The true story | my husband and I looked a lot like each other, a family of four and a beautiful family, until my daughter watched a gossip.

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01

I had a second child, and I discussed it with my daughter.

At that time, she was almost in junior high school.

I am a middle school teacher, I have always been excellent in my business, and I was rated as a senior teacher before I was 40 years old.

Educationally, I still know a little about children's psychology.

Even if my husband and I decided to have the second eldest, the first thing that came to mind was our daughter's emotions and feelings.

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I believe that respect is mutual.

Even for the child, she should be involved in the decision of the family and make her feel that she is part of the family.

And the daughter did grow up obediently and coincidentally.

Academic performance has been excellent.

But no one expected that when she reached the most important middle school stage of her life, because of a variety show, her daughter suddenly changed.

She has always been excellent in character and learning, and her grades began to decline.

And what I couldn't accept the most was that she actually said to me directly, you stupid B.

When I first heard it, I froze, and I couldn't react to my daughter.

I raised my own daughter and loved her dearly.

02

I met my husband Fu Yuming in 2001.

I was 22 years old.

Not small, relatives introduced me to Fu Yuming.

He was thin and tall, with thick eyebrows and big eyes. Of course, the most important thing is that he looks very similar to me.

Looking at him, as if looking at myself.

This may be the legendary husband and wife. At that time, my friend saw us and often gossiped and joked, "You won't be lost brothers and sisters, right?"

Fu Yuming's hometown is in the mountains of Wu'an, very poor and poor, he is the eldest son, there are younger brothers and sisters below to go to school, the burden is quite heavy.

The only advantage was that he had a formal job in Handan.

After the meeting, he wrote to me. It is not a literary masterpiece, but it is full of affection.

I teach Chinese, and I am naturally sensitive to words, and I am immediately impressed. So 3 months later, I married him.

Saying so much, I just want to say that although I was born in a small place with Fu Yuming, we are both gentle and courteous people.

The fireworks are not vulgar, well-appointed but warm.

We are not very rich, but we have always created a healthy environment for our children to grow up.

03

After marriage, Fu Yuming and I also sponsored his brother to go to college.

In 2002, my father, upset that I was married and did not have a house, sponsored us to buy a house in Handan.

Since then, we have a real home.

In 2004, a daughter was born.

Fu Yuming did not have the slightest preference for sons over daughters.

The older generation of mother-in-law naturally wants boys. But Fu Yuming and I are both dual workers and do not meet the two-child policy.

The mother-in-law offered to take her daughter to the countryside, put her daughter's hukou in someone else's name, and then raise her to let me have another child.

At that time, our family planning was not so strict, and someone had done it.

But Fu Yuming resolutely refused.

Fu Yuming and I both feel that it doesn't matter whether it's a man or a woman, as long as the child grows up healthy and happy.

In terms of raising children, Fu Yu and I have a clear division of labor.

He is gentle and patient, responsible for my daughter's life and living, while I am responsible for my daughter's intellectual development and teaching her to learn.

After all, I am engaged in education, and the way of education is more enlightened and modern.

Neither Fu Yuming nor I are parents. We will care about the child's thoughts and feelings, discuss everything, and respect the independence and freedom of the child's personality.

And the daughter is really well-behaved and obedient.

After going to school, I always complete my homework independently, and I have the motivation and ability to learn independently.

Every Teacher's Day, my daughter would send me flowers and say that I was a teacher and that I was the hardest.

On Christmas Day, she would receive her apples and would kiss my face and say, I love you, Mom.

04

Of course, the daughter also had a period of rebellion.

When I was in the fourth or fifth grade, I liked to gamble with her father.

Fu Yuming is meticulous and manages it carefully.

But children of this age are seeking independence, even if they are kind enough to let her wear more clothes, she will be annoyed.

Once, my daughter listened to a song and asked her father if he was listening.

Fu Yuming reached out and turned off the stereo and said, write homework, don't listen to songs.

The daughter was immediately angry and did not speak to Fu Yuming for several days.

At that time, the daughter's rebellion was mostly two mouths, and more did not speak.

Every time I talk to her about my heart, reason, and then remind Fu Yuming that when her daughter is older, she should be given more space and respect, and she can no longer be treated as a little girl, and everything is managed in detail.

