Education is a long practice.
The father is not absent, and the mother is emotionally stable, in order to cultivate a sunny, optimistic, confident and good child.
There is a saying:
God gives you an absent father, and he will give you an anxious mother who will eventually raise a runaway child.
The essence of the family is "love", and the essence of education is "rules".
At home, emotional mothers are more likely to teach their children "what is family, what is love, what is security." Rational fathers, on the other hand, are more likely to teach their children, "What are the rules and regulations of society."
Therefore, to lead children from the family to the society, the responsibility of the father is often greater than the mother.
But the reality is that many fathers are busy with their careers and work, and they rarely care about their children's learning and life, and mothers have to take on most of the responsibility of educating their children.
This creates a vicious circle: inactive fathers are becoming more and more marginalized, anxious mothers are becoming more and more aggressive, and children in the cracks are getting harder and harder.
01
In the absence of the father, it is difficult for the child to have a complete personality
Psychology believes that:
The influence of the mother on the child is mainly whether the child can become an independent person, while the father is to shape the child's view of life, which is related to the formation of personality.
If the father is absent for a long time in the process of growing up, it is very easy to lead to defects in the child's personality and emotions.
Psychologists have found that children who do not receive enough love and companionship from their fathers are prone to anxiety, loneliness, low self-esteem, poor self-control, and even personality and behavior problems such as aggression, like competition, and rebellion.
These are known as "paternalism syndrome."
Statistics from experts on marriage issues in the United States show that:
Children with "paternalism syndrome" as children who fully enjoy paternal love have a secondary school dropout rate and an adult crime rate that is 2 times higher than those who fully enjoy paternal love;
If it is a girl, the chances of becoming a single mother are 3 times higher when they grow up.
The father is not only a companion in the child's growth process, he is also a leader in building the child's sense of security and shaping the child's personality.
Fathers are peculiar beings who have a special power in raising children.
The absence of the father will deprive the child of some opportunities for social order, world norms, codes of conduct and other opportunities for life outlook education.
02
The anxiety of the mother makes it difficult for the child to have the ability to be happy
The most direct consequence of the absence of the father is the harvest of an anxious and grumpy mother, followed by the disintegration of the family.
When a mother has almost no time of her own 24 hours a day, the focus of life is completely around the child and the family, when encountering things that no one can discuss and can only carry on their own, for a long time, anxiety and resentment have no outlet, can only rely on scolding the child to discourage.
Why are moms always so anxious?
In the final analysis, it is that one person bears too much and no one shares.
The mother's anxieties and needs, which should be borne by the husband, are projected onto the child, and the child is also depressed, struggling, tyrannical, and disguised in various emotions.
03
The complete love of parents can provide sufficient nourishment for children
If you want to change the family mode of "father is absent and mother is anxious", you need to cooperate and accept each other:
1. Don't neglect the intimacy between couples
What you should be most intimate with is your wife or your husband.
Only when men return to the identity of husbands will they have more love for their children.
When the wife feels the love of her husband, she will slowly let go of anxiety and infect the child with more gentle and firm love.
2. Respect each other's parenting philosophies and ways
When dad doesn't do well, some moms can't help but criticize their husbands.
Dad is frustrated, his parenting enthusiasm and enthusiasm are hit, and he gradually becomes self-destructive:
"I don't do anything right anyway, and instead of being scolded, I'm better off doing nothing."
In fact, the father also loves the child, but the expression is different, we must allow the father to flow with this love for the child.
Differences in parenting styles can be discussed when neither partner has emotions, so that the other person knows his thoughts and feelings.
3. Moms need to release themselves appropriately from the family
Women need to develop a life outside of the family, rather than revolving around their children every day. Otherwise, in the long run, family relationships can easily be out of balance.
Contradictions, resentment, and quarrels will also ensue, and children will not be happy at all in such an environment, but they are easy to be kidnapped by the mother's wishful thinking.
Only a mother who is not blindly strong, can respect herself, and relax herself can make her children feel relaxed.
When they become more and more excellent, the relationship between husband and wife becomes more and more harmonious, and the growth of children will become smoother and happier.
4. Dad needs to focus on returning to the family
As a father, don't forget your responsibilities as a father and husband, and leave as much time as possible outside of work to the family, to your partner and children.
Say goodbye to your child before going out, give a warm hug when you get home, and spend 10 minutes before going to bed telling a goodnight story.
Helping your wife share some of the chores at home, discussing issues with her, and being willing to take the time to actively participate in family life.
Because that will complete the growth of a child and achieve the happiness of a family.
04
Family education is essentially a "conspiracy" of parents' love
A harmonious and stable family needs to be managed, relying on the dedication and enthusiasm of both husband and wife.
A harmonious and stable family can achieve a child with physical and mental health, optimistic personality and sound personality development.
As parents, we must love our children correctly and create a warm and loving family atmosphere.
A father who is not absent gives the child the first sense of security in life and will accompany and protect the child throughout his life.
A mother who is not anxious, with a peaceful mood, conveys the most gentle emotions in the world, and casts a warm corner in the child's heart.
Dad loves Mom, Mom respects Dad, and parents work together to teach children what love is and how to love.
I believe that children who grow up in love will always receive special treatment from the years.
Click to see, encourage with the king, walk with love.