Emotions are a unique proof that everyone is born, everyone has different emotions, but everyone's stories are the same, hello! Hello, I am Yu'er, pay attention to my words, into your heart!
Writer Su Qian said:
You don't have to invite too many people into your life, if they can't get into your heart, they will only crowd your life.
Truly intelligent people know how to stay away from uncomfortable relationships and not let themselves fall into self-depletion.
The so-called self-depletion originates from the psychologist Baumeister's theory of "self-depletion".
Roughly speaking, people's energy is limited, and we are consuming our own energy when dealing with everything.
In psychology, there is a similar phenomenon - internal friction effect.
Internal friction effect refers to the negative effect phenomenon caused by unnecessary consumption of human and material resources caused by incongruity or contradiction.
When you feel exhausted in a relationship, it is likely that the internal consumption is dragging down your emotions and energy.
The reason for the internal friction effect, in addition to cognitive differences, personality differences, and differences in living habits, is also emotional conflict.
The common mother-in-law contradiction in real life is actually an internal friction.
The best way to solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and reduce internal friction is to maintain a certain distance.
As psychologist Wu Di said: The best mother-in-law relationship is that there is no relationship.
01. Children are not brought with them during the summer vacation
Netizen Xie Huan (pseudonym) has recently had a headache because the child is on summer vacation.
Xie Huan is a 29-year-old mother whose child has just turned 4 years old and attends a kindergarten class.
In the variety show "Mom is Superman", there is a sentence: Mom's daily life is the most difficult exam.
It is true, especially for a mom from a dual-career family.
Xie Huan and her husband Wu Hao (pseudonym) both have jobs, and both are 996 working systems. Busy work, coupled with a child who needs to be taken care of, every day is a test for Xie Huan.
Xie Huan gets up at 6:10 a.m. every morning, washes and cooks, and prepares kindergarten clothes for the child; at 7 o'clock, he wakes up, helps him get dressed, takes him to wash, and goes to the bathroom.
At 7:25, the two ate together, and then hurried out, around 7:50, to send the child to the kindergarten. Finally, she had to go to the company before 8 o'clock to punch in.
Xie Huan helped the child with a lunch and evening care.
Xie Huan left work at 18:30, stopped by the supermarket to buy some food, and at 19:00 went to the evening nursery teacher to pick up the child home.
After returning home, Xie Huan couldn't take care of the child he hadn't seen for a day, so he warmed up and started preparing dinner again.
After eating, the husband is responsible for washing dishes, cleaning up the tables and chairs, cleaning the kitchen; Xie Huan helps the child take a bath and wash clothes, plays with the child for a while, and then coaxes him to go to sleep...
02. Husband proposes a solution
Plato once said: Everyone you meet is fighting a difficult battle.
Xie Huan is "fighting a war" every day. However, the child is on summer vacation, this battle can not be fought, she can not always take two months off, at home with the child.
Xie Huan is married far away, there is no mother's family to rely on, and her parents cannot come to her to help her watch the children.
The in-laws are also unreliable, and the relationship between Xie Huan and her mother-in-law is not good.
In the local area, the concept of geography is relatively strong, and it is difficult for the daughter-in-law to integrate into the in-laws' family, and it is even more difficult for her to integrate into a distant daughter-in-law.
In fact, Xie Huan's personality is quite docile. But people have a kind of inferiority, and the more docile and obedient you behave, the easier it is for others to gain inches on you.
The mother-in-law did not like her.
Therefore, in the beginning, Xie Huan would rather bear a debt than move away from her in-laws' house, and she tried to raise enough down payments to buy a house in the county.
After buying a house, the economic pressure doubled. Coupled with the fact that Xie Huan has been a full-time mother at home for several years because of the birth of a child, she does not dare to resign now, and she has no money to hire a nanny.
When Xie Huan was worried, Wu Hao suddenly came to him with joy and said that he had found a solution, he said: "Wife, the child is not brought with her during the summer vacation, and my mother will come to help." ”
However, Xie Huan was not happy.
