift money, as my two most trusted friends, they actually agreed with my husband's ideas, I began to doubt myself, is it really my idea? I fell into contemplation...
Thought about it all night and did not understand, this morning, my husband went to work before going to my bed and said I went to work, I turned my body sideways and ignored him, he looked at me without answering and left, about an hour later, my mobile phone had information coming in, I opened it to see, it was a picture sent by my husband, which was the amount of his mobile bank deposit.
Then, he sent another paragraph: Honey, don't be angry, yesterday we were all too impulsive, I shouldn't say that about you, this is all my savings, I hope our little life can live well, not to let you pay money, let's do the right amount, we have to live our days well first, in order to help you brother! In this way, our parents can accept our help to feel at ease.
Then my husband said that in the future, the word "divorce" cannot be casually said, and we are married to be together, not to separate. Yesterday was all my bad, let's turn the page okay.
I looked and wanted to cry, from my husband and I were together, in the past 10 years, although we have had many quarrels, but there will be no overnight situation, basically that night is good, my husband and I are not the kind of people who plan to calculate, the personality is a bit grinning, this time because of the brother's marriage, divorce has come up, if it is really because of this matter of divorce I do not know if I will regret it? Will my husband regret it?
In fact, after sleeping all night, my mood has been restored, the reason why I ignored my husband in the morning, is that I don't know how to face him, after all, the problem has not been solved, but since he gave me a step, I also have to go down the steps, so that the two people can continue to live, I picked up the phone and replied with two words: OK.
Although my relationship with my husband is no longer a sword, but the problem of "big head ceremony" is still not solved, my wedding is near, how can I do it to not affect my family, but also to successfully participate in my brother's wedding, I write it out and want to hear everyone's thoughts.
Dear fellow villagers, when my brother gets married, how many "big head gifts" do you think I should take?