What is the experience of being blocked from the circle of friends by your own children?
I believe that the vast majority of parents will feel very frustrated, lost, and even devastated.
Even Fu Seoul, who has always been very advanced in parenting concepts and is quite confident in parent-child relationships, once felt very hurt when he talked about being blocked from the circle of friends by his son.
It turned out that after her son's 12th birthday party, he sent a circle of friends thanking many people, but did not mention his parents. Moreover, this message directly blocked Fu Seoul. So much so that she fell into extreme self-doubt: "Don't I deserve your thanks?" ”
After that, Fu Seoul also sent a weibo complaint:
Being a mother is just learning to get along with children, he has grown up, so he has to figure out how to get along with teenagers. My son blocked me funny, did not block our mutual friends, and was discovered by me.
I asked: Why block moms?
He replied: There are always some feelings that I don't want to be known by my parents!
……
I can only weakly and lightly ask: Oh? For example, what are the feelings?
He said: I'm twelve years old and still want to paraphrase me? Can you respect the IQ of a teenager?
As a result, there was a lot of joy in the comments section:
"I was relieved to see everyone like this";
"Although, however, I also blocked my mother";
"Hahaha! No matter how strong the parenting strength of the mother, can not stand the child will grow up"...
Children who used to be well-behaved and obedient and liked to share everything with their parents suddenly one day began to close the door and have their own little secrets. It is estimated that anyone can't accept it at first, right?
01. Why do children choose to block their parents?
There is such a sentence, when a man suddenly gets serious, there are only two situations: there is a girl who likes it; he is added to WeChat by his mother.
In fact, the same goes for grown-up children.
There are only two reasons why children choose to block their parents:
Entering the rebellious period of youth
Da Zhang Wei is in a sentence in the program: Children have such behavior, in fact, they have entered a period of rebellion.
Children entering puberty, self-awareness awakens rapidly. They have a stronger sense of independence and more assertiveness.
One website has conducted interviews and surveys of junior high school students, and most of the students said that their social accounts will add parents, which is completely "forced". Therefore, it is generally only to send some irrelevant content, or simply block parents.
One is that they pursue independence of thought; the other is that there is a generation gap, afraid that their parents will not understand.
In fact, children of this age do not want to mix with parents and parents, but only want to share with classmates and friends, which is very normal.
Parents usually regulate too strictly
Some parents are always worried that their children will not study well, early love, etc. Therefore, I always can't help but want to spy on one or two through diaries and social information.
Such 360-degree "monitoring" without dead angles will only make children feel suffocated and want to escape. It is not surprising that the circle of friends blocks parents.
02, to be a complete and true self, but also need space
Leaving aside children, haven't we adults ever shielded our parents?
Of course!
One netizen complained that since adding her mother as a friend, her life has undergone earth-shaking changes.
For example, she forwarded a picture and sent a little emotion, and was shocked by her mother's "life-threatening serial questions".
Then, spend half an hour explaining that it has nothing to do with you; spend another half an hour making sure you never drink alcohol in the future...
There is also a netizen forwarded a funny post, the name of the article is called "when you were a child, your parents beat you before the opening statement, properly are all biological", was seen by an aunt who knew, and asked the netizen's mother why she beat the child when she was a child.
As a result, his mother scolded him with a scolding face: "Whoever beat you, don't frame me!" ”
see! We just send some sighs and retweets some posts casually, which can easily misunderstand parents who do not understand our living conditions.
Gradually, we will no longer show our true and complete selves in the circle of friends, at least not "unadorned" to our parents. Like what:
Send a circle of friends as far as possible not too late, save yourself from being forced by your parents to ask why you don't sleep; send food photos, but also consider whether these foods are garbage products in the eyes of your parents; send outdoor activity photos, but also pick some safe, so as not to let parents worry...
When it's too tiring to do all this, you can only choose to block your parents in groups.
Therefore, don't think that the fact that the child shields himself is too frustrating and sad, this is exactly the only way for the child to grow.
Although they are not yet adults, they have formed their own three views and need to have a certain space.
03, children into puberty, what should parents do?
So, when children enter puberty and begin to have secrets and rebellions, what should we do?
1. Listen more and nag less
Puberty is the only way for every child to grow, although each child is different, but there will be some rebellious behavior in the eyes of parents.
At this time, do not interfere, otherwise it will only make the parent-child relationship worse. Adolescent children, the more disciplined, the more rebellious.
Parents may wish to listen more, nag less, silently pay attention to, understand and tolerate children's behavior and emotional changes, and then find ways to resolve.
When parents consider problems from the perspective of their children, they can get the respect and trust of their children.
2. Be patient
Da Zhang Wei once said that the rebellion of teenagers is like a cold, no matter how hard you try, he will take a while to get better.
Blocked by the child, parents will inevitably feel frustrated, feel that whether they are not doing well enough, the child will be like this. Actually, not quite. Children in adolescence may just not know how to get along with their parents.
Because, some ideas, some feelings, it is natural to share with friends and classmates, but sharing with parents feels a little strange, so simply block.
At this time, parents may wish to respect their children's choices and wait patiently.
Or, pick some topics that are not related to learning and emotions, such as hobbies, sports, entertainment, etc., and try to integrate into the child's world. Parent-child communication has become smooth, and it is not far from the day when the child opens his heart.
3) Love is a decent exit
It is natural for parents to love their children, but love does not mean controlling their children, because control will make children feel disgusted and suffocated.
Psychology Wu Zhihong once said: Separation and love are equally important, they are the two most important themes in life, they work together, let a person grow, let a person become himself.
Children enter puberty, which means that they are one step further away from us.
There may be sadness, there may be reluctance, but love, like sand in your hand, the more you try to grasp it, the faster it will lose.
Instead of "losing both", it is better to face the fact that the child has grown up and gradually withdraw decently.
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| La Mama, a multi-platform contracted author, likes to read classic parenting and psychology books, and focuses on scientific parenting and parent-child emotions.
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