Friends who like "Dream of the Red Chamber" will probably find that in ancient times, these powerful families, their marriages, are indeed very particular about the door to the door.
For example, Jia Mu, the mother's family is "Jinling Historian". There was also Madame Wang and Wang Xifeng, the mother-in-law of these two sisters and nephews, which was the "Jinling Royal Family" that even the Dragon King of the East Sea had to come to borrow the white jade bed.
They call this marriage, that is, there is no emotion.
However, everything in this world, if there is a routine, there must be exceptions.
Just like Jia Rong's wife Qin Keqing.
Qin Keqing was different from her mother-in-law, Lady You. Lady You was very likely, originally just a concubine, and then the main room died, jia Zhen helped her to the right.
And Qin Keqing is Jia Rong's eight-wheeled caravan, the wife that Ming Media is marrying.
It is reasonable to say that Jia Rong is also a descendant of Ning Guofu, and Qin Keqing's father, Qin Ye, is just a small camp of the Ministry of Works. With such a disparity in family lineage, why did these two people come together?
This is because when the ancients chose a wife, in addition to the door to the door, there is also such a consideration:
"It is better to marry a woman than to be in my family."
- "The Treasure Book of the Clear Heart"
What does this mean? That is to say, when choosing a daughter-in-law, if conditions permit, you should still choose one that is not as good as your own family.
Of course, this is not to say that as long as it is not as good as it is, you should marry back home.
Taking this Qin Keqing as an example, although she came from a family of small officials, her father Qin Ye was a clean official, and she also attached great importance to the education of her children. This can be seen from a detail in the eighth episode of "Dream of the Red Chamber".
In this chapter, when Qin Ye learns that his son Qin Zhong is going to go to school with Jia Baoyu in jia fu's school:
"Very joyful, but the eunuch is shy..."
But even so, he still cobbled together 24 taels of silver and respectfully sent it to Jia Dairu. It can be seen from this that Qin Ye attaches great importance to education and how shabby he is as an official.
Of course, people in ancient times were more or less patriarchal.
In the education of Qin Keqing, Qin Ye may not have laid down such a large amount of blood, but at least like what kind of training and what kind of women's morality, there must be no less instilling.
Qin Ye has a good official reputation, and Qin Keqing has a good tutor.
This is probably the reason why Qin Keqing was able to marry into Jia Province and become the grandmother of Xiao Rong in Ningguo Province. The reason could not be more obvious, and what Jia Fu lacks the most is precisely these two points.
It can also be seen from here that in the matter of marrying a daughter-in-law, sometimes it is better to choose the right door, but it is better to choose one that is not as good as his own family, but the tutoring and door style are better.
Anyway, in ancient times, people thought so.
As for the reason, it is simple and realistic:
"If it is not my family, then the wife's uncle will do the woman's way."
Who is the "uncle"? In fact, it is the in-laws.
The meaning of this sentence is that if you marry a daughter-in-law who is not as good as your own family, if the tutor and door style are also good, don't say that the husband will teach the children, even your parents can have a happy old age.
This is why in our country, when a son marries a daughter-in-law, it is a matter of parents.
Of course, when this situation develops to the extreme, there will be a drawback, that is, "the order of the parents, the words of the matchmaker". The two of them may not have met, and it is indeed ridiculous that they will live a life as a result.
Fortunately, our current marriage is not like this.
We now pay attention to the freedom of love and the autonomy of marriage. The only thing parents can do is to be busy when they get married and nag when they divorce.
But then another problem arises:
What about parents in their later years?
The children were raised and married, and the two young people lived a small life. The old two are not too old, the legs and feet are still convenient, of course, there is no problem. But wait until the seventies and eighties, the action is inconvenient, what to do?
Therefore, in the future, the days of the elderly will become more and more difficult.
Especially the parents of boys.
The things of this world, like this, are often too late.
Either it's overdoing it, or it's not being done.
Want to do just right? It's really hard. After all, the question of "degree" is really difficult to grasp. Why is it so hard to grasp? It's because we tend to put too much emphasis on one aspect.
Too much emphasis on one aspect, this is called extreme, and the corresponding other aspect will inevitably regurgitate.
It's like being in love and marriage. Too much emphasis on "the order of parents, the words of the matchmaker", there is no "freedom of love, marriage autonomy", so it will be reversed, which will cause tragedy for young people. But if too much emphasis is placed on "freedom of love and autonomy of marriage", will the tragedy fall on the parents?
What to do? It can only be both, and it is better to grasp the "degree".
From this point of view, some of the methods and experiences of the ancients are not necessarily all feudal remnants, and all of them must be thrown into the garbage can. Some of them should be learned.