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A child shared with me such a trivia of life, and when he was visiting the garden once, the child told his mother that this yellow flower was so beautiful. His mother immediately replied: I think the blue one is good-looking, and the yellow one is a bit rustic. The kid retorted that you also bought a yellow dress last week. This mother also said: I bought the dress because the style is good, not the color, if you change to another color will look better.
There is a hot word on the Internet is "bar essence", and the mother above, I call it "bar spirit mother", then are you a "bar spirit parent"? They sit in the right seat first, because these parents have an important label of "correct and unique", and they seem to be discussing with the people around them, in fact, they want to prove that they are "correct and unique". Maybe these parents are still talking about it, but they don't think that they are going farther and farther on the road of correct parenting, are you like this in front of the screen? If you want to identify yourself as a "leveraged parent", you can also think about whether you always want to win in the role of parent. If yes, then you are not far from the "bar spirit parents".
As a "bar parent" children are very uncomfortable, in the long-term suppressed communication, thinking will gradually become limited, do things cautiously, do anything need to see the face of the parents, resulting in the final loss of self. When these children grow up, they either have no opinions or they will become like their parents and like to control other people's lives. Because parents always want to win, always prove that they are "right and unique", and constantly advertise themselves as the ceiling for their children, children will never be able to surpass you and become stronger than you. In other words, such a pattern is that you yourself are constantly bullying your own children and pushing your own children into the abyss.
I believe that most parents are reluctant to do this, so what should we do when it comes to the emergence of a bar with the child? First of all, we need to understand the child's cognitive level and ability range, including the child's recognition ability and language ability in early childhood, and understand whether they have the ability to compare with you. For example, many parents let 3-year-old children only watch 5 minutes of mobile phones or TV, but parents, the child's time perception is after the age of 6 will gradually develop the ability. 5 minutes is the same as half an hour for a three-year-old, and there is no difference between an hour and an hour. Secondly, when we discuss with the child, we should listen to it first and then say it, and then we will talk about it after the child has expressed his opinion, and strive to make only one round of speech. That is to say, when we discuss a problem with the child, we try to express our views only once, and the rest of the opportunities are left to the child. The last is to restrain their own desire to win, the win-loss relationship is the worst parent-child relationship, only through cooperation to become a relationship of mutual achievement is the most beautiful parent-child relationship.
We are constantly switching roles in life, so if the role of parents wants to be affirmed, you must see that this child is really well cultivated. Therefore, in the process of continuously achieving children, you are actually the biggest winner.