After Deng Lun was banned for tax evasion, there was a video of "My mother collapsed" on the B station, which quickly became popular.
In a short period of time, there were millions of views and thousands of comments. (Because the fermentation was too fast, now the video has been deleted)
The publisher is a young girl whose mother became obsessed with Deng Lun because she had watched ancient puppet dramas before and became an iron fan of Deng Lun. Not only did he loop Deng Lun's TV series and variety shows at home, giving people Amway Dun Lun, but even arguing with his family for idols.
Therefore, on the day that 315 learned of Deng Lun's collapse, she gave her mother "good news" for the first time: "Deng Lun collapsed, do you know? ”
In the video, the girl's words are also the joy and schadenfreude of the collapse of the mother idol, and it can be seen that the mother and daughter have accumulated a deep grudge because of the star chasing.
Tips: In the up master's follow-up reply, we learned that the mother lost both parents at the age of 19 and raised her younger siblings on her own. After getting married and having a second child, she was forced to become a stay-at-home mother. When the girl was a freshman in high school, her mother suffered from mental illness and had been treated by taking medicine. Until I began to chase the stars, I had spiritual sustenance, and my life would not be a pool of stagnant water.
And this video has also triggered a large number of netizens to discuss, and many peers have expressed their understanding of girls:
These comments are rife with the high-ranking judgments, harshness, contempt, and superiority of young people for middle-aged women chasing stars.
I don't know, but what do they think they did to commit adultery and murder and set fire to them?
But also, once a woman is labeled as a mother, she can no longer be herself.
You should belong to and belong only to the family.
The "crooked" mind outside the family, as long as you move is not! call! duty! (Irony here)
Why a young man chases the stars, everyone calls for understanding. But when the star-chaser becomes a mother, she becomes a selfish, stupid middle-aged woman?
In particular, these words come from the mouths of those closest to us, our children.
I can't help but think, if 20 years later, when I have a hard time pulling my children up, it is hard to have money and leisure to do what I like, to chase after the hot dramas and small stars who leaked out of the fans because I stayed up late with my baby, but I had to accept the blame or even harshness of my children for no reason, how uncomfortable would it be?
I don't mean to blame anyone, I'm just wondering how we, as moms, can avoid this situation.
Although parents do not ask their children for return, if the children are selfish and indifferent, they are indeed congested.
1. Women who are imprisoned by the title of "mother"
In fact, this is not the first time that someone has spit on the Internet about their mother chasing stars.
Last year, some people were hung on the Internet by their children because their mothers spent 800 yuan to buy a coffee machine endorsed by Love Bean.
In the end, the child said that "she is either reluctant to let her mother spend money, or simply feels that she is going to become a kind of obsessive fan."
Reading the whole text, it is very rational and sober, but it also reveals some selfishness in essence.
It seems that the money for her mother to chase the stars is all given by her, but in fact, her mother has a job, and the income is good, and the conditions at home are also good.
Feelings are that you can use luxury goods, play kryptonite games, buy limited edition sneakers to send boyfriends, but your mother's star chasing has become "crazy"?
It's a big deal.
It seems that the mother must have sacrificed herself to the family to be competent.
And if you don't do it, someone will immediately jump out and point at your nose to teach you.
One can accept a dad who drinks, smokes, fishes, plays games, or even sucks, but can't accept a star-chasing mom.
Not only star chasing, but there are too many mothers around who are disliked by their families because they like to play mahjong, dance square dance, shoot short videos or travel around, and are accused of ignoring their families.
Some time ago, my girlfriend also complained to me, because of her hungry mouth, I ate half a plate of my daughter's favorite deep-sea fish head in one go, and I was accused by my mother-in-law of not understanding things and being too selfish.
Mothers who are bound by the culture of motherhood, children, husbands, housework, mother-in-law disputes, human courtesy, and all kinds of trivial things can naturally be arranged in front of the mother.
Under the confinement of the motherhood culture of society, the will of the mother herself is no longer important, and the family and children begin to become the core of them.
As Gu Jia said in "Thirty Only": "After becoming a mother, the biggest feeling is to hold back, to be in the title of mother." From the moment of the birth of the moon, Gu Jia has ceased to exist, and from then on, I am Xu Ziyan's mother."
2) If you keep sacrificing your own needs, everything becomes a matter of course
Sometimes, not only the people around them, but even the mothers themselves feel that they should make sacrifices, putting their children and families first, and their own needs are all on the side.
