In the past, parents were busy with life, almost always letting their children grow freely;
Now, several adults circle around a child, still complaining that "it is too difficult to bring".
Why?
At present, Chinese parents are tired of raising children, mainly reflected in these 7 aspects, look at how many in your home?
01
Expect too much from your child
In the vast majority of Chinese families with children, the children are the center of the center.
Parents revolve around their children all day long, planning everything for their children, and this kind of planning, from the time of pregnancy, to the birth of the child, to the kindergarten, to the primary school, to the middle school, until college, work, marriage, buy a house, the child has its own children, almost without interruption.
During the period, there are all kinds of worries, all kinds of comparisons, all kinds of choices, all kinds of entanglements, all kinds of all kinds of efforts, all kinds of inadequacies, all kinds of hopes, all kinds of discouragement, all kinds of dissatisfaction, all kinds of early knowledge, all kinds of regrets, often the child is old, he is also old, and then there are all kinds of expectations for the child to return to his parents and filial piety to his parents...
How can you not be tired after decades of exhaustion?
The root cause of such tiredness lies in the fact that parents have too high expectations of their children, including both the expectations of the child's own development and the expectation of the child to return to the parents.
With such high expectations, the pressure is not only on parents, but also on children.
But why should we expect so much from our children? Isn't it already good that he can become an independent, autonomous, and happy adult?
If parents can see this, put aside all the expectations of children's external fame and fortune, and care about the peace and satisfaction of children and parents themselves, family education will be much easier.
02
People outside of their parents are involved too much
Let's take an analogy.
A small family, like a company, originally Mom and Dad themselves should be wholly shareholders, the highest person in charge, have the right to make decisions on various affairs.
However, many families have accepted various "investments" from their elders - funding to buy a house, serving the confinement, helping to bring a baby, etc., so grandma, grandpa, grandpa, grandma because of their "investment", have more or less ownership of the family, and become "shareholders".
As a shareholder, they must express their opinions, participate in decision-making, and some also require themselves to have "one-vote veto power".
Such a governance structure makes the original simple family affairs become extremely complicated, as the head of the family, how can the parents and parents not be tired?
What's worse is that some parents do not even guarantee the status of the head of the family, and their own family affairs still need to be left to their parents, so everyone is more laborious and contradictory.
03
The heart of comparison is too heavy
Other children have gone to various tutoring classes, do we want to go to school? If not, will the child lose at the starting line?
Other children are wearing famous brands, big brands, we don't buy, will we be laughed at poorly?
Others, others, others... In the eyes of quite a number of parents, they see too many others at all times, what they do and how they do it, and often take what others do and how to do it as a guideline and guide.
You must always look at others, but also always try to keep up, so as not to fall behind, so how can you not be anxious and tired?
But others are others, we are us, we have our own principles, our own choices, our own ways of behaving, why should we run after others?
I believe that parents can see this, and the hard work on the road of education will save a lot.
04
Meddle too much in the affairs of children
Parents want to do their best for their children, but often they interfere too much in their children's affairs and cultivate children who cannot be autonomous from childhood to adulthood.
Children go to school, help carry school bags, remember homework; children write homework, accompany and stare at the side; what tasks are assigned by the teacher, often the child has not yet figured out what to do, parents have rushed to pounce on it and helped the child complete.
Not to mention staring at the daily eating and drinking of children, such as eating, dressing, bathing, and going to the toilet.
Children who are "taken care of" in this way are almost left with only two things in life, class and interest class, and neither can develop the ability to learn independently, nor can they develop the ability to live independently, so their parents have to take care of and wait all the time.
Only by cultivating children's autonomy from an early age, including independent life, independent learning, independent reading, and independent emotions, can parents achieve real ease.
This is not to be lazy, but to let the child truly grow as an independent individual, free to grow up and become a better self.
05
Information overloaded and lack of opinion
Chinese parents are tired of raising children, in addition to the reasons mentioned above, there is a less obvious, but sure reason for existence, that is, exposure to too much information, but lack of opinion on how to educate children.
A lot of time and effort is spent gathering as much information as possible, and then running around with that information.
The life of family education needs to do a certain degree of "breaking away"
——We don't actually need so much information, but more importantly, through independent reading and learning, we can form our own "opinions"
I know what kind of methods are good, I know what I should do, I know which of my own methods to adhere to and which methods to debug.
In this way, there is no need to be overwhelmed and overwhelmed by overloaded information, and it can take a concise, effective and constant approach, and the whole process will be much simpler and easier.
06
Dad was too involved
There is a very sharp saying called "widowed parenting", which refers to the absence of the father from the child's growth.
Fathers do not participate in the education of children, it is completely a matter of mothers, I am afraid that it is the norm in many Chinese families, and it is also an important reason why quite a few mothers feel that educating their children is too tired to do so.
"Parental cooperation" not only shares the specific work in life, but also discusses the size of the child, draws consensus opinions, and then puts them into action together.
The advantages of this are that the workload can be reduced through sharing, and the second is that both the child and the parents can establish an intimate relationship, of course, more importantly, the common companionship of the parents makes the child's psychology and personality develop more healthy and sound.
07
Consumption is not rational enough
The last and most unavoidable reason for the tiredness of raising children is financial stress.
Some parents one-sidedly believe that they should do their best to give their children the best, and the consumption is not rational enough, causing excessive economic pressure.
There is a case in which an ordinary working father bought a dress for his three- or four-year-old daughter and spent 700 yuan.
700 pieces of a skirt, of course, is likely to be a good quality and design, and children wear it, it may be really beautiful.
However, mom and dad don't consider their own affordability, blindly consume like this, how long can they persist, how can they not feel the pressure is huge?
As the saying goes, "a child has ten acres of land", raising a child from a small baby who falls to the ground to an adult, to say that it is not hard at all, it is certainly not realistic, but hard work does not equal pressure and exhaustion.
We have seen parents who are too tired to bring their children, and we have also seen many parents who feel relaxed and happy to raise children.
Is it tiring to raise a child? It still depends on how Mom and Dad choose.
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