Fu Yuming's treatment of his daughter has also changed a lot.

Slowly, the daughter became obedient again.

It can be said that it was the first rebellion in her daughter's growth.

As a teacher, I still have a method, leading her out of the small misunderstanding of finding inner independence.

05

In 2016, the state officially opened the second child.

Fu Yuming and I were moved.

Whether it is time, energy or economic conditions, it is allowed to regenerate one.

Two children have a companion.

I am not yet 40 years old, and if I want to be the second eldest a little later, I am afraid that my fertility quality and physical fitness will not be good.

But before I made a decision, the first thing I thought about was my daughter.

This year, the daughter was 12 years old.

In our generation, parents born or not, no one will ask us for advice and take care of our emotions.

But my daughter's turn is different.

Having been an only child for more than ten years, and suddenly having an older second, I must care about her feelings.

At that time, the daughter was full of innocence.

I was so happy to hear that we were going to give her a brother or sister.

I said, you can rest assured, even if you have younger brothers and sisters, your mother will definitely hurt you the most.

The daughter said mischievously that it was necessary.

So, at the end of that year, my son came into this world.

06

The daughter liked her brother very much.

Likes to tease him, likes to kiss his little face and take pictures of him. I was worried she would be jealous, but it wasn't.

She accepted the role of her sister very quickly.

After the birth of the son, the mother-in-law came to help with the child.

Here's a sentence, when giving birth to a daughter, the mother-in-law said that the family had land to take care of, and refused to come.

It was my mother who came over to help me bring my daughter.

But my little uncle gave birth to a son, and my mother-in-law immediately went to help. Now that I have a son, I will come right away.

In essence, there is still the old idea of son preference.

I didn't want her to come in my private heart. Because I was worried that she would despise my daughter and hurt her.

But after the mother-in-law came, she also loved her daughter.

Probably also want to make up for the debt 12 years ago.

Our family, who could have gone on like this and with Meimei, did not expect that because of an online variety show changed.

07

In 2017, a hip-hop talent show run by a video website suddenly became popular.

Many of the students in my own class were discussing.

Soon, my daughter became hooked. At the time, I didn't stop it.

Chasing a star in adolescence is not a big deal.

When I was younger, I also liked to spend the dawn, not dry paste, big posters, also bought. There's no need to make a fuss.

But then I found out that I didn't know too much about hip-hop.

I thought it was a talent show similar to Supergirl, but in fact, it wasn't.

Or rather, not simply.

This so-called hip-hop culture, street culture, to put it bluntly, is that the American gangsters are bragging at the street.

In the United States, it is considered a subculture of underground music.

But it was crowned with the name of seeking freedom and liberating the soul, and it was even magnificently packaged into a program and put on the file in China.

My daughter is said to have listened to some gossip from her friends, then fell in love with one of the contestants and was quickly taken off the road.

At first, the daughter just became pulled up in behavior, the more fat the pants, the more the jewelry engaged in what dark system, the treatment of people and things is less and less like a girl, everything must be cool.

If that's all there is to it, I can accept it too.

But soon after, the swear words began to come up.

08

When the mother-in-law first came to the house, she would occasionally say two dirty words.

When my daughter heard it, she would say that Grandma was so uncivilized.

As a result, it had only been more than a year, and her foul mouth was much worse than my mother-in-law's.

If you are not happy, say Zenima.

The first time I heard it, the whole person exploded.

Can you imagine how much impact your daughter, who has always been well-behaved, suddenly has such a rude insult pop out of her mouth?

I pressed my emotions and asked her, how can you little child say such ugly things?

But she said indifferently, what is this, everyone says so. This is a mood word that expresses emotions, not profanity.

At the time, I thought she had made some bad friend.

But then I found out that nothing had changed from her friends, and that what had changed her was the fans of hip-hop music on the Internet who liked hip-hop music together.

They have a simple, but particularly brainwashing set of words.

Every time I educate my daughter, she will teach me in turn.

She said that hip-hop is to let go of the self, to release yourself completely, to do whatever you want, to scold people when you want.

09

At that time, my daughter was not yet in high school.

As a teenager, he was still relatively obedient.

