Can't talk, nervous, anxious, crack the way

Some buddies say:

"I have low emotional intelligence and can't speak. Can't talk to girls. ”

"I'm very uncomfortable right now, I'm in a bad state, I'm not in a good state. Affect work, study and life. ”

"I'm nervous now, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do?"

"I don't feel right right now, I'm anxious, I can't concentrate, I can't do anything, I'm restless."

First of all -

You can stop what you are doing for a while, especially not to make major decisions and not to say impulsive words.

At this moment, it is very likely that you will say something that you regret and do something that you regret. If you can stop first, you can rest first, even for a few minutes.

Secondly -

Is it more because of the lack of physical strength or mental strength to become aware of one's current state?

For example, just done a lot of physical work, limb fatigue caused by?

Or is it a lot of emotional fluctuations, which consumes a lot of mental energy, resulting in?

If it is caused by physical strength, it is very simple, just rest. If you have the means, go to sleep.

If you find that it is not caused by physical exertion, it is caused by insufficient mental strength.

Lack of mental strength, mostly because of certain emotions, is consuming a lot of mental energy, resulting in your lack of mental strength, unable to concentrate on doing things.

If you find that it is a problem of insufficient mental strength, the next step is to become aware:

What are my current emotions?

Some of us buddies suddenly don't know what kind of emotions they are in the moment.

Can't recognize your emotions.

This is actually the real low emotional intelligence.

Low emotional intelligence, not stupid, can't speak. These are just appearances.

The essence is:

I am detached from my own emotional feelings.

Emotions are not nothing, emotions have been making you, but you yourself have suppressed this part of the perception, the sensitivity, and do not let yourself feel.

Often because it is childhood, I feel too many bad emotions, and suppressing these feelings can make myself feel better.

This is our human psychological protection mechanism, which in itself is to help you. But like any coin, there are two sides.

It was there to help you when you were a child, because you had to rely on adults to survive, but now that you're older, you can support yourself.

Especially in love, in the face of the girl you like, when you blunt your feelings and suppress your feelings, it will become what girls say, and the emotional intelligence is low. Because you can't feel your emotions, you naturally can't feel the girl's emotions, causing her to feel that you don't understand her.

But beware!

Your sensitivity has not disappeared.

Your emotional intelligence is not nothing, it is always there.

There are two ways to quickly improve your emotional intelligence and deal with various problems encountered in the process of chasing girls, including various nervous and anxious emotions that often plague you.

The first way: to be reasonable

It is to learn the difference between these different emotions according to the form of emotional names in our "Instant Confidence" inner course, which is theoretically learned.

In addition to the big emotions of nervousness, happiness, anger, etc., there are more than a dozen different emotions, such as trepidation.

Panic, what is the emotion? What does it feel like?

Many buddies may be experiencing trepidation, but they don't know it, they don't realize it. In this way, it is tantamount to being dominated and hijacked by this feeling of trepidation. The words spoken and the things done are not the real you.

Often lead to waiting for this wave of emotions to pass, I regret it.

In fact, many of the things that we people regret are not all done in this way? In the mood, just say it, do it. Half an hour, when the emotions passed, I regretted it terribly.

Then, often one link after another, trying to cover up, make up, and then a new wave of emotions, and then hijacked by this wave of emotions, resulting in in order to evade responsibility, more and more outrageous, worse and worse.

Many people, the initial mistakes they make, may be small, and the price they bear is actually good. You can start all over again. But often, many people can't put it down, and in order to cover up this mistake, they make a big mistake. In the end, it was out of control.

From reason to affection, is to first understand from the theory, there are so many emotions. Then, the difference between each one is figured out.

Then, in life, in love, you will inevitably experience emotions every day, and then go to one by one. The method used is the "Self-Awareness" in "Instant Self-Confidence".

Knowing more about emotional separation will also help you become more aware of emotions when they arise.

The truth is simple.

For example, the state should set up an air defense identification zone. It's a plane from another country, flying in, I want to identify it, who are you? What type of aircraft is it? Is it a passenger plane, or a military plane? Is it a bomber, or a fighter? Which country?

To identify, the first thing to know in advance is that the world has this country, there are this type of aircraft.

Otherwise you see and don't know.

Therefore, learning the list of emotions helps to identify the emotions of the moment, which is equivalent to helping you use the method of "self-awareness" to achieve instant self-confidence.

The second way: from reason to reason

As the name suggests, the reverse is done. It is:

Let's not go to the big list of emotions. Leave it alone. First, directly use the method of "self-awareness" to perceive the feelings and emotions of the moment.

No matter what theory, noun. Just be aware of the current wave of emotions, and don't even give any name to this wave of emotions. Just give a code name.

