Author | Lee walnut
A junior high school boy in Xi'an, his knees hurt badly, to the point where he could not walk and needed his father to walk on his back.
At first, his family took him to the orthopedic department. But no matter how many tests are done, the cause cannot be found.
They were introduced to the psychiatric department, and a miracle occurred— the boy was able to walk normally on the third day.
The treatment modalities are simple: psychospiration + small doses of antidepressants.
Psychiatrists say: The disease of boys is mainly the somatization of psychological symptoms.
The somatization of psychological symptoms, in layman's terms, is that people are psychologically unwell, not manifested as anxiety, fear and other emotions, but appear physical symptoms, such as dizziness and headache, chest tightness and shortness of breath, tinnitus fatigue, sleep disorders, anorexia, bloating, etc.
The boy is facing the middle school entrance examination, the study pressure is high, not long ago was criticized by the teacher, the psychological suffering, which is the physical discomfort, the knee is more and more painful.
It seems that the child's psychological problems are really not a sentence of "temperament" can be brought over, and can not be attributed only to the child's poor ability to resist pressure.
It's just that in the past, everyone didn't pay attention to mental health, and a lot of truth was covered up.
Why is the pressure on children so great?
There is a 9-year-old girl in Hubei whose eyebrows and eyelashes have all fallen out, and there are many bald spots on her head.
At first, the parents thought that the child was missing trace elements, and after taking the hospital for examination, they found that the girl had an anxiety disorder.
Only because her mother enrolled her in 6 Peiyou classes, she was also required to be the first three in each exam.
Stressed children are so busy every day that they can't find an outlet for their anxious emotions.
After accidentally tearing off her eyelashes, she found that the pain could make her excited, and she couldn't control it, and she developed the habit of pulling her own hair out of clusters and clusters.
The mother was distressed and blamed herself, regretting that she should not force the child too tightly.
Why wait until something goes wrong with your child before you regret that you were pushed too hard?
Wu Zhihong said: "Too much pressure will crush people. But such a simple truth seems to be understood by only a few people. ”
Many adults, accustomed to using the experience of people who have come over, warn children: if you don't study well, you will have a bad life in the future.
Even disobedient children will hear the words of adults and then force themselves.
Remembering the college entrance examination one year, a boy who was only in the sixth grade was forced by his parents to "participate" in the college entrance examination and waited outside the examination room for two days to feel the atmosphere of the college entrance examination.
He had just finished the entrance examination and was ready to have fun in the summer.
But the thought that such a serious exam would happen to him in a few years, all his happiness disappeared.
I can only frown and say, "It's really too hard for us students."
On the one hand, he said against his heart: "I have to study hard when I go back."
Children are the most receptive group, they are not naturally anxious, but the external environment forces them to feel stressed.
They have to restrain their playful nature, do something they don't like against their hearts, struggle and screw for a long time, and psychological problems arise.
Why didn't we have psychological problems in the past?
Over the years, whenever a child has a psychological problem that breaks out, there are always some people who don't think so: when we were young, we were also beaten and scolded, criticized by teachers, and didn't we have a good life? Speaking of which, it is still too squeamish for today's children.
There is some truth to this statement, and we did come this way when we were young.
But we should also see that today's educational environment is the biggest difference from the past: children lack a channel to vent, and they can't play and jump up and down to release negative emotions.
Zhang Chenxi, a sophomore boy in "The Teenager Says", plucked up enough courage to take the stage to apologize to his parents, admitting that he worried his parents during the rebellious period, and promised that he would be fine in the future and make his parents proud of him.
I thought that his parents would be pleased with his understanding.
Unexpectedly, my father said: "You like to play basketball, but my father still wants to tell you: the results are still the most important, and your basketball time should be controlled." ”
Usually nervous about his studies, he only played basketball with his classmates on Sunday afternoons, but his father did not allow it.
Zhang Chenxi couldn't help but defend: "Every time I play, it is the happiest time in my entire student stage." Playing with classmates, everyone talked and laughed. Do you know how depressed I am at home and at school?
Every time I look forward to it, I look forward to physical education class, physical exercise class. When I got home and finished my homework, I didn't do anything when I stayed home. I can go out and play, and now you let me do it again..."
As he spoke, the big boy actually cried in public.
But in the end, he still had to hold back tears and promised:
"I know that learning is the most important thing, I will cut back on basketball time, I will take care of myself, and I will never let you worry about it again next time." 」
Kids are really sensible.
On the one hand, he asked himself to study hard and not let his parents worry, on the other hand, he suppressed his desire for basketball and did not make his parents sad.
The only thing that is not taken care of, how to release their own pressure.
Professor Li Meijin once said:
Modern children sit in the classroom at seven or eight o'clock every morning, sit until 5:30 p.m., and go home in the evening to write homework until 11:30.
Saturdays and Sundays were taken up by various training courses. Such a life is not a day, but 12 years! This man is not crazy!
Look at our childhood:
After school, after writing your homework, you can play until dark, and your mother tells you to go home for dinner. The scolding of parents and the discipline of teachers have all been eliminated.