Under the painstaking persuasion of my father and I, my studies did not decline, and I was admitted to the municipal key high school in Handan.

I thought that the heavy schoolwork in the key schools, coupled with the strict management of the residential school, would make all the changes for my daughter.

But now is the era when you have a mobile phone and you can access the Internet.

Far from the eyes of me and her dad, she was unscrupulously integrated into the online hip-hop fandom.

I won't mention the name of the player my daughter likes.

In order to understand my daughter, I checked it on the Internet, and the black news shocked me, he was not only foul language, his private life was chaotic, and the most terrible thing was that he even took drugs!

At that time, I regarded dawn as an idol, and the essence was the pursuit of beauty.

But if the daughter takes this kind of hooliganism dressed in fashion as culture, then won't her life be ruined?

10

On the weekend, my daughter came home and I talked to her.

My daughter was older, and as soon as I opened my mouth, she knew what I wanted to say.

She said, Mom, I can't take drugs. That's ruining yourself. I love hip-hop and love it for being brave enough to express my core. I lived too depressed. I need to be released.

I asked, what do you suppress?

The daughter said, you are a little better, Grandma and Dad like brother. No one has cared about me since my brother was born. I felt like I had been picked up.

That was the first time my daughter had complained to me about my brother since I was a second child.

My heart softened.

When he first said that he had the second eldest, he also loved her the most.

But the son was just born, so small, it must be the focus of the family. Her father, including her grandmother, must have spent more time on her brother.

Coupled with the fact that the daughter is older, there is less communication with her father, so there is a sense of distance between the daughter and Fu Yuming.

Fu Yuming did not care about his daughter, and he sometimes said jealously that as soon as the little cotton jacket grew up, he kissed his mother.

But no matter what, in the end, it still made her daughter misunderstand, making her think that her father and grandmother only loved her brother.

The guilt in my heart made me unable to say it anymore.

I apologized to her and said that Mom and Dad still loved her. It's just that my brother is still young and has taken away our energy.

The daughter expressed understanding.

I thought I had a successful talk.

After my daughter returned to school, I even reflected on myself, whether I was used to being a teacher, usually talking with too many rhetorical questions, too strong, so that she felt oppressed, will choose such a way to release herself.

But in fact, after carefully studying my cultivation of her all the way, what real pressure has been given to her?

Fu Yuming and I are already very enlightened parents in such a relatively conservative third-tier town.

We gave our daughter more respect than other children.

But how did that happen?

11

I later thought that my daughter's pressure was actually brought about online.

Originally it was just a small contradiction in life, and before gambling and gambling, it turned over.

But now that I'm on the internet and mingling with a bunch of cynical people, many tiny negative emotions have been amplified.

In small groups on the Internet, everyone instigates each other, instigates each other, tuggs at details, and spreads infinitely.

My daughter became looking at the house with a magnifying glass, and the slightest displeasure was taken as evidence that we ignored her mercilessly.

The anger in my heart naturally became heavier and heavier.

It is the first half of the semester of high school.

When my daughter came back from vacation, she suddenly said that she would make music in the future, and she listened to a hip-hop song she wrote.

Even people like me, who don't understand music, can hear that it doesn't work at all.

I said, Mom is not to hit you, you are too bad, usually singing is OK, when the professional has no hope.

My daughter suddenly got angry, stood up and pointed at me and said, you stupid B, you know what!

12

My mind was buzzing and I kept asking myself, is this my daughter?

Did I grow up loving my daughter?

I was really angry and raised my hand to give her a slap.

I had never hit her, it was the first time, and my daughter's reaction, completely beyond my imagination, she was so angry that she punched me in the arm and I fell straight down on the couch.

In an instant, my tears came down.

I don't know if she was crazy or if I didn't wake up in my dreams.

On that day, Fu Yuming was also there.

This man, who had a gentle personality all his life, was eventually angered by his daughter.

He rushed over, slapped his daughter hard and said, you bastard!

This time, he even touched his daughter's reverse scales.

Originally, she felt that Fu Yuming did not care about her, which became the most powerful proof.

She stared at us like an enemy and said, you beat me, kill me!

13

After that day, the daughter and the whole family rose against each other.

If it doesn't go well, it will be dirty.

