Wen \Xiaowen
Professor Qu Limin, in her book Meditations on Life, did not hesitate to point out:
This point of view is really very incisive, if these are true, then it seems that marriage may be contrary to human nature, because men want to restrain women, but now women have knowledge and culture, who will want to be constrained by any system? Moreover, what a woman desires in marriage is love and soul, and how can a man who always wants a woman to be restrained and wants her to be obedient give a woman the true love of the soul? So, over time, a woman may get sick.
Most of us women are unhappy in marriage, and perhaps because of this, we just blindly follow the social trend, but after entering marriage, we find that it provides completely different from what we need, and naturally we will rebel and struggle, which is the source of pain.
So according to Professor Qu's "Meditations on Life", what should we do to avoid suffering? Let's first take a look at the hotbed of JIBING's emergence – the seven-year itch.
01. Why is the so-called "seven-year itch" appearing?
There is a special law in marriage, the so-called "seven-year itch", many partners seem to be unable to resist it, why?
From the perspective of human nature, it is actually very easy to understand, human nature is originally insatiable, like the new and tired of the old, just like eating a dish, at first eating it tastes particularly good, but after eating for ten consecutive years, it may be boring.
For example, before marriage, men see the woman's delicacy, think that her every movement is sweet, and they see the advantages. After the aesthetic fatigue after marriage, men began to dislike women, thinking that she was nagging all day, either calculating or calculating, which was simply incomprehensible.
And for women, this is even more true. Before marriage, I saw that the man was both handsome and masculine, felt that he was a harbor to rely on, and after many years of marriage, I found that he had many shortcomings, and he was also macho, and he felt unhappy at a glance, or felt that he did not care about himself at all, and felt that he had changed his mind.
In fact, have men and women changed? No, so why are you starting to get bored with each other? Because of human nature, this is a fact that there is no way to escape. At the beginning of marriage, there will be passion for each other to love and tolerate each other, but in about seven years, it is difficult for men and women in marriage to maintain passion, and when they no longer love each other, there is no longer tolerance, so the relationship between each other begins to have problems.
For such a fact that cannot be changed, is there a solution in Professor Qu's "Meditations on Life"? Yes, she pointed out two paths.
02. The first way: men should be more responsible
Professor Qu said in the Meditations on Life:
Yes, marriage for a man, perhaps to complete a task, he is about to deal with the pressure of life, so, he is no longer concerned about the emotional needs of women, but for women, more important is the need for love, they need romance, romance, holiday gifts and flowers.
Think of Professor Qu Limin mentioned in the "Meditations on Life", sophia, the wife of the great writer Tolstoy. In her diary, she has described the love entanglement between her and Tolstoy, and her diary shows with great sincerity the inner sorrow of a woman who accompanies a genius.
Many people think that being with a genius and winning the love of a genius is a very happy and joyful thing. But geniuses are mostly selfish, even selfish, and you follow him, often suffering from their dislike and complaints, disdain and scorn.
Isn't it? Such a woman who bore Tolstoy 13 children, copied several carriages of manuscripts for him, and worked for him all her life was refused to see him for the last time on his deathbed after running away from home. This is the price of marrying a genius man, who may have compassion for the poor masses, but only turn a blind eye to you and even hate it to the bone.
Of course, most of our men are not geniuses, but Tolstoy is the representative of "genius men", and their treatment of women's coldness is also to the extreme, so their marriage, seemingly beautiful, but like a black hole, will only suck the vitality of women, and the women they love are finally squeezed out of life.
Women's demands, pains, desires, they don't care, all they want is their own comfort and satisfaction, do they love you? Never, they loved only themselves, so Sophia's weak body and broken spirit were all due to Tolstoy.
Therefore, if a man truly loves a woman and wants to run a good marriage, they must understand that the insecurity in women's hearts is much greater than men think, women are willing to accompany them and assist them, all because they love them, if men can abandon selfishness, calm down, listen carefully to their wives' feelings, and soothe her emotions, then what they gain is a healthy and happy partner, and eventually they will feed back to them.
On the contrary, if men are always indifferent to women's emotional problems, not only do not appease, but may also contradict each other, then they may end up with an unhappy wife who is always full of resentment, then such a married life, men can not get happiness, just like Tolstoy, a man in his 80s, and trying to run away from home, obviously he feels that this family makes him unbearable, but what does the wife do wrong?
Yes, marriage is not only the combination of love, but also the mutual satisfaction of desires, and from the primitive nature, animals, are also males are more dominant, so men should treat women more responsible, more comforting, so that it is possible to truly be happy with each other.
03. The second way: women should learn to manage emotions
Professor Qu Limin once said in the Meditations on Life:
Such a point of view may not be agreed with you and me at first, but if you think about it carefully, it is actually very reasonable.
Marriage in ancient times did not talk about love at all, completely respected the orders of parents, the words of the matchmaker, but at that time the marriage was relatively stable, divorce was rare, two people did not even meet before marriage, where is the love? However, it is precisely because there is no love, so two people can go through their lives calmly.
Most modern people have to let love decide, but will people who enter marriage after becoming masters be happy? On the contrary, the divorce rate is getting higher and higher, which fully shows that in this marriage, the higher the component of love, it may be easier to cause each other's emotions to get out of control. Because of love, so care, because of care, so there are expectations, expectations are not met, there will be resentment, there will be out of control, especially for us women, emotion is not comfortable, that is the norm.
Yes, many people's marriages and health problems arise because of emotions. But most people are unable to manage and repair the scars of marriage and love, which leads to the increasing estrangement of many couples.
However, as you get older, you will also find that for anyone, having a healthy old age and having a harmonious marriage relationship is actually the most affordable and beneficial, so for us women, in addition to expecting men to have more responsibilities, we also have to learn to manage our emotions. How is it managed?
Fortunately, Professor Qu has written her way of health and understanding of life into "Meditations on Life", which can give us a lot of inspiration.
In fact, many of the problems in the body are mostly due to emotional problems, and the bigger problem lies in the nourishment of the mind and spirit. That's right, then if you want to be free from suffering, first of all, you need to strengthen your inner consciousness.
In addition, the book "Meditations on Life" uses the thinking of ZHOGNYI to conduct in-depth discussions on issues such as food and clothing, men and women, marriage, human XING, life and death, ZONGJIAO, etc., so as to better help us truly understand life, expand our pattern, flatten our emotions, and achieve "nourishing the heart" from "health".
If one day you stop falling in love with each other, remember these two things: men take care of things and women manage their emotions, and you win. And how to manage emotions? This book is a real cure, not a symptom.
Honey, if you are confused about marriage, have doubts about life, or are emotionally troubled, I sincerely recommend that you read the book "Meditations on Life" and believe that it will be your soul medicine and can cure your chronic emotional heart BING.
I think that after reading Professor Qu's book, you will definitely sigh that this is a wonderful book, and you will find that it can really solve too many problems in your marriage and also allow you to have a mental health life. There are a lot of specific suggestions and inspirations in "Meditations on Life" that will really benefit you a lot, so whether you see it yourself or give it to your family, it is a good choice, as a woman, you and I deserve it.
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