And what about the kids now?
When he was a child, his parents did not trust him to go downstairs to play, and he could only be trapped at home to write homework or accompany electronic products.
When they grow up, the child's academic pressure is greater, and he can't easily go downstairs to play, and even electronic products are not allowed to play.
Children who are surrounded by learning, nagging, and criticism every day but lack channels to solve them are not strange if they do not have mental problems!
Mental health children, all have a "decompression artifact"
Yin Jianli of pedagogy said: "Children have inner pressure, there must be a way to vent, if blocked, it will form internal injuries." ”
Mental health children have their own set of ways to decompress.
(1) Decompress with hobbies
Writer Zhou Guoping said: "A person living in the world must have his own real hobbies to live interestingly." ”
Thinking of Shandong Advertising Champion Meng Linghao, remembering Shandong College Entrance Examination Champion Meng Linghao, who was admitted to the Department of Computer Science of Tsinghua University with a good score of 711 points that year, the secret is to love the cello.
As we all know, there are many candidates in Shandong, and the pressure of the college entrance examination is great.
But no matter how tired he is from studying, he has to practice the cello for 3 hours every day, and through practicing the piano, he feels the peace of mind and releases the pressure.
The education that makes children willing to work hard is not necessarily nagging him to study hard every day, but his hobby of perseverance outside of learning.
The valuable thing about hobbies is that it makes children feel good, feel psychologically peaceful and down-to-earth.
Allowing a child to have his own interests is to allow him to reasonably vent his emotions and release pressure under the pressure of monotonous and repetitive learning.
(2) Decompress with motion
There is a 15-year-old girl in Lu county, Sichuan, who is facing the middle school entrance examination, which is the most intense stage of her studies.
But she was a sunny and cheerful child, and the secret was: every day barefoot on the cement floor to practice dancing for a while.
She had no dancing shoes, no dance studio, just barefoot dancing on the wide cement floor in front of her house.
It didn't matter if she fell down occasionally, she laughed and got up and continued to practice.
"I'm also under a lot of pressure to study, and every day I relax my own stress by dancing."
The significance of exercise for children is not only to strengthen their bodies.
Children learn every day, the brain is highly excited, and the cerebellum that controls movement is not stimulated. Over time, it will lead to unbalanced stimulation of the brain nerves, unable to sleep at night, and more likely to produce emotional distress.
Moreover, exercise itself has the effect of regulating the nervousness of the human body, and when the mood is boring, exercise can play a role in relaxing and relaxing.
The World Health Organization therefore recommends that children aged 5 to 17 years of age, on average, do at least 1 hour of aerobic exercise per day and high-intensity aerobic exercise at least 3 days a week.
In addition to learning, parents can also often accompany their children to run, play ball, etc., to accompany their children to relax.
(3) Decompress with a colorful life
What should a child look like when he or she is relaxed physically and mentally?
Dr. Qian Zhiliang, a doctor of education, said:
"Have enough sleep to grow a good body;
There are many colorful activities, running freely, exercising freely, observing natural things with devotion, playing games with friends, or just quietly emptying, in a daze...
Such a life will make children full of excitement every day, feel the joy of life, and stimulate their inner vitality. ”
Today's children, every day life is very monotonous: seven or eight hours of study at school, and then go home to do homework for two or three hours, except for the necessary food and drink, there is almost no time to relax.
Such a monotonous and repetitive day, it is difficult to make people happy.
Therefore, parents should enrich their children's after-school life as much as possible and create conditions for children to relax and relax.
For example, you can take the weekend to play in nature, or ask a few friends to have a picnic, or take your children to get together with your classmates, or take your children to participate in some interesting exhibitions, outdoor activities, etc.
Rich and colorful life can not only release the child's body and mind, but also stimulate the child's enthusiasm for life, and can increase the affection between the child and the parents.
There is nothing more fun and educational than this.
Real school bullies, very good at playing
Psychiatrist Stuart Brown followed and interviewed 6,000 people over 42 years and found that:
Children who are able to play from an early age are stronger in terms of social skills, coping with stress, and problem-solving.
And those children who have not been able to play freely are more difficult to adapt to the new environment and are difficult to be happy when they grow up.
Why does play make children better?
Child development expert David Elkind explains that because play is like a "kaleidoscope", which is both random and creative, and exercises children's resilience, "when they encounter unexpected situations or are in a new environment, they will have a competitive advantage." ”
Flipping through the previous college entrance examinations and high-scoring students will find that those real top students are not nerds who are dead learning, on the contrary, they are very good at playing.
So, if you want to have a mentally healthy and good grade child, take him out and have fun!
A good education is by no means about locking children in a house and doing problems.
Instead, help him push open the window to give him a breath of fresh air, or take him out of the room and feel the great spring light outside.
Just basking in the sun, his mood will also be clear.
——End——
Author: Li Walnut, social science book editor, is walking on the road to marriage, exploring the parenting code. Some of the pictures in this article come from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.