The small dining table is also the best ashram for family education.
The upbringing carved in the bones and the habit of putting others in their hearts are the most valuable assets left by parents to their children.
Author | Coke Mom
Why children are becoming more and more selfish
You've made a mistake since you picked up the dish
A few days ago, I saw a message from a reader in the background, the reader is a mother, and there is a son who is in his second year of high school.
A week ago, my mother had a sudden onset of appendicitis and was taken to the hospital by a colleague, and my father rushed to the hospital after hearing about it.
At about 7 p.m., my son called and asked why there was no one in the house.
Dad said:
"Your mother has appendicitis to have surgery, and I'm in the hospital."
Unexpectedly, the son not only did not have a word of greeting his mother's body, but complained impatiently:
"I'll have to go to study late in a moment."
You're all in the hospital, so what do I eat at night? ”
Dad was stunned, angry and cold:
"That's your mother, who serves you well and well on weekdays, and now that she's sick, you don't pay any attention."
I love to eat what I eat, I don't believe I can starve you white-eyed wolf! ”
After saying that, I picked up the phone.
At this moment, the couple looked at each other, and they both saw helplessness and regret in each other's eyes.
It turns out that on weekdays, even if the work is busy, the couple must ensure that their son can eat hot soup and hot rice when he returns home;
What is delicious at home, the first chopsticks must also be clipped to the son.
But I didn't want this long-standing habit to make children like this.
The same is the child.
Why do some children have parents in their hearts at a young age, bringing tea and water for their parents, without complaint;
And some children are about to reach adulthood, when their parents are sick, they do not even have the minimum care, the first thing that comes to mind is only themselves?
In fact, it is the preference and special care of parents at the dinner table that give birth to the selfishness and indifference of children.
The way a child eats
Exposes the undertone of your homeschooling
I remember one time, I went to a cousin's house as a guest.
There was a plate of braised prawns in oil for dinner, and one of the older relatives clipped one by hand, and the cousin's son fried it on the spot:
"Whoever allowed you to eat it, it was made for me by my mother!"
The cousin was a little embarrassed and reprimanded her son a few times.
But the boy did not spare, smashed the rice bowl on the spot, and kept crying in his throat.
In the end, the whole family was displeased.
Later, I learned that it turned out that as long as my cousin's family made something delicious, they would eat it first with their son.
He had had enough to eat, and the adults in the family began to move their chopsticks.
Another time, in order to fry chicken wings for her son, my cousin accidentally got splashed with oil, and a row of large blisters was burned on her hand on the spot.
During the meal, Grandma said to her grandson:
"Give your mother one first, she's cooking today with a broken hand!"
Unexpectedly, this child stared at the TV and said expressionlessly:
"It wasn't me who let her blow it up, I was clumsy, what does it have to do with me?"
At this moment, my cousin's tears could not be stopped any longer.
How could she not figure out how the child who had taken her own life to hurt had ended up like this?
In fact, in life, many parents are like cousins, thinking that the family is not so particular about eating, and always indulges their children at the dinner table without a bottom line.
But I forgot that there is nothing trivial at the dinner table.
Years later, whether a child is good at sharing or solipsism, whether he is respected or teased depends on his family education from an early age.
I've seen a news story before:
A well-known company recruited 8 new employees, and in the final link, the leader invited them to a meal.
Unexpectedly, the meal ended, and one of them was eliminated.
Here's the thing:
The leader asked everyone to order, and one employee was from Sichuan, and immediately ordered a few special spicy dishes.
But these few dishes, except for him, no one in the audience could swallow at all.
Not only that, after each dish came up, he would use chopsticks to constantly stir, while holding food, while commenting on the dishes.
It was this employee's performance at the dinner table that made the leader realize:
This is a selfish, uncultured person. In his future work, it is difficult for him to have team spirit.
Some people say that the dinner table is the classroom of upbringing.
That's not a bad thing to say.
Many parents complain about their children's indifference and selfishness, but in fact, every child starts out as a blank piece of paper.
What kind of education you give him, what kind of person he will become in the future.
Many times, it is the spoiling and indulgence of adults that makes children have the illusion that "the heavens and the earth are not as big as me".
On the contrary, if at the dinner table, parents can consciously guide their children to share and give thanks, then over time, children can naturally learn to love and be grateful.
A family of the most advanced ostentatious wealth
It is to raise a child who has someone else in mind
Inadvertently, I saw such a news on the Internet:
Inside the hotel, a grandfather brought his seven- or eight-year-old grandson to dinner and ordered a set menu.
Because Grandpa was old, his hands always trembled when he took chopsticks.