Because, if the mother-in-law came over, she would bring the two children of the eldest brother's family with her. The eldest brother has two children, both boys, the eldest is 6 years old and the younger is 3 years old.
In addition to not liking her, another important reason why her mother-in-law did not help her with her children before was that she had to take two grandchildren with her big brother's house.
In the eyes of the mother-in-law's generation, grandchildren are naturally more important than granddaughters. Xie Huan could understand this.
In fact, Xie Huan did not like her mother-in-law to come and help. Although she is tired and financially stressed by herself with her children, she is at least mentally happy and her family is harmonious.
03. The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an internal friction
Last year, my mother-in-law brought two grandchildren to live for half a month.
In that half a month, it was simply a chicken flying dog jumping, a chicken feather, making Xie Huan anxious, and finally getting upset with his mother-in-law.
It was also summer vacation, my daughter had not yet gone to kindergarten, and Xie Huan had not yet gone to work.
After all, the mother-in-law is older, one person with two grandchildren, some of the strength has not been caught.
And the two little boys are more naughty, and they grew up in the countryside, and in the small suite, they can't idle at all, making the room dirty and messy.
The decoration, furniture and appliances in the room are all saved by Xie Huan's hard work, and she is distressed to see two children coming chaotically.
However, she said that she could not say it, and she could not scold it. Because the mother-in-law was next to her, her tone was slightly heavier, and the mother-in-law was not happy. In order to avoid causing disputes between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, she had to endure.
While taking his daughter, Xie Huan also helped her mother-in-law to see her two grandchildren together, exhausted every day.
What made Xie Huan speechless the most was that she spent a lot of time, energy and money to entertain the three in-laws and grandchildren, and finally the mother-in-law did not have a word of thanks and left in a negative mood.
That day, Xie Huan took her daughter to dinner at the dinner table.
The mother-in-law also brought the eldest grandson to eat together, during which the little grandson wanted to "pull the toilet", the mother-in-law took the children's toilet and put it on the dining table, so that the little grandson could sit on it...
Xie Huan couldn't help but say two words, the mother-in-law was not happy, she felt that the child had something to do with it, and it didn't stink.
Because of this matter, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law argued a few words. The mother-in-law decided that Xie Huan hated them for being unhygienic and left the next day.
04. Stay away from uncomfortable relationships in order to enjoy a happy life
Now a year later, the mother-in-law is one year older and less healthy than before; the two children are a year older and more and more naughty. The mother-in-law said that she came to help watch the children, but in fact, she was getting more and more helpful.
Xie Huan felt that it was already very difficult to bring a child, and now that it had become 3, it was absolutely thankless. Moreover, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also gives her a headache, after all, there have been lessons from the past.
For the solution proposed by Wu Hao, Xie Huan directly refused, she said to Wu Hao: "Don't, I don't want 1 child to become 3 children..."
Life became crowded, and Xie Huan could bear it.
But the days flew by, and even became an internal friction, she could not accept.
Xie Huan thought about it again and decided to go to her daughter's summer school, and the problems that could be solved with money should not be used for human feelings.
Despite the financial pressure, at least life can be peaceful and self-depletion can be reduced.
However, Wu Hao was distressed about money, and he did not agree with Xie Huan's approach.
Xie Huan argued with him. In fact, when the three mother-in-law and grandchildren came, Xie Huan also had to spend a lot of money and shoulder a personal favor, and it was likely that he would eventually disperse unhappily.
Xie Huan saw that he could not convince Wu Hao, so he posted on the Internet to ask, should he let his mother-in-law take two children and come over to help see the children?
Zhou Guoping said: Happiness is to do what you like and be with the people you like.
It is not necessary to invite too many people into life, away from uncomfortable relationships, in order to reduce internal friction.
Only by being with the people you like and doing the things you like can you enjoy a happy life.
Well, today is here, I hope that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Yu'er, please pay attention to me, give the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~