The nature of motherhood makes us willing to constantly compress our own survival time, eat fast, sleep in pieces, and spend almost all of our time and energy on children.
How many mothers, in other families to coax their children to play, hide themselves to chase the drama, brush the mobile phone, will unconsciously have a sense of guilt, feel "these times if I use it to accompany the child how good it is."
It's not easy, someone with a child, they can go out to meet the little sister, but after playing for half a day, they will be tormented by thoughts and guilt, "Leave the child alone, is this really good?" ”。
So I rushed home without having fun, and did not forget to bring a small gift to the child before returning.
The identity of the mother has allowed us to gain a lot, but also lost ourselves.
After a man has a family and children, he can still be free as if he were single. But when a woman has a child, she wears a layer of shackles, a layer of shackles.
Do we really not need to relax? Do you really not care about being called for granted by others? Is it really willing to sacrifice without a bottom line? Is it really indifferent to accusations from children or others?
The answer is clear to everyone.
Remember the 56-year-old Aunt Sue who drove away from home and traveled by herself?
The first few decades of her life, she spent it with dedication and patience.
After getting married and having children, in order for her daughter to have a complete home, she endured a violent husband.
When her daughter grew up, in order not to make her daughter work hard, she began to take care of her grandchildren again, washing and cooking, and all-inclusive housework.
But when Aunt Su finished all this for her children, she found that she had passed most of her life, and she was a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mother, and a grandmother, but she was not herself, and she had not lived for herself.
So, in her life after the age of 56, she abandoned all her identities and only became herself and only pleased herself.
It's not that to be yourself is to cut off everything that binds you (if so, then the majority of male compatriots will hate me), but it's just that mothers should not forget themselves in some trade-offs.
You are yourself first, and then you are your mother and wife.
Blindly selfless giving is great, but it must not be what children need most.
You don't need to be a perfect mother, and you don't need to be the most virtuous and sensible wife, you are yourself, and for your children, you are the best mother in the world.
What's more important than teaching children to be themselves?
3. What should we pay attention to in the upbringing of children?
It's not that the more you give, the better the parent-child relationship will be.
Many times even the more you give, the more chilling your child becomes.
It is really not a child white-eyed wolf, who does not know how to be grateful, which is based on psychology - a person's gratitude needs motivation:
Why do strangers raise their hands and we are all grateful to Dade, but turn a blind eye to the efforts of our families?
Because the former does not owe you, give you one more point, are worthy of gratitude.
And the family's efforts, the child takes for granted, every day to wake him up, one day forgot to complain about you; every day to cook for him, a meal is not appetizing, but also to count you.
Although it is very heartfelt, this is indeed an objective law of human nature.
Of course, we can't jump out of this predestined role, but even if we don't want to be grateful, we should let our children learn to be grateful:
1, less tricks, do not do too much for children
He doesn't have to do everything, he can do what he can as much as he can.
Such as independently complete the homework that will be done, wash your own small socks, etc.
Let the child experience more, if the parents do not do certain things, leave it to the hard work and hardships of their own.
2. Let the child take on some family responsibilities
Such as doing some housework within your ability, sweeping the floor, washing dishes, etc., the family duty schedule should occasionally have children's turn.
The child always skips the responsibility and sits directly to enjoy it, and he can only see the ease of "getting": what is wrong with the sofa? You're not ready to pack up all at once! What's wrong with the dirty ground, you don't wipe it clean in minutes!
Is it really that simple? You try it!
3. Often ask your child for help
Take the initiative to provide some opportunities for empathy experience, so that children can determine their own value through this sense of need, and then be more willing to pay.
4. Let the child see the parents' efforts
Whether the recipient is grateful depends on how much he thinks the benefactor has paid.
But this year's children, the clothes are washed by the washing machine, the ground is swept by robots, and even the matter of making money seems to be that the wind can't blow or the rain can't hit, and sitting in front of the computer typing is completed.
If a child thinks that the cost of raising himself is easy and worthless for his parents, he will not be grateful.
So, don't hide your hard work, we can let our children see our efforts.
Let him know: I didn't have to do this, or didn't have to do so much, because I loved you, so I wanted to.
When children see the hardships of their parents, understand the price their parents pay, and know that many things parents are doing their best and giving them all. He will cherish what he has more now, and he will be more grateful for his parents' efforts.
Of course, it's one thing for children to learn to be grateful, and more importantly, honey, you don't forget yourself.