When the little boy saw it, he immediately brought the meal to his grandfather.
Then, half-kneeling on the seat, he straightened his upper body and patiently fed Grandpa a spoonful to eat first.
Even if Grandpa ate slowly, the boy did not show a look of impatience, but waited silently until Grandpa swallowed a mouthful of food.
Looking at his careful and skillful movements, I knew that this child was not the first time to do so.
I can't help but think of what Zeng Shiqiang, a master of traditional Chinese studies, said:
"The best education is not to make a child a genius, but to let him have parents in his heart."
Deeply.
The greatest blessing of a parent's life is never how well the child learns and how high the achievement is.
Rather, children can always have a grateful heart, care and love the people around them from the bottom of their hearts, and do their best to do what they can for their families.
Eventually, his understanding and upbringing will become his life's worth.
In the zhihu question "Which moment of a girl will make you feel very cultured?" Next, there is this answer:
After the netizen went to college, he became good friends with the other three girls in the dormitory.
In the third year of college, netizens moved out of the dormitory in order to intern, but often invited a few roommates to dinner in the house they rented.
However, two of the roommates left each time with enough to eat and drink.
There is only one girl, not only will come in advance to help netizens prepare ingredients, but also clean up with her after eating.
Gradually, netizens became estranged from the other two girls.
And the girl who would help every time, the two of them are still friends.
After graduation, the girl failed to pass the graduate school, and netizens also used their connections to help her find the job she wanted.
No one is an island, and every day in this world, we can't help but deal with people.
And those children who have parents in their hearts will naturally care for and take care of others.
He often thinks about others, and when he falls, others are more willing to help him, so as not to let him fall into a helpless situation.
Wanting children is not selfish
Parents should be educated in this way at the dinner table
Education expert Li Meijin said in her speech:
"The core of the home is not the sofa TV, but the dining table.
When the child enters the dinner table, he begins to become a member of the family, and we begin to form a collective impression of the home as a whole, not as a single. ”
Therefore, in order to cultivate a grateful and educated child, parents must pay attention to these few things:
1. Children are not allowed to eat before they arrive
In some families, the parents are still busy in the kitchen, but the children have eaten almost all.
Some parents, as soon as they hear their children crying and crying hunger, are busy giving their children snacks and letting him pad them first.
As everyone knows, just a few minutes will not starve a child, but can teach him respect.
Professor Li Meijin suggested in her speech that when children cry out that they are hungry, parents can tell their children:
I'm hungry myself, so if you want to start a meal quickly, you can come and help.
If a family member cannot go home to eat, the adult should also take the child to divide a clean meal for him in advance.
A small act, but subtly taught the child to share and respect.
2. Don't put the best meals in front of your children, but give them to your elders
Lu Qin, deputy editor-in-chief of China Children's Press and Publication Corporation, once said:
"A family, if the parents are in the wrong position at the dinner table, there will be no place for you in the future."
Today's children are the treasures of the family, and even there are often several elderly people in a family circling around a child.
However, some children are spoiled.
Calling and drinking at home to the elderly, and being solipsistic at the dinner table, such a child will eventually grow crooked.
Putting good dishes in front of the elders is the most basic courtesy.
You can also subtly tell your child who is the most important person in a family.
3. Children are not allowed to use the family as a restaurant and pick and choose the meals that their parents have worked so hard to cook
You know, a home is not a restaurant.
A vegetable and a meal may not be exquisite enough, but it is made by parents to the best of their ability.
Parents must teach their children from an early age, be grateful for the efforts of adults, do not think that all this is easy, and pick faults with meals.
4. Children are not allowed to wipe their mouths and leave immediately after eating
There is a word in psychology called "feeling of being unashamed."
It means that when a person is used to acceptance, he will feel that everything is taken for granted.
As a parent, we must let the child develop a good habit of helping to clean up the tableware and clean up the garbage after eating, and only in this way can the child see the hardships of his parents and experience the hardships of his parents.
In the process of labor and pay, learn to shoulder the responsibility and responsibility.
Writer Bi Shumin said:
"Parents of the world, if you love your children, you must let him start to love you and the people around you when you can.
This is not the selfishness of adults, but the vision of thinking about the child's life. ”
Teaching children to be grateful and teach children to share is not to tell him how difficult it is for parents to tell him how important it is to be humble and polite.
Rather, it is to subtly teach children the ability to love and be grateful between meals and meals.
Parents, although do not want their children to repay the favor.
But a child who can see his parents is not easy can give his parents more warmth and care.
I hope that all parents can educate their children well at the dinner table, and finally, raise a child who puts their parents in mind.