First, in the process of using the "Self-Awareness Mind", to perceive this emotion over and over again, to perceive this emotion, which part of your body?

What is the shape? What color? Will it move?

Then, become aware of what triggers this emotion? What happens externally? How did I make my own interpretation of what happened externally? Is this interpretation the trigger for this emotion? Wait a minute.

After you have realized it, go back to the list of emotions and see which emotion you are aware of, which emotion is more in line with?

That's from reason to reason.

These 2 roads can work, and they can even be mixed. It's about identifying emotions.

When you use "Self-Awareness" to immediately identify what emotions you are experiencing in the moment, such as:

I'm experiencing anxious emotions right now.

Then you can proceed to the next step:

To become aware, what triggers your anxiety? Distracting you?

We know:

Unsteady, it is impossible to do things.

Unsteady, even dating and chatting with girls for a day, it is not good to talk. You don't have the extra mental strength to put the spotlight on the girls.

What makes you unsettled?

Your favorite game has a broken graphics card?

Your cat ran away? Sick?

Something happened at home?

Scolded by a boss/colleague?

Lost your job?

Can't pay the loan?

Lost money?

In terms of marriage, yes and no

Girls cold you, do not reply to your WeChat?

Girlfriend mentioned breaking up?

Favorite girl is leaving?

Wife is divorced?

Conflict at home, quarrel?

Want to have children, but the wife doesn't want to have children?

Wait a minute

But this is still superficial.

There are deeper layers, such as:

Girls don't reply to your WeChat, why does it trigger your anxiety?

Are you really anxious that she doesn't reply to your WeChat and doesn't like you?

Why does a girl who has just met you not like you and does not reply to your WeChat will make you so anxious?

Is it because you spent 20,000 yuan on her, spent a lot of energy and time, you feel that it is all adrift, do you want to return the money?

If this is really the reason, then you imagine that she now pays you 20,000 yuan, and then adds your energy and time compensation, a total of 50,000 yuan, you will still be so anxious and want to save her?

If it is OK and not anxious, then it may be that you want to return to the original, congratulations, and find the reason!

At this time, we don't have to lie to ourselves, it's how much we love her, we can't live without her. On the contrary, it will make you feel bad.

But a lot of buddies, it's not the reason for the money and the pay.

They are anxious that girls don't like themselves because of the psychological "empathy" that has occurred.

Subconsciously, I thought of this girl as my mother. I have retreated to a 3-year-old in my heart.

For a 3-year-old child, his mother is not only the closest person, but also the basis for his own survival.

If mom ignores us and doesn't want us, we may face an existential crisis.

Therefore, at this time, girls ignore us, do not return to WeChat, want to break up, in the depths of your heart, what really triggers is your fear of death.

The essence of this anxiety is the fear of death. Afraid I'm going to die.

So, this perfectly explains, why, she doesn't message you back, you keep messageing her until she blocks you. You'll spend a lot of time going downstairs to her house and blocking her downstairs.

These excessive acts of crossing the line are actually making efforts for your own survival. There is only one mom, and you certainly can't lose it. Of course, you have to desperately look for it, to beg her to come back.

But here's the thing!

Is the girl you like in front of you your mother?

Obviously not.

This is "Self-Awareness", when you are not replying to your message, and you are trying to kill the serial soul chase phone call one by one, you can perceive:

1. My anxiety is triggered and I am in anxiety.

2. Yes she did not reply to my WeChat, triggering anxiety.

3. I saw her as not replying to my WeChat as if she didn't like me, wanted to leave me, wanted to abandon me, and triggered my abandonment anxiety.

4. How can a girl who has not known me for a long time make me so anxious? oh! It turned out to be empathy, and I subconsciously thought of her as a mother. I thought it was my mother who was going to abandon me at the age of 3.

Once you become aware of point 4, this anxiety is broken by you!

This is equivalent to pulling up the things that are originally working on you and affecting your subconscious, and pulling them to your level of consciousness. The level that you can perceive.

Once you reach the level of your consciousness, you certainly know that she is not your mother. All of a sudden this intense emotion broke.

Now that I am talking, you see, it is equivalent to reasoning first. When you have an epiphany about this in the moment, you are instantly confident in that moment.

At that moment, what you say to her, do it, or don't say anything, don't do it, will in itself convey your confidence and charm in the submerged communication.

There is no longer a need to endure or think about which techniques can be used to deal with it.

And don't make those low-level attraction mistakes. It does not expose the sense of excessive demand. Because your excessive sense of need is broken by your own heart, no, where is the problem of exposure or not exposure?

And that's a lot more.

Every time I start writing, I always remind myself that this time it should be simple and short. But not many times have it been able to do so. Maybe at present, my level of expression can only share these with a small number of buddies who have a relationship.

Your buddy,

Come true

2022.04.06