"May the heart of one person be won, and the white head will not be separated" and "holding the hand of the son and growing old with the son" are the good wishes of many people when they get married. But love is easy to get along with, how many couples with sweet feelings before marriage and have a beautiful vision have finally become "tired couples" after the triviality of chai rice oil and salt after marriage, and they are tired of each other.
Love is gradually fading away in plain, even quarrels, and cold wars, marriage has become their own one-man show, and two people see each other every day, but they are not in the same world at all. In the face of irreparable feelings, many women will inevitably have the idea of divorce.
However, divorce is always easier said than done, some because of children, some because of life, some because of face, and some because of unwillingness, too much entanglement and can not be put down, resulting in a "can not be separated and not good" marriage status quo. In real life, there are many couples who fall into this strange circle.
He Jing and her husband are each other's first love, and before marriage, you and I are very affectionate. Not long after the marriage, He Jing found that her husband did not have the good temper of the past and was picky about her. In the face of her husband's rebuke, He Jing is also inseparable, he yells at her, she argues with him; he says she is not like a woman, she says he is a big liar.
A year later, the child was born, the contradictions between He Jing and her husband were constantly superimposed, and the relationship between the child and the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law became the fuse of all conflicts. Every time there is a conflict, He Jing will count the old things, and her husband will be all kinds of insults and curses. Once, the two people even had a big fight and clamored for a divorce, and He Jing moved to her mother's house with her children.
During the separation period, He Jing wanted to leave countless times, but thinking of the small children, the goodness of her husband when she was in love, and her own face, she decided to live well, and at the request of her husband, she took the child back home. But not long after, there was a lot of noise and noise, and after the quarrel, it was separated from the Cold War, repeatedly, always the old cracks had not yet had time to sew, and new scars came out again. After eight years of marriage, endless quarrels and fights, and the cold war have long exhausted He Jing's body and mind.
Away, inseparable; over, too bad. In reality, many couples are stuck in the marriage cage of He Jing's husband and wife, which is "tasteless and tasteless, and it is a pity to abandon it".
Once marriage gets into this "not good and not good" dilemma, I suggest that women do three things that may help change their lives.
Stop obsessing over love
Love is a woman's innate expectation and desire, however, marriage is a meal in chai rice oil and salt. The breakdown of marriage is mostly due to the disappearance of love. Love is gone, the days still have to go on, what to do? Then there is no need to dwell on love, let go of obsession, reduce the burden, and do what you want to do.
I have a friend who used to have the problem of "managing" her husband, and she was always worried that her husband did not love her, and her husband was particularly tired of her restricting his freedom in the name of love. For this reason, they often have conflicts with their husbands, and the feelings of husband and wife become more and more cold, at first it is noisy, then it is the Cold War, and married life has become a coincidence.
Friends are reluctant to divorce, but also want to understand, she said, "love this thing, the more you want to grasp it, the faster you lose." When people reach middle age and then struggle with love, they may be too stupid and naïve. She began to adopt a laissez-faire attitude towards her husband, and she listened to what he wanted to say, and she didn't bother to ask what she didn't want to say. Without quarrels, the relationship between the two people actually slowly eased up.
In fact, as a woman, especially a middle-aged woman, you must know that sometimes, love too hard will be easy to lose. If men don't love you, even if you try your best, it won't help, it's better to let go of feelings first, let go of yourself, and have no burden of thoughts, in order to make your life better.
Enrich your life
Netizen Li Min is a particularly traditional woman, a typical virtuous wife and mother, her life is around her husband and children, rarely consider herself, she once felt that without her husband, she could not live at all. Later, her husband had a dislike for her, often leaving early and returning late, completely as her air-like existence. Li Min stayed in the "widowed" marriage for several years, she thought about divorce, but she felt that she did not have to take the step of separation.
Li Min studied fashion design in her early years, under the advice of friends, she regained her paintbrush, bought a sewing machine, began to make clothes by herself, and so on, after having experience, she went to participate in some amateur design competitions and clothing shows, although there is a playful nature, but see the clothes she designed on others or herself, it is not good. Li Min's friends partnered to open an online store selling clothing, the business is still good, and she is more and more confident with income.
Li Min said that she does not care about her husband's whereabouts now, and for her now, winning the attention of others is far more important than begging her husband's gaze. Therefore, she has to get better and better.
When the marriage encounters lovelessness, you are still reluctant to let go, reluctant to divorce, then do your own thing, live for yourself once. Only if you live for yourself will you feel free and happy, and you will not feel bound by marriage.
Develop the ability to cope with negative energy
The aforementioned He Jing, originally a girl full of positive energy who loves life, after marriage, because of the contradictions in her life with her husband, she has hardened herself into a middle-aged resentful woman, she said that looking at other people's poetry and distant life, she found herself in the life of the deeper and deeper, unable to extricate herself.
He Jing is dissatisfied with her current life, confused about her future life, she feels that she has failed in particular, lamenting that her marriage is a mess and does not know how to clean up. In fact, marriage is not smooth sailing, and loving couples may not be able to end. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, it is better to pick up your mood and learn to look at the past and the future from another perspective.
Marriage is not something that can be supported by a little like and love, it needs to be tolerant and considerate of each other, it needs time to polish, and it needs patience to operate. When marriage encounters ups and downs, when you can't solve it, you should learn to make yourself strong, develop the ability to cope with negative energy, and fight the pressure of life.
epilogue:
In a marriage that is "inseparable and not good", you can only live happily if you do the above three points. When you can do these three things, whether you get divorced or not is not the key. The point is, you're already strong, so strong that you no longer need to rely on each other, and you can live completely independently.