Once she came home on the weekend and said she wanted fried chicken. I said, it's not good to eat too greasy at night, and I'll eat it again tomorrow during the day.

She immediately scolded, saying that this TM should also be managed, which is really a matter of compulsion.

In the morning, the mother-in-law made white porridge, and the daughter did not want to eat it, snapped it on the table, and said, What a ** thing, feed the pigs!

My blood pressure soared, but Fu Yuming and I were a little helpless.

Scolding her, hitting her?

That is to exacerbate the contradiction again.

And in my heart, there are still more terrible hidden worries.

My daughters are so old that I know so many children who don't do business online. Now, no matter what, she is still willing to study and is still preparing for college.

If it does fall out, what if it runs?

I really want to run and mix with those who are not confused.

Then Fu Yuming and I will regret dying for the rest of our lives!

14

My daughter is in her third year of high school this year.

The results have dropped significantly, all supported by the previous foundation. Obviously easy 985, now can be admitted to 211 is not bad.

She has developed to the point that she can do whatever she wants, and neither of us can interfere. He also said that he was going to have a facelift, and he was not satisfied with his appearance, and he made music after the plastic surgery.

After Fu Yuming beat her, she took revenge, and to this day, she does not say a word to Fu Yuming.

I tried to persuade myself, to calm my mind, to advise well, as long as it was not excessively demanding.

I've seen too many students, long-term autism, not good for psychology.

And my daughter is basically reluctant to communicate with me.

Even if it is a conversation, it is mostly her unilateral output, saying her musical dreams, what is the pursuit of freedom.

In fact, the daughter is outside, has a very cheerful personality, has many friends, speaks to the teachers and elders, and will not wantonly take dirty words.

Only at home, without scruples.

She said that she wanted to show her true self in front of us. No disguise, no false commission.

I listened, and I had a heart that wanted to die.

How did a girl who was once so well-behaved come to this point today?

15

I like what Xiao Asa said, the real world is not a story.

In the novel, because of a sentence, a person suddenly wakes up, and it is actually very difficult in real life.

I also want my daughter to change back into the daughter who was once well-behaved and obedient overnight.

But the reality is that she is becoming more and more stubborn.

During this time, I have reflected on my own education for her.

I wonder if I have too much "respect" for my daughter.

Many parenting education concepts are now translated from Western countries.

There are some ways in which you may not be satisfied.

Western countries emphasize the small family and emphasize the individual, so they pay special attention to respect and equality with children.

To put it mildly, this stems from the fact that they do not have the concept of old-age care, and they do not have the custom of supporting the elderly, so they teach children and parents to treat each other equally.

Because among friends, there is no obligation to support. When a child becomes independent and has his own family, he is cut off from the original family.

But we are a country that pays attention to human feelings and friendship.

That's where my contradiction lies.

My educational philosophy is Western-style, but my family concept is Chinese-style, and most of the Western-style concepts cannot teach intimate little cotton jackets.

Because the basis of Western education is to encourage children to fly independently, the traditional Chinese concept will closely associate children with their families.

On the other hand, the so-called equal treatment with children is, in a sense, equivalent to giving up the authority of parents in disguise.

If my family is a family of one word, Me and Fu Yuming will have enough deterrent power in my daughter's heart, so at the critical moment when my daughter is declining, we can brake the car in time.

But now?

Educating our daughter as equal, quasi-friends with our daughter didn't work at all.

Because of the advice of friends, you can listen to it or not. Our binding force on her is too weak.

My experience is that too much respect for individuality and communication equality may not cultivate the child's inner autonomy, but the arrogance of no one in sight.

It does not cultivate the child's true independence, but the willfulness of not distinguishing between right and wrong.

16

Fu Yuming advised me that my children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren.

My daughter really doesn't want to study in the future, and when she comes back, we will raise her, can't she?

I knew he was also trying to persuade himself.

In the third year of high school, watching our excellent daughter go downhill without any countermeasures, especially listening to her swear words, our hearts are dripping blood.

And I decided to tell my unsolvable story because I really felt powerless lately.

I also want to remind the current new mother. When learning the so-called advanced educational concepts, we must first think about whether it is suitable for ourselves.

Because the side effects of education are not immediately reflected.

When the child grows up, it will be